Oct 24
Click for larger image
Click for larger imageTwo-fer Tuesday – Loren Rhoads Special
Tag Wizard Comments:
1. “Last Orbit”. The Hot Topic of the future.
2. Who cares about Weber and Shepherd fans. Tell me if Buffy fans find a lot to like.
Thanks to GSS-ex-noob for sending these in!
Published 2015
(Average: 6.14 out of 10)
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(9.27 out of 10)
October 24th, 2017 at 8:40 am
I couldn’t find Book 1 on the table, but I’m certain it suffered from the exact same font problems and badly-garbed/coiffed woman.
3 caught my eye first. Or rather, grabbed it and dragged it out of my head.
The blurb on the top one from Publisher’s Weekly sounds more like a criticism than a rave review, doesn’t it?
Blurb on the second one seems rather equivocal too. It’s not military, just military-flavored. Some sort of store-brand generic when you can’t afford name-brand.
Also, obligatory gratuitous Templar reference.
October 24th, 2017 at 9:33 am
DID YOU KNOW? If you stick a fork in an electric outlet, the logo becomes legible. (But then you’re electrocuted, so it’s not worth it…)
October 24th, 2017 at 10:27 am
Is the third in the series called SHATTERPROOF?
October 24th, 2017 at 12:18 pm
These aren’t covers. These are just roughs that the artist made with some oil straight from the tube and some sticky tape.
October 24th, 2017 at 12:19 pm
@GSS ex-choker: have you read these? Why does the heroine have such a bizarre thing around her neck? Does she have difficulty swallowing?
October 24th, 2017 at 1:30 pm
Serious case of “Bighanditis” on that # 2 there.
October 24th, 2017 at 1:56 pm
It’s only book 3 and already she’s learnt to shoot with one hand. I’d bet money that she’s dual wielding by book 4.
October 24th, 2017 at 2:19 pm
@Francis – In Book 1 Mr. Last Orbit was probably reaching around, they had four hands on the gun, and he was showing her how to pull the trigger.
October 24th, 2017 at 2:41 pm
These look like stills from the NRA’s square dance.
October 24th, 2017 at 2:59 pm
Here’s the cover for Book 1: Dangerous Typist. Apparently our heroine started out a blonde.
October 24th, 2017 at 3:43 pm
@Raoul: that’s what the name of the font is, Dangerous Type.
Edit: is the scaly fellow from Book 3 dead in the background of Raoul’s book?
October 24th, 2017 at 4:29 pm
All I’ve got to say is, if it wasn’t for the blurbs, I wouldn’t know this was supposed to be sci-fi instead of urban fantasy.
And what is up with the non-human alien/monster creatures in crop-tops and wifebeater-style undershirts?
October 24th, 2017 at 5:06 pm
“An SF Trilogy that seems determined to bring the style of grimdark fantasy to space opera.”
• “Oh, really, don’t bother.”
• “No need for grimdark fantasy here, no sirree!”
• “That’s ok, we’re all full up with the grimdark fantasy, maybe next week.”
• ” ‘Grimdark’? I thought you said ‘Pindar.’ I’ll pass.”
• “I think we’ve had quite enough grimdark fantasy since the last election, thanks.”
October 24th, 2017 at 5:06 pm
Great. Now I’m going to be hearing Bonnie Tyler singing a gender switched ‘I Need A Hero’ all day.
October 24th, 2017 at 5:09 pm
The term “space Opera” sounds derogatory in this application. I’m detecting a snarky undertone.
October 24th, 2017 at 5:10 pm
It’s as if a massive Ice-T fan wrote a book combining his two big films of 1995, ‘Johnny Mnemonic’ and ‘Tank Girl’. A spunky girl and her genetically-altered Kangaroo boyfriend stage elaborate gun-battles in a junkyard while plugged into desktop computers and playing 70s New Wave hits.
