Jul 17

God this planet is hot. Shouldn't have worn the tinfoil suit.Click for larger image

Much cooler. Stripped down for action.Click for larger image

It’s a Two-fer Tuesday – A Pair of Parafaith Wars!

Kendall Art Direction: I said I want him studly, you can see his 12-pack through the form-fitting metal space suit! … Well, why else do you think it’s called form-fitting?!

You know what? For the audiobook, just ditch the spacesuit; just show us the 6-pack. … Yes, I said 6-pack; we can’t afford that 12-pack – it’s just an audiobook!

Published 1997

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.17 out of 10)

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19 Responses to “The Parafaith War”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    1: Away with you and your Freudian psychology! Sometimes a big, long, stiff, powerful gun is just a big, long stiff, powerful gun!

    2: How catalogue underwear models look in the future.

  2. JuanPaul Says:

    1. That’s how I felt when I rented a gas powered pressure washer this past weekend.

    2. That’s how I felt after I finished the pressure washing.

  3. fred Says:

    1. There better be at least three chapters of strong technical detail explaining WTF I’m looking at.

  4. B. Chiclitz Says:

    2. Now that I’ve stripped off my spacesuit, how do I keep my elastic pants up?

    (I have a feeling those are MC Hammer pants.)

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    Help. I got my head stuck in a goldfish bowl.

  6. Tat Wood Says:

    How do you train to get a body like contestant #2? That split-level effect, ripped to the end of the rib-cage, dadbod-in-drawstrings lower down, must be hard to maintain.

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat Wood—Must be some kind of special cross-training. All I know is, that sort of body is a requirement to pose as a life model at the Unknown Artist’s Institute.

  8. Anna T. Says:

    I can only assume there must be something akin to this ridiculous spacesuit in the actual book, since it’s appeared on two different covers.

    That said, not only does it look stupid, there’s something seriously wrong with our hero’s torso on the lower cover. It could be the suit, but given how tight it is, I’m very confused about what’s going on with those abdominal muscles, or lack thereof.

  9. THX 1138 Says:

    Obviously a four pack.

  10. Tor Mented Says:

    There are many denominations in the Parafaith church.
    Parachutists believe they are descended from heaven.
    Paralegals believe in the word and the law.
    Paramecium believe they were placed on Earth to rule over the algae.

  11. Raoul Says:

    @THX – He’s definitely not a Two-pac.

  12. Bibliomancer Says:

    There is some space struggle here between a race of theocrats called the “revs” and some science-believing race called the “eco-techs” and also some race called the “Fahrkans”. Cant put my finger on it but there are some deep metaphors going on here. I wonder if the Fahrkans all wear bow ties?

  13. Tat Wood Says:

    @Bibliomancer: that must be why I see the sulphrous landscape and the bloke posing around in a space-helmet and the bottom of a shell-suit and think ‘Fahrkan Hell’.

  14. Alice Says:

    I misread the title as “The Parfait War”. I thought it was about a fight in an ice cream shoppe.

  15. Hammy Says:

    The Paraffin War? No wonder he’s hairless. Ouch!

  16. Kendall Says:

    LOL @ all the comments; glad you liked what I found.

    @Anna T.: Sorry, we couldn’t afford to pay for the rest of the lower torso on the lower image; that’s why we went from 12-pack to 6. Or as @THX 1138 says, a 4-pack. 😉

    @Raoul: (groan)

    @Alice: Heh, you don’t get those ab-like things eating/working at an ice cream shoppe.

    @Hammy: ROFL!

  17. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—Not responsible! Farkhan lock it!

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I absolutely do not understand this guy’s torso in either photo. Or his skin vs. clingy space suit. Or navel. Or, really, anything. Mr. Plastic. It was so confusing I didn’t even notice the font abuse for a while.

  19. A. R. Yngve Says:

    You can’t touch this
    You can’t touch this
    You can’t touch this

    My, my, my my gun hits people so hard
    Makes’em say, “Oh my Lord”
    Thank you for blessin’ me
    With a helmet, pants and pecs of steel
    It feels good, when I gun you down
    A cyborg homeboy from Parafaith town
    And I’m known as such
    And this is a beat, uh, you can’t touch

    Hammer time!

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