Aug 02

Warriors of the WaistcoatClick for larger image

Ozzy Comments: Gordon Ramsay gets the gang back together … Celine Dion, Tonto, and Carl the human Chewbacca!

Published 1984

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.44 out of 10)

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25 Responses to “Warriors of the Wasteland”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    Love Island became more interesting when they started arming the contestants.

  2. Bibliomancer Says:

    Inspired by a T.S. Eliot poem … just like Cats!

  3. fred Says:

    Warriors came out to play.

  4. JuanPaul Says:

    Don’t bother with the book. The movie is way better:

  5. fred Says:

    Hey Tonto, get with the program. Find yourself a black loincloth and headband, you’re screwing up the cover symmetry.

  6. Yoss Says:

    They should have found that poor guy a bigger rock to stand on. There’s just something decidedly unheroic about crouching on your tippy toes with your feet that close together.

  7. Tom Noir Says:

    “Hey, has anyone seen my spaceship, the S.S. Testicle?”

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘With Stern Martini as Andy Warhol’

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Does this pose make my head look lopsided?”

  10. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    @TN #7…..Good show sir!

  11. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Aaand… we’ve hit peak 80s again.

    The central dude appears to have thought that Barry Bostwick’s hairdo from “Megaforce” was too subtle, as was Patrick Swayze’s and Rex Smith’s, so he combined them all and kicked it up a notch. It may be a wasteland, but he’s got product enough to have the largest mullet in all the land. And he’s not sharing the product with Celine or Carl. Possibly Carl’s using “greasy kid stuff” for his hairdon’t.

    Can Tonto actually twist that far? Does he have some sort of ball joint between his upper and lower spine, or is he just really flexible?

    The front three are obviously striking a pose; the USS Testicle is guarding one side, so Tonto’s the only sensible one, aiming at enemies who might be up atop the rocks.

    Is Celine carrying a sword or just one of those knife sharpening steels she nicked from the kitchen? Doesn’t seem fair, but at least she’s more covered than the men.

    @Yoss: Maybe he’s used to wearing high heels too. Looks like he might topple over onto Carl. Explains Carl’s glower.

    Celine’s got a very wide stance. Carl seems to be leaning way over, also off-balance so he can get in the picture too. Gordo’s always hogging the limelight.

    @Tom: GSS!

    @Tat: Relax. Don’t do it.

  12. JuanPaul Says:

    Looks like they all ate nuclear chilli last night. Except the archer, he’s holding his nose

  13. Innocent Bystander Says:

    Would this merit a bear-wielding tag?

    And the gentleman in black could definitely have fronted any 80s hair metal band. Come to think of it, the woman wouldn’t have been out of place either.

    Wasteland Warriors appearing at Red Rock! Get your tickets now! Spaceship SS Testicle no doubt part of their special effects/show.

  14. Ray P Says:

    Even the ship has an attitude face like a bad ass Thomas the tank-engine character.

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    A quick Google brings me the terrifying news that this was a) part 2 of 3 and b) it was a Young Adult series. The big furry guy’s name is “Baer”. Our Hero there is “wild and instinctive” so his name’s “Ferral”.

    In less-funny news, we are told about the author “in 2007 he was run over by a bus.” Way to depress us all in the first sentence, SFE. It was a double-decker bus at a zebra crossing.

  16. Tor Mented Says:

    After the post about “The Last Assassin of the Unseen Throne,” I’ve been paying more attention to the cliché elements of covers. This one isn’t the worst offender, but it has one of the worst clichés: futuristic technology (the ship) combined with outdated melee weapons such as swords. That combination is so ridiculous that it just about guarantees that I won’t be reading the book. I think it goes back to when I read Edgar Rice Burroughs’ “A Princess of Mars” as a teen and found it so dull that I asked myself “why am I reading this?”
    Other clichés: half-human character, beautiful female warrior, anachronistic costumes and Captain America boots.

  17. Hammy Says:

    Tor @16:

    Is there such a thing as “futuristic melee weapons”? With the future of war seeming to be “mass destruction with huge spaceships”, why bother to develop melee weapons at all?

  18. Tor Mented Says:

    @Hammy: That’s what I find so absurd about this type of fantasy. Even in the American Civil War, with cannons and most rifles needing to be reloaded after one shot, there were very few deaths from blades such as bayonets.
    I suppose there could be a scenario about a band of rag-tag rebels who have only melee weapons. But the logical thing would be to use those weapons to ambush patrols or raid arsenals to obtain better weapons, with the melee weapons being immediately dropped.

  19. Bruce A Munro Says:

    They’re obviously getting their picture taken.

    @11; Maybe the Indian and furry guy are both post-bombaggedon mutants, with Stretch Armstrong flexibility being Soaring Turkey’s special mutant ability?

  20. FearøfMusic fea Says:

    Obviously they’ve landed on a tiny, tiny, oh so tiny planet.

  21. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    @Hammy #17… Tell that to the Jedi…They need to develop better weapons than just a lightsabre. Maybe a gun that launches multiple lightsabres at an individual?

  22. Tat Wood Says:

    Sport Billy’s coming to the rescue

  23. Hammy Says:

    @Anti-Sceptic (#21):

    Hey, it wasn’t me – I can read (or listen to) “Princess of Mars” just fine without thinking “hey, people who fly in spaceships should have moved beyond melee weapons like swords and stuff.”

    Part of the whole topic has to do with non-technical issues, like “does the society in question value one-on-one personal combat, which nearly demands melee weapons like swords, or are they a ‘kill ’em all and let *insert deity of your choice here* sort ’em out’ crowd?

    Tor Mented’s point, I think, was that it feels anachronistic to him (beyond his point of willing suspension of belief) for a society to have invented flying machines, spaceships, and advanced hair products, but to have remained in the far past as far as weaponry is concerned.

  24. Tor Mented Says:

    @Hammy and Anti-Sceptic: The anachronism are just a part of what turns me off. I can suspend my disbelief for impossible things (unicorns, vampires, politicians with morals) but I find it much harder to suspend my disbelief of the ridiculous.
    Authors seem to think swordplay is cool and swashbuckling, but the idea that anyone would use melee weapons in an age of advanced technology is absurd. Absurdity is good for spoofs, satire and social commentary, and not so good if the writer wants to be taken seriously.
    Remember Indiana Jones vs. the swordsman? We all know how that turned out.
    If a story is good, I will try to suspend my disbelief. The light sabers in Star Wars are ridiculous to me, but I overlook them because the first two movies were so good.

  25. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Cut! CUT!! Joe forgot to put on the headpiece again! I swear, he’s the worst Wookie actor we’ve ever had on set.”

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