Aug 24

Faces are so hard to paintClick for larger image

Alice Comments: “The sewer’s backed up again. Let me clean up this mess before we do our virgin sacrifice!

Published 1983

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.58 out of 10)

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35 Responses to “Conan the Unconquered”

  1. JuanPaul Says:

    “Conan, if you don’t let us finish this sacrifice the gods will unleash unspeakable horrors on the people. Stop thinking with your loincloth for once.”

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    Don’t you open that trap dooooor – ’cause there’s something down there.

  3. Iluvm Says:

    The darkest event of his career and life,to deal with the green worms and the Virginia ladies at the same time

  4. Croakersapprentice Says:

    Is “the invincible Cimmerian” not something of a spoiler ?

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Conan the Unconquered by Robert Jordan…he made it through the whole of Wheel of Time without getting lost in the plot!

  6. fred Says:

    Conan be rocking the 80’s professional wrestling good guy upper arm fringe look.

  7. fred Says:

    Its a full book cover. Should change the evils around though. The front should be degrading and the back darkest.–robert-jordan-robert-richard.jpg

  8. Bibliomancer Says:

    Conan the Unconscionable

  9. Francis Boyle Says:

    “Houston, we’ve had a modesty scarf failure”.

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @fred: too many modifiers, I gave up around “trusting”.

  11. Tom Noir Says:

    Given the gravity of the situation, Conan has adopted a rather jaunty stance, don’t you think?

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @fred—thanks for the opportunity to conduct today’s lesson in logic:

    “bloodthirsty assassins sworn to belief in nothingness.”

    Um, er, ah, how exactly does that work? Like, whom do you swear to if there’s nothing out there?

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Nice ankle scarf, Conan, but I think it’s unravelling.

  14. Iluvm Says:

    That’s Heartbreaking. Killing without explaining the reasons

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC: I refer you to anarchism in Russia and its relevance to nihilism. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this turned out to be a more action-oriented version of Dostoyevsky’s Demons or Turgenev’s Fathers and Sons

  16. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    His grip on the sword looks a bit weak.

  17. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @DeadSWBT—I sometimes like to think of GSS as an anarcho-syndicalist operation, no bosses, no wage slaves, professors, lawyers and laborers working the fields side-by-side. Then I think of Guernica . . . .

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC: ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! @_@

  19. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @DStuffWBT— “the spilled, the broken world.”
    –Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC: also, did you compare today’s artwork to Guernica? @_@

    I have to admit I wasn’t impressed by Guernica until I saw the original in Madrid. For starters, I hadn’t twigged to the fact that it was twice as tall as me, and filled a very, very long room…

  21. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The “First Publication Anywhere!” seems particularly redundant here. I mean, Conan’s been around for close to a century now, and all the stories are pretty much the exact same plot.

    “First Time Anywhere That Conan Rescues A Naked Damsel From A Horrible Fate!”

  22. A.R.Yngve Says:


  23. Iluvm Says:

    Conan the invincible,unconcured etc…rescued a beautiful, trusting women and handed over to his wife. Let us see how he will save her from the wife.

  24. Hammy Says:

    Oh, c’mon! Since when has “barbarian” been a CAREER?

  25. Raoul Says:

    “Conan the Uncorked”

  26. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Conan the Unconquered, Except His Missing Nipples.

    Needs “non-papillial person” tag. And are the modesty straps that good, or are the ladies similarly afflicted?

    Not sure if CtU is wearing a loincloth or a miniskirt.

    @fred: The wrap around cover is definitely BEHIND YOU, and I am not mighty-thewed enough to get through all those adjectives.

    @Hammy: Not a career, just a modifier/description like the back cover is full of. It’s a state of mind, maybe.

    Was that writ by THE Robert Jordan? If so, was it way longer than it should be and filled with braid-tugging?

  27. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @DSWithBT—Not to break down the fourth wall or anything, but I too saw Guernica in Madrid just a few short weeks ago on my first trip to Spain ever. I had seen it before, when it was housed in the Modern in NY, but that was many years ago. To see it in the Prado was pretty mind-blowing, mostly, as you say, due to its sheer scale that overwhelms the room it’s in.

    As you of course know, I wasn’t comparing this cover to that painting, but your mention of anarchy led me to think of it. The anarcho-syndicalist experiment of the Spanish Republic is one of the very very few historical examples of anarchy maybe having a chance to work. That possibility was soon destroyed by Franco’s terror and Hitler’s air force, whence the painting. It is still very much living history, of course, in Spain. And as Barcelona shows, terror still roams the landscape.

    And that’s why we need the mindless pleasures of GSS . . . 😏

  28. GSS ex-noob Says:

    We manage to be a small anarcho-syndicalist commune, except I think the topic of the daily meeting is set by GSS Admin.

    Pretty sure no one will bomb us with anything but horrible cover art. None up to Picasso’s standards.

  29. Tracy Says:

    I saw Guernica at MOMA too.

    Back to topic, Conan’s feet are freakishly small. You know what they saw about a man’s shoe size and how it compares to his penis…

  30. B. Chiclitz Says:

    The little green troll coming out of the floor in the foreground looks like Trump, except his fingers are too long.

  31. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tracy: How does he hold up those mighty muscles on such tiny feet? I guess it gives less for the tentacles and trolls to grab onto.

    Still, it might explain why he’s bulked up his muscles, carries such a big sword, goes around doing so many overly macho deeds. Overcompensation. Why, if he lived in the future, he’d probably drive a Humvee.

  32. Anna T. Says:

    So, is this another one of those Conan stories with a lot of extremely underdressed people? Because I thought that was a lot of Conan stories, since “sexy women”, that.

  33. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Hammy asked: “Since when has ‘barbarian’ been a CAREER?”

    Since the last U.S. Presidential election, I guess…

  34. Muttley Says:

    Now, Conan, think carefully. Shag, marry, kill, but get the order right..

  35. Hammy Says:

    @A.R. Yngve (#33):

    Ouch. Guess you got me on that one.

    I was thinking more along the lines of the Calvin and Hobbes strip wherein Calvin decides he’s going to be a caveman because that way he won’t need to learn math; his father points out that “caveman” really isn’t a career choice.

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