Oct 24

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Two-fer Tuesday – Loren Rhoads Special

Tag Wizard Comments:

1. “Last Orbit”. The Hot Topic of the future.

2. Who cares about Weber and Shepherd fans. Tell me if Buffy fans find a lot to like.

Thanks to GSS-ex-noob for sending these in!

Published 2015

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.14 out of 10)

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32 Responses to “Kill by Numbers & No More Heroes”

  1. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I couldn’t find Book 1 on the table, but I’m certain it suffered from the exact same font problems and badly-garbed/coiffed woman.

    3 caught my eye first. Or rather, grabbed it and dragged it out of my head.

    The blurb on the top one from Publisher’s Weekly sounds more like a criticism than a rave review, doesn’t it?

    Blurb on the second one seems rather equivocal too. It’s not military, just military-flavored. Some sort of store-brand generic when you can’t afford name-brand.

    Also, obligatory gratuitous Templar reference.

  2. A.R.Yngve Says:

    DID YOU KNOW? If you stick a fork in an electric outlet, the logo becomes legible. (But then you’re electrocuted, so it’s not worth it…)

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    Is the third in the series called SHATTERPROOF?

  4. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    These aren’t covers. These are just roughs that the artist made with some oil straight from the tube and some sticky tape.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @GSS ex-choker: have you read these? Why does the heroine have such a bizarre thing around her neck? Does she have difficulty swallowing?

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Serious case of “Bighanditis” on that # 2 there.

  7. Francis Boyle Says:

    It’s only book 3 and already she’s learnt to shoot with one hand. I’d bet money that she’s dual wielding by book 4.

  8. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Francis – In Book 1 Mr. Last Orbit was probably reaching around, they had four hands on the gun, and he was showing her how to pull the trigger.

  9. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    These look like stills from the NRA’s square dance.

  10. Raoul Says:

    Here’s the cover for Book 1: Dangerous Typist. Apparently our heroine started out a blonde.

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Raoul: that’s what the name of the font is, Dangerous Type.

    Edit: is the scaly fellow from Book 3 dead in the background of Raoul’s book?

  12. Anna T. Says:

    All I’ve got to say is, if it wasn’t for the blurbs, I wouldn’t know this was supposed to be sci-fi instead of urban fantasy.

    And what is up with the non-human alien/monster creatures in crop-tops and wifebeater-style undershirts?

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “An SF Trilogy that seems determined to bring the style of grimdark fantasy to space opera.”

    • “Oh, really, don’t bother.”

    • “No need for grimdark fantasy here, no sirree!”

    • “That’s ok, we’re all full up with the grimdark fantasy, maybe next week.”

    • ” ‘Grimdark’? I thought you said ‘Pindar.’ I’ll pass.”

    • “I think we’ve had quite enough grimdark fantasy since the last election, thanks.”

  14. fred Says:

    Great. Now I’m going to be hearing Bonnie Tyler singing a gender switched ‘I Need A Hero’ all day.

  15. JuanPaul Says:

    The term “space Opera” sounds derogatory in this application. I’m detecting a snarky undertone.

  16. Tat Wood Says:

    It’s as if a massive Ice-T fan wrote a book combining his two big films of 1995, ‘Johnny Mnemonic’ and ‘Tank Girl’. A spunky girl and her genetically-altered Kangaroo boyfriend stage elaborate gun-battles in a junkyard while plugged into desktop computers and playing 70s New Wave hits.

    Although mentioning ‘Templars’ makes me think less of The Stranglers and more of Splodgenessabounds…

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @DSWBT: Oh heck no. I saw the electric font abuse and smudgy oil paint and photographed them quickly. I didn’t even read the back covers. I was afraid to touch them. I had less than no interest in reading them.

    Maybe she’s got interchangeable heads and the neck thing hides the join?

    @BC: That first quote gives to me the same feeling as “determined to bring boiled Brussels sprouts to the neighborhood potluck”. No thanks. Especially if they’re military-flavored.

    @Tat Wood: 80’s New Wave hits — other than that, spot-on.

    Considering he’s wearing what’s called a wife-beater and he’s grabbing her arm, I’m going to beat @A.R. Yngve to it and say “Harvey?”
    He does have bighanditis.

  18. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSSxN: “No More Heroes” was in the top ten in November 1977, at the same time as Bowie’s “Heroes’. John Peel played demo versions of ‘Simon Templer’ and ‘Two Pints of Lager’ in 1979.

    Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive…

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat Wood: I bow to your superior memory of British music. It didn’t get to where I lived till the early 80’s. I’m getting more of an 80’s feel to this “art” though — the whole thing’s a mess, why should it conform to the space-time continuum as we know it?

  20. Tor Mented Says:

    2: I come home in the morning light
    My mother says when you gonna live your life right
    Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
    And girl’s iguanas have fun

  21. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tor: ‘fraid I can’t leave that alone.

    The phone rings, it’s the artist from BAEN
    My father yells when you gonna end the pain
    Oh daddy dear you know you’re still number one
    But girls, iguanas have fun!

  22. Tor Mented Says:

    The phone rings, it’s the artist from BAEN.
    He tells me, “Man, I have been wracking my brain.
    “What do you want for the cover of this one?”
    I say “Girls, iguanas and guns.
    “Yeah, girls, iguanas and guns.”

  23. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tor: I doff my hat. 😀

    Edit: Two more girls, iguanas and guns covers. Not quite enough to justify a new tag, but they’re out there…?

  24. GSS ex-noob Says:

    There’s at least 3, so that’s enough for me to agree to a “girls, iguanas, and guns” tag. After all, there’s a “woman in bear suit eating turkey drumstick” and we’ve only got one of those. Good Job, Tor!

    And as the song being parodied undoubtedly rang out from the speakers in Hot Topic back in the day, we’ve come full circle.

  25. Francis Boyle Says:


    I think that was book 2. Book 1 was just her pointing and making pew pew noises.

  26. Tor Mented Says:

    @DSWBT: I salute your encyclopaedic knowledge of GSS.

  27. A3Kitsune Says:

    Doesn’t Warhammer 40,000 already combine grimdark fantasy and military space opera?

  28. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Need to clean my screen, I misread that title as “No More Herpes”.

    Although, its virtues as a cover aside, that would make a fantastic public health campaign poster!

  29. Tom Noir Says:

    After all, there’s a “woman in bear suit eating turkey drumstick” and we’ve only got one of those.

    Adding another book with this tag is my life’s mission.

  30. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tom: Better start writing it, then. And commissioning terrible cover art, font, and blurbs.

  31. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Was in the supermarket and a certain Cyndi Lauper song referred to here played over the speakers. Immediately LOL, thinking of comments 20-22. Luckily Mr. GSSxN is the one who took the photos, and I’d had him read this posting, so I was able to explain.

    (No iguanas or guns in Safeway, I hasten to point out.)

  32. GSS ex-noob Says:

    A late-breaking follow-up:

    Actually met the author of these tomes last month. Quite a nice person, turns out we have mutual acquaintances. I felt bad for a bit about sending these in, but then I looked at them again. My tongue has recovered from the biting.

    Still not going to read them. Besides the cover jangles being off-putting, I don’t care for grimdark.

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