It’s RIGHT ABOVE YOU! You boneheads, the flame is RIGHT ABOVE YOU! You’re done, you can go home now, you don’t have to put up with this nonsense anymore.
I thought this was just an ordinary terrible, terrible cover until Bibliomancer pointed out Boob Guy. Now I’m convinced it’s a lost frame from a Terry Gilliam animation.
This is peak ’80s. Aerobics wear, the mullette, the pre-Photoshop terrible airbrushing. And yet, if you’d told me this was a self-published book from this year, I’d have believed it.
Many men would be happy to die crushed by giant boobs. Pith Helmet Guy isn’t one of them — “No, save me, help!” And both Maxi-Skirt Woman and Probably the Hero look like toys, with plastic molded clothing.
The whole thing looks like a pubescent kid grabbed a picture of a haircare model from his older sister’s “Seventeen Magazine” and pasted it into a scene he set up with his action figures.
Which still doesn’t explain why Giant Aerobics Bimbo appears to be wearing a skin-color thong above her navel. Or why her eyes are uneven. And her fingers appear to be unnaturally long and arthritic.
@DSWBT: Yes, if Maxi-Skirt Woman sat on Hero’s shoulders, she could reach the flame easily. End of journey!
@Juan Paul: I’m not sure her hair is exactly Ting! but it is Glow.
That picture of the Flame is actually the Protagonist’s thought-cloud, like someone in a cartoon imagining the hamburger he’s going to eat. His imagination being no better than the cover artist’s, it looks a lot cheaper than the real thing.
April 3rd, 2017 at 12:34 pm
That giant boob is coming after the guy on the left like the big rolling ball in Raiders.
April 3rd, 2017 at 12:50 pm
I want to know where aerobics lady’s other hand is. Or… do I?
April 3rd, 2017 at 12:53 pm
It’s Romancing The Stone only with much bigger….hair.
April 3rd, 2017 at 1:13 pm
“wait! I need a little more time to study these last two heiroglyphs!”
April 3rd, 2017 at 1:38 pm
‘Frieze! Up against the wall!’
😀
April 3rd, 2017 at 1:38 pm
Whoa! Now that is an example of “The Hard Sell”.
Must’ve sold like gangbusters in the 80s.
Lousy title logo, though.
April 3rd, 2017 at 1:38 pm
It’s RIGHT ABOVE YOU! You boneheads, the flame is RIGHT ABOVE YOU! You’re done, you can go home now, you don’t have to put up with this nonsense anymore.
April 3rd, 2017 at 3:03 pm
I thought this was just an ordinary terrible, terrible cover until Bibliomancer pointed out Boob Guy. Now I’m convinced it’s a lost frame from a Terry Gilliam animation.
April 3rd, 2017 at 3:23 pm
Pulp-a-licious!!
April 3rd, 2017 at 4:01 pm
The pith helmet guy is actually an ornament dangling from her oddly placed belt.
April 3rd, 2017 at 4:02 pm
Speaking of that belt, there is something very strange going on inside the tunic just below it. I don’t even want to look too deeply in there.
April 3rd, 2017 at 5:10 pm
THE POWER OF MY BREASTS COMPELS YOU!
. . . but seriously, I didn’t choose this outfit. Especially not the chain-belt-thingy.
April 3rd, 2017 at 5:18 pm
The Hero’s perm is a different colour than his sideburn.
April 3rd, 2017 at 6:12 pm
No wonder safari guy can’t go any further, he’s been carrying that legless giant woman on his back.
April 3rd, 2017 at 7:17 pm
A total eclipse of good taste.
April 3rd, 2017 at 8:31 pm
An H. Rider Haggard ‘She’ inspired book. The guy in the pith helmet is quite possibly Rudyard Kipling.
April 3rd, 2017 at 10:25 pm
Raiders of the Lost Motorboat.
April 3rd, 2017 at 11:11 pm
@16: I don’t care how ruddy hard he’s kippled, it shouldn’t be on a book cover.
April 3rd, 2017 at 11:29 pm
Working title: ‘The hands that reach, but never grasp’
April 3rd, 2017 at 11:33 pm
I just noticed that she has hair ting. Lots of hair ting. Now why didn’t I notice that before?
April 4th, 2017 at 12:16 am
The author should have gone for the full Ricardo Monaco, I feel.
April 4th, 2017 at 2:49 am
This is peak ’80s. Aerobics wear, the mullette, the pre-Photoshop terrible airbrushing. And yet, if you’d told me this was a self-published book from this year, I’d have believed it.
Many men would be happy to die crushed by giant boobs. Pith Helmet Guy isn’t one of them — “No, save me, help!” And both Maxi-Skirt Woman and Probably the Hero look like toys, with plastic molded clothing.
The whole thing looks like a pubescent kid grabbed a picture of a haircare model from his older sister’s “Seventeen Magazine” and pasted it into a scene he set up with his action figures.
Which still doesn’t explain why Giant Aerobics Bimbo appears to be wearing a skin-color thong above her navel. Or why her eyes are uneven. And her fingers appear to be unnaturally long and arthritic.
@DSWBT: Yes, if Maxi-Skirt Woman sat on Hero’s shoulders, she could reach the flame easily. End of journey!
@Juan Paul: I’m not sure her hair is exactly Ting! but it is Glow.
April 5th, 2017 at 4:36 am
That picture of the Flame is actually the Protagonist’s thought-cloud, like someone in a cartoon imagining the hamburger he’s going to eat. His imagination being no better than the cover artist’s, it looks a lot cheaper than the real thing.
April 6th, 2017 at 12:43 am
Does that mean the picture of Giant Aerobics Bimbo is the thought-cloud of Pith Helmet Guy? It’d explain her anatomy and clothing (good and bad).
April 23rd, 2020 at 10:07 pm
The man on the left has a lot on his mind.
January 19th, 2022 at 7:08 pm
This book needs a Vallejo variant cover to ‘balance things out’.