May 08
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Good Show Sir Comments: From the engorged pen of Larry Correia who last graced these pages with his Monster Hunter Badonkadonk comes his latest Baen-tasm: Noir Fatale. Here is a veritable arsenal of new stories which eager readers can’t wait to crack open. Some of Baen’s best writers are behind this masterpiece. A wide assortment; you’ll be bummed if you miss out on this cheeky title!
Do you want to win a copy of NOIR FATALE signed by LARRY CORREIA & KACEY EZELL? Click here to learn how! https://t.co/jDiKKbRlRl
— Baen Books (@BaenBooks) May 7, 2019
Published 2019
(Average: 6.46 out of 10)
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May 8th, 2019 at 9:30 am
Foreign language grammar freak alert…
The French title to my Gallic eye is incorrect. Should be Noir Fatal or Noire Fatale…
May 8th, 2019 at 9:32 am
@VC – Thanks for your insight. Much appreciated. Of course Baen Books couldn’t care less if their French is correct. They barely care about their English.
May 8th, 2019 at 10:29 am
In honor of this contest I choose Ian Richardson/Dark City.
May 8th, 2019 at 10:37 am
I’m reminded of a Pink Floyd album cover, if only I could bring the right one to mind…
May 8th, 2019 at 12:30 pm
Natasha Fatale is the only Noir Fatale.
May 8th, 2019 at 12:35 pm
@THX – are you thinking of the Pink Floyd “back catalogue”?
May 8th, 2019 at 1:29 pm
The original blurb:
Enter KING LEAR and Fool
KING LEAR
Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
Till you have drench’d our steeples, drown’d the cocks!
You sulphurous and thought-executing fires,
Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts,
Singe my white head! And thou, all-shaking thunder,
Smite flat the thick rotundity o’ the world!
Crack nature’s moulds, an germens spill at once,
That make ingrateful man!
May 8th, 2019 at 2:16 pm
She’s a Femme Phatale.
May 8th, 2019 at 2:17 pm
Baen had to cancel their online contest: too many bots.
May 8th, 2019 at 2:20 pm
From this cover I deduce that, in the Baen universe, one set of buttocks is worth a helluva lot of explosions.
May 8th, 2019 at 2:26 pm
She looks like she’s ready to fire off that T-shirt cannon. She’s got two more shirts ready to go on her ammo belt.
May 8th, 2019 at 3:14 pm
Ars* gratia ars*
May 8th, 2019 at 3:22 pm
@MakkaPakka—That translates as “Big ass, big crack” correct? My classical Latin is a little rusty.
May 8th, 2019 at 3:29 pm
Edited by the Puppy himself? No doubt only the very finest of selections!
OK: this cover is – well, fully assed in a literal sense, but metaphorically half-assed. The title is dumb (modifying “noir” with “fatale” gives us “black fatal” which sounds like the name of a character in a badly translated anime), The woman’s costume is boring as well as skin-tight, the oversized gun looks quickly doodled, and the “futuristic” cityscape is pretty paint-by-the-numbers. (They haven’t even bothered to give actual names to the local establishments, simply calling them “bar”, “music”, and “live music”. Welcome to Generic City, folks).
Also, “the dark side” of Science Fiction and Fantasy? There has been a lot of very grim and downright horrific science fiction and fantasy tales over the years, but I somehow doubt that’s what they’re talking about here: the cover promises not shuddersome darkness but escapist Bangs and Boobs.
May 8th, 2019 at 4:47 pm
Anyone else think her left arm is a bit undersized, even with perspective?
And she also looks rather concerned at the prospect of being on this cover, almost like she knows what kind of book it is and would rather avoid that fate.
May 8th, 2019 at 5:10 pm
@BruceAM—My French is not much better than my Latin, but I think the way the adjectives and the nouns go, you flip them when translating to English. So, for example, “femme fatale” translates to “fatal woman,” not “woman fatal.” This one would translate to “Fatal Black” (or “Fatal Noir” since the French use the word “noir”—invented it in fact—to refer to the noir genre, not the literal color), not “Black Fatal.” However you translate it, I agree it sounds like a bad anime title. I also like your “Generic City” label. Somewhere in the background there is probably a building with a sign saying “Building” hanging from it.
May 9th, 2019 at 12:30 am
@Bruce (14) and B. C. (16):
“Generic CIty” is right! Heck, even the Batman TV show from the ’60s, as campy as it was, was better.
Where else can you find “secret entrance to the Batcave” signs?
May 9th, 2019 at 1:45 am
@B. Chiclitz: that’s what I get for posting when I haven’t had caffeine yet. Also, that’s some very fine use of Shakespeare. GSS.
May 9th, 2019 at 6:53 am
Dear BAEN!badonkadonk of underage overarmed catsuit gynoid:
How much would *you* pay *me* to take this piece of crap off your hands?
A cover that manages to be dull despite having the ever-popular boobs-butt-broken back pose of an underage woman with a overly-large handgun. Edited by the guy who started the whole Puppy debacle that backfired against him and his publisher.
Font problems, dull background, no editing, some crap writers.
Generic Extruded SF Product For Semi-Illiterates, taking place in the Generic City of the future. Looks like the work of a drop-out of UAI.
@Bruce: I agree with every word of your comment. Perfectly stated. GSS. This cover’s more “Gris” than “Noir”.
@Anna T: her left arm is definitely wrong. Maybe the right one’s hypertrophied thanks to hoisting the gun, though it looks like it’s made out of hollow plastic. But she doesn’t have a holster to store it in, so holding it all the time maybe builds bulk.
And her boob has got to be an extremely improbable (and not at all sexy) shape, at a very odd angle. Maybe she’s actually flat-chested and is storing something in her generic catsuit front?
@BC: I’m insulted on Shakespeare’s behalf, but good choice.
@MakkaPakka’s quote means “Butt, gratuitous butt”.
@Tag W: also completely correct. They freely admit that they don’t bother with continuity, grammar, and spelling check since, and I quote their head “editor”: Our audience doesn’t care about any of that.
May 9th, 2019 at 5:27 pm
@GSSxN – Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?
May 15th, 2019 at 4:58 am
@TW: Still too soon for that joke. 🙂
May 27th, 2019 at 2:29 pm
I FART ALONE
Take off this dais at once and find sciency ER.
Edited by Acrylia Error & Zleeky Lace
With stories by Acrylia Error, Wide Bare VD, All-Real Milkuthon, Hot Ars Ya-Ha and more!
May 28th, 2019 at 7:16 am
I don’t know how much time @anon spends on his/her/their comments, but I do enjoy them. The title and first line are primo here; the other two lines are a bit more subtle but also very amusing.
May 28th, 2019 at 7:24 am
And… I am not making this up, but “Baby Got Back” just randomly came on my TV. So this cover/comment is appropriately soundtracked, and I cannot lie.
November 29th, 2021 at 10:18 pm
I’ll have a Noir Fat Ