Jun 14

Collect them all!Click for larger image

Bibliomancer Comments: They look like they’re made of milk chocolate, like chocolate Easter bunnies.

Published 1975

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.80 out of 10)

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29 Responses to “The Towers of Melnon”

  1. A.R.Yngve Says:

    You know, abs are like snowflakes — they’re all uniquely shaped. Richard Blade’s abs, for example, are shaped like a trilobite.

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    “Why, yes, I do dress to the left – AND THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF TAILORS!!!”

  3. Francis Boyle Says:

    I read that as “The Towers of Melon”. Yes, I’ve just been looking at Tuesday’s cover. How did you guess?

    (It’s a bad day when Dick Blade is out-sleazed.)

  4. fred Says:

    I cannot see how that string belt is keeping Dick from his usual unclothed state.

  5. JuanPaul Says:

    Is Dick Blade stopping that man from floating away?

  6. jrdelirio Says:

    Wait, Blade’s got actual *trunks* now? The purists will be annoyed.

  7. StevenLP Says:

    jrdelirio: he appears to be wearing the top hatted fellow’s trunks, who – I assume – wanted them back …thus the contretemps.

  8. Ray P Says:

    A typical St. Patrick’s day parade.

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    The real menace here is the phallic smokestacks in the background – one of which is wielding a sword!!!

  10. Yoss Says:

    Wearing pants and not holding a bladed weapon? Dick, you’ve changed. Credit where credit is due, though. That’s top-notch underarm grooming.

  11. Lillie Awesome Says:

    I miss the days when a top hat offered such quality maxillofacial protection.

  12. Raoul Says:

    Richard Blade: The Steroid Years

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Aw, yeah… Dick. Even the reprints are GSS-worthy.

    “When the Gay Pride Float in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade Went Wrong”.

    Muscles do not work that way. Even in Dimension X. @B’mancer is right, these figures were molded from some liquid.

    Not only is Dick wearing spangly shorts/trunks and weaponless, but the damsel is almost fully clothed AND she’s armed and looks like she might know what to do with a sword. What gives, Unknown Artist?

    I cannot figure out the hilt of the sword on the right. The laws of perspective just fail all over this cover. And Dick’s scabbard doesn’t seem to fit either of the visible swords.

    Why are the towers of Melon really smokestacks?

    @fred: I think the belt’s just for the scabbard.

    @Yoss: Especially when he’s got so many acres of armpit to groom.

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    GSSxn—your comment about perspective led me to realize that the artist’s inept handling of it makes it look like there’s a garter snake pushing directly forward from his gym shorts! If it’s not a garter snake, and really is Dick’s package, I no longer wonder why the damsel remains clothed nor doubt the horrible side effects of steroids.

  15. Tor Mented Says:

    To me, the sword hilt looks like a cross or X at a right angle to the sword and hilt. The two pieces of it are at right angles to each other, and are foreshortened because the sword is at an angle. And that’s one sword that will never get a chance to prick Dick.

  16. JuanPaul Says:

    Why is it that all the women on these Dick Blade covers seem to be waiting for thier chance to get the hell out of Dodge?

  17. Anna T. Says:

    You can always trust a Blade cover to have at least partial nudity and some manner of improbable anatomy.

    His facial expression is bizarre too, as he hoists a man in a very odd set of armour over his head.

  18. Tat Wood Says:

    I don’t think Dick’s lifting the guy, I suspect this was the GSS Admin’s way of marking the start of Putin’s World Cup by showing how him as goalie in a cheerful game of kick-the-dwarf played in a factory complex in Omsk.

    Enduring image, what, Bessemer Converters for goalposts,worr, beans on toast, half naked girls chained to the smokestacks, isn’t it? Hmm? Marvellous.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @BC: I think the snake is on the scabbard that doesn’t fit any sword.

    I also think Dick’s wearing someone else’s shorts, because if he’s had that many steroids, he’s got no package left. It’s smaller than the snake. That’s just a crease in the cloth.

    @Tor: I can see that, but still looks like the X shaped hilt/guard isn’t going to be very effective and is going to hurt to use. In any case, neither Dick nor the leprechaun are going to wield that.

    @JuanPaul: Considering what usually happens to Blade’s babes, they really ought to flee ASAP.

    @Anna T: Look where Dick’s right hand is! Not only is it an odd grip, he’s got gorilla arms. Those were some steroids.

    @Tat: Makes more sense than this cover. Although if this is in Omsk, it for sure isn’t a gay pride parade. Nobody’s allowed to look homoerotic in Russia except Putin.

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Have I mentioned lately that I love you people?

    I truly do.

    This is one of the best places on the intarwebz.

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Our old pal Paul DiFilippo has gotten past being nude (hurk) on the back cover of his books, and with no snake-loving babe on the front, but he’s got a gibberish title, a WTF subtitle, and font problems beyond belief:

  22. Bruce A Munro Says:

    The doorman shouldn’t have tried to prevent Dick Blade from seeing the Great and Powerful Oz.

  23. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSSxN: that’s not gibberish, it’s English. As spoken in England. It means dosh.

  24. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    Um, Tat, sorry, but:
    “The earliest recorded occurrence of the word appears to have been in the late 19th century in the United States.” (Wikipedia, “spondulix”).

  25. Tat Wood Says:

    @LL: doesn’t mean we don’t use it. And as at least one American seems to think it’s gibberish it’s clearly more obscure in its native land.

  26. Tracy Says:

    The Oz guard has some weird green hula-hoop thing around his chest. Plus, his sword is bloodied… but Mr. Blade doesn’t seem to have a wound. Unless the guard chopped Blade’s right leg off at the thigh. It seems to end suspiciously at that rocky protuberance at bottom left.

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tracy: What this cover needs is some flying monkeys.

    @Tat: I know what spondulix means, but why he titled the book after a 150+ year old slang word, and then did… that… to the cover, will remain a mystery. I’ve never seen the word used in anything but 19th century novels, mostly set in rural/poor places. Doubt anyone under 50 has ever read it. And the subtitle, just… no.

    1856, American English slang, “money, cash,” of unknown origin, said to be from Greek spondylikos, from spondylos, a seashell used as currency (the Greek word means literally “vertebra”). Used by Mark Twain and O. Henry and adopted into British English, where it survives despite having faded in American English.

  28. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Did you know that this series was a big hit with body builders? That’s why the covers showed off so much muscle.

    The typical Richard Blade buyer would stride confidently into the newsagent’s / bookstore with bulging muscles barely contained by his suit and shirt, flexing his jaw muscles menacingly, dazzling the women around him as he casually tossed the latest Blade book onto the counter…

    But I kid.

  29. JJYoyo Says:

    “They’re always after me Lucky Charms!”

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