Apr 08

Quick! Magic Missile them! They're after your perm!Click for full image

Typical blonde helpless maiden, possibly a wench from the local drinkery. Then a typical bartender looking guy with perm, a wooden magic wand, a glowing wrist band and a red misty entity coming from the side. Come on… do I have to think of everything?!?!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.60 out of 10)

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11 Responses to “Queens Knight”

  1. csa Says:

    It looks like a Mills and Boon romantic drama… but with magic missiles…

  2. Arch9enius Says:

    Or is that a paintbrush?

  3. FëarofMüsic Says:

    Ah yes, a masterpiece of the art of marketing! A true triumph! A veritable tour de force! Amazing! Hits all the high points! Let’s look closer…

    1. Bland and generic title that imparts only the vaguest impressipn of what the story may be about.

    2. Suitably bland cover art in a color pallette that is close to monochromatic and does not utilize any color known to attract the eye.

    3.The artwork is also nicely crafted. Nothing really specific, with just the barest hint of action. Perfect!

    4. Absolute lack of any description or even hint of what the story may be about. No point in counteracting the effect achieved by the titld and artwork.

    5.Potentially complimentary blurb from a suitably obscure magazine. Why choose a blurb from a magazine potential readers may have read? No, much better to choose a publication that is primarily a resource for writers!

    6.Shiny gold embossed title! Oooh, shiny! Readers can’t resist the shiny! They must have the shiny because the shiny is good!

    There you have it. The epitome of the craft. Every psychological cue struck with precision. Guaranteed to fly from the shelves.

  4. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @FoM—Good dissection. Also the font—the “K” appears to be saluting.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Hello! I’m the Queen! I want to be your friend! There, there, big fellah. There’s nothing to be afraid of! You know, I think he’s friendly…’




  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    How I long for a typo to make the cover remotely interesting, such as:

    “Master is chesterful”….

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:


    “Master is chesterful.”

  8. anon Says:

    Thousandth best teary lib on National Kegger Life
    Dr. Borat H. Cheese
    “Masterful chest expositions!” — L. Ratear
    HUNTIN’ THE KEG, seq.

  9. GSS noob Says:

    FëarofMüsic (that’s how it always appears on my screen) has analyzed this perfectly. It couldn’t be more generic. Who’s going to pay five quid for generic?

    I love anon’s anagrams. Is s/he still with us?

  10. Ben Says:

    I AM THE MALE MODEL ON THIS COVER and I cracked myself laughing when I read this! 😅😂🤘 Love it

  11. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Ben, please tell us more! I don’t think we’ve ever had a cover model here.

    Was that your actual hairdo? Was it hers?
    Were you and she really in those outfits? And what were they like to wear?
    How long were you on set?
    Was the set just a blank stage they took your pictures on?
    Did your arm get tired holding the magic wand?
    Did you get paid a reasonable amount?
    How did you even find this online?

    I have so many questions.

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