Nov 17

And I thought having three horns coming out of my cranium would put women off!Click for new Hi-res zoom

We all know what men want. Hunky muscles and tight underwear. No? Uh, strange stone monoliths? No? Leopard skin capes. No? Three horns coming out of his skull? What, seriously, no? Alright, have them all, but add two naked women caressing him. Classy eh? Actually, don’t answer me this time.

Thanks to CSA!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.80 out of 10)

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41 Responses to “The Book of Ptath”

  1. CSA Says:

    That loin cloth/thong looks extremely uncomfortable. Way too tight.
    * insert pun about him being ‘horny’ *

  2. SI Says:

    It is a bit tight… hmmm…must be a cold day 😉

  3. little mi Says:

    looks like half his arm is leopard, not sure about the spikes coming out of his head and that seat looks pretty darn hard to get on and doesn’t even have a cushion. Where would the two delightful young ladies sit I wonder?

    …on second thoughts don’t answer that question.

  4. Roses Says:

    I love his expression: Oh God, not more sexy writhing women…again.

    It must be so difficult to be that spikey and all muscley.

    I am not entirely sure I would want to read a book that sounds like a phlegmic spit.

    Nor am I convinced that I would be tempted by an author who admits to writing The Voyage of the Space Beagle.

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    I am not entirely sure I would want to read a book that sounds like a phlegmic spit.

    The ‘P’ is silent. So, actually, is the final ‘H’. The Book of Tat. There you go.

  6. SI Says:

    Voyage of the space beagle?? How the heck did I miss that one all day??

    Better warn you Roses, CSA sent me a few covers with some naked women on them. He tells me he found them in a second hand book shop…. I think we know though…. we know…

  7. CSA Says:

    i felt dirty just taking a photo of it.

    I think i’d rather stroll into the porn shop 3 doors down and buy “Sex Trek the Next Penetration” on VHS than stand in line up to pay for some of the fantasy books i saw in the bookshop.
    I don’t think a brown paper bag would be enough to hide that cover from the public, people would still somehow know id just bought a bad fantasy novel… they’d just know… I’d see them, judging me with their eyes…

  8. Nix Says:

    The _Voyage of the Space Beagle_? Don’t worry, it’s named after the ship Darwin travelled on, not the annoying floppy dogs. And the loosely-described ‘plot’ of the book is just like that expedition in no way whatsoever.

    (God only knows what Panther did to *its* cover. The Book of Ptath is one book which would have been justified in having a Baen-style huge-explosions cover, so what did they give it? A softcore porn cover. I suppose it *was* a sixties publisher.)

  9. Roses Says:

    Adam, you’re not selling it to me.

    Woo Hoo more naked, lusty women….right.


    I’m a very heterosexual woman.

    Mind you, buff, spikey, half-leopard barbarian isn’t doing much for me at the moment. Actually, he didn’t do much for me yesterday either.

    Nix, I’m trying to imagine the cover of Voyage of the Space Beagle…I bet it’s got a rocket, pastel sky, guy in a space suit, big gun and two scantily clad women clinging to his legs.

  10. SI Says:

    If it makes you feel any better Roses and some what worrying on my behalf, I have taken a good few hunky men covers. So you’re covered there, though everyone of them seems to be built like a gladiator.

  11. Karl Says:

    Aka The Book of Shwing! Aka the Book of Boing!

    When all else fails … breasts.

  12. Nix Says:

    Roses: I’m afraid my Panther edition of _Voyage of the Space Beagle_ is very boring and Pantherish. The book *is* mostly about the voyages of a spacecraft and the horrible dangerous bastards it encounters on the way, though as far as I know the spacecraft isn’t anywhere near as ridiculously-shaped as the cover illo. (I think a picture of Coeurl would have been much niftier, though it might have made Good Show Sir: an oddly-coloured panther with hands, after all… it’s somewhat strange *Panther* Books didn’t choose to do that, really.)

  13. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Believe it or not, but that is EXACTLY what Silvio Berlusconi thinks he sees in the mirror.

  14. FearöfMusic Says:

    So the only thing required to be considered sexy is to be nude or close to it?
    Face of a harpy, odd spaghetti arms, elongated and possibly dislocated wrist, but hey wait! Boobie! HOT!