Although mentioning ‘Templars’ makes me think less of The Stranglers and more of Splodgenessabounds…
October 24th, 2017 at 10:30 pm
@DSWBT: Oh heck no. I saw the electric font abuse and smudgy oil paint and photographed them quickly. I didn’t even read the back covers. I was afraid to touch them. I had less than no interest in reading them.
Maybe she’s got interchangeable heads and the neck thing hides the join?
@BC: That first quote gives to me the same feeling as “determined to bring boiled Brussels sprouts to the neighborhood potluck”. No thanks. Especially if they’re military-flavored.
@Tat Wood: 80’s New Wave hits — other than that, spot-on.
Considering he’s wearing what’s called a wife-beater and he’s grabbing her arm, I’m going to beat @A.R. Yngve to it and say “Harvey?”
He does have bighanditis.
October 24th, 2017 at 10:43 pm
@GSSxN: “No More Heroes” was in the top ten in November 1977, at the same time as Bowie’s “Heroes’. John Peel played demo versions of ‘Simon Templer’ and ‘Two Pints of Lager’ in 1979.
Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive…
October 24th, 2017 at 11:03 pm
@Tat Wood: I bow to your superior memory of British music. It didn’t get to where I lived till the early 80’s. I’m getting more of an 80’s feel to this “art” though — the whole thing’s a mess, why should it conform to the space-time continuum as we know it?
October 24th, 2017 at 11:42 pm
2: I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And girl’s iguanas have fun
October 24th, 2017 at 11:49 pm
@Tor: ‘fraid I can’t leave that alone.
The phone rings, it’s the artist from BAEN
My father yells when you gonna end the pain
Oh daddy dear you know you’re still number one
But girls, iguanas have fun!
October 25th, 2017 at 1:03 am
Lol.
The phone rings, it’s the artist from BAEN.
He tells me, “Man, I have been wracking my brain.
“What do you want for the cover of this one?”
I say “Girls, iguanas and guns.
“Yeah, girls, iguanas and guns.”
October 25th, 2017 at 1:05 am
@Tor: I doff my hat. 😀
Edit: Two more girls, iguanas and guns covers. Not quite enough to justify a new tag, but they’re out there…?
October 25th, 2017 at 7:37 am
There’s at least 3, so that’s enough for me to agree to a “girls, iguanas, and guns” tag. After all, there’s a “woman in bear suit eating turkey drumstick” and we’ve only got one of those. Good Job, Tor!
And as the song being parodied undoubtedly rang out from the speakers in Hot Topic back in the day, we’ve come full circle.
October 25th, 2017 at 12:51 pm
@Bibliomancer
I think that was book 2. Book 1 was just her pointing and making pew pew noises.
October 26th, 2017 at 5:04 pm
@DSWBT: I salute your encyclopaedic knowledge of GSS.
October 29th, 2017 at 2:59 pm
Doesn’t Warhammer 40,000 already combine grimdark fantasy and military space opera?
November 8th, 2017 at 12:39 am
Need to clean my screen, I misread that title as “No More Herpes”.
Although, its virtues as a cover aside, that would make a fantastic public health campaign poster!
November 8th, 2017 at 2:29 pm
After all, there’s a “woman in bear suit eating turkey drumstick” and we’ve only got one of those.
Adding another book with this tag is my life’s mission.
November 8th, 2017 at 6:15 pm
@Tom: Better start writing it, then. And commissioning terrible cover art, font, and blurbs.
November 9th, 2017 at 2:14 am
Was in the supermarket and a certain Cyndi Lauper song referred to here played over the speakers. Immediately LOL, thinking of comments 20-22. Luckily Mr. GSSxN is the one who took the photos, and I’d had him read this posting, so I was able to explain.
(No iguanas or guns in Safeway, I hasten to point out.)
June 16th, 2018 at 12:42 am
A late-breaking follow-up:
Actually met the author of these tomes last month. Quite a nice person, turns out we have mutual acquaintances. I felt bad for a bit about sending these in, but then I looked at them again. My tongue has recovered from the biting.
Still not going to read them. Besides the cover jangles being off-putting, I don’t care for grimdark.