  15. David Cowie Says:

    This cover seems to imply that THE VOYAGE OF THE SPACE BEAGLE was written by The Book of Ptath. So the title must be A.E. VAN VOGT.

    And another thing: needs “once you see it” tag.

  16. The Tag Wizard Says:

    Once you see it… it becomes your new level of color tone normality.
    Thanks Mr C!

  17. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


    and my personal favourite,


  18. Tom Noir Says:

    This cover could use a space sheep to protect my innocent eyes.

    Right over that dude’s bulging crotch.

    God, I hope someone gets here via Googling ‘bulging crotch’.

  19. A.R.Yngve Says:


  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    *Ack*… *ack*…

    *Harrrk* — ptath!!

    Sorry, something got stuck in my throat.

  21. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    God, I hope someone gets here via Googling ‘bulging crotch’.

    As a matter of fact, Tom, I googled that phrase…and was taken straight to your LinkedIn profile. 😉

  22. Tom Noir Says:

    Yes, I’ve been a Lead Crotch Analayst in the codpiece industry for over a decade, and have taken the initiative on numerous projects to implement enterprise level jock straps, groin guards, war thongs and banana hammocks.

    I have very reasonable consulting rates.

  23. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Banana hammock…!! 😀

  24. Tom Noir Says:

    I like how it looks like that dude’s arm ends in a tiny leopard’s paw.

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    “Ptath” sounds exactly like the noise I make when I’m trying to clear my mouth of the fur one of the cats has “helpfully, lovingly” deposited in it.

    I haven’t read this one, but the cover matches the Wiki summary.

    Even beyond the tiny horns, I’m puzzled by the… U… chair… thing at top, and the third eye between his pecs. Guess that’s why he has to be shirtless?

  26. Bruce A Munro Says:

    More like the book of ptooie. (Not a Mario reference).

    Looking at the larger version, the harpy on the right looks like she’s about to stab the guy right in the junk.

    @GSS ex-noob: I suppose it’s his third eye of wisdom but he couldn’t put it on his forehead because he already had a horn there?

    Re the voyage of the Space Beagle, Coeurl often gets the cover, but rarely to Coeurl’s benefit.

    I had this edition, which didn’t look too awful.

  27. THX 1139 Says:

    I’ve heard of a hair shirt, but furry underpants must serve the same function.

  28. fred Says:

    How to capture a unicorn bull man? Hint….not with virgins.

  29. Tor Mented Says:

    Is that “The Bell Jar”?
    Oh, wait … “The Book of Ptath.

  30. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tor M—same thing just happened to me! At first glance I saw The Book of Plath and thought, “Oh, right, that’s exactly the kind of cover she’d appreciate.” And the crotched-horny guy does look more than a little like Ted Hughes.

  31. Bibliomancer Says:

    “The Bell Jar” audiobook as read by Daffy Duck

  32. Bruce A Munro Says:

    why is my comment awaiting moderation? Is it because I included some links to “Voyage of the Space Beagle” covers?

  33. Tag Wizard Says:

    @Bruce –

  34. Hammy Says:

    Thylvia Pthath.

  35. Tor Mented Says:

    If you’re taking a dietary thupplement, be thure it contains ptathium.

  36. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @THX: Even worse, I’d say.

  37. Francis Boyle Says:

    Those furry underpants have a weirdly high waistband and. . what looks like two crotch bulges. Could it be that he is, in fact, suitably equipped for the task at hand?

  38. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Francis: One of them’s up awfully high if so. Would there be enough room between them to, erm, accomplish the task? Maybe, depending on how bizarre the anatomy is under there — and it certainly seems to be.

    @BC: Ted Hughes wished he looked like that. And probably wrote a poem about imagining it.

  39. Francis Boyle Says:

    @GSS ex-noob

    Never underestimate human, er, alien ingenuity.

  40. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSS ex-noob: if you know Hughes’s work from school and not just the pantomime-villain created by the Plath Thesis industry and that godawful Gwyneth Paltrow flick, there’s one in ‘Lupercal’ that, er, stands out: (it’s remarkably hard… sorry, tricky, to google the actual poem without a lot else getting in the way).

  41. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: that last “Space Beagle” cover is a pretty good Coeurl.

    We, of course, have the SFBC cover, which is again GSS-worthy.

    @Tat: any of these?

    I pride myself on avoiding all things Paltrow.

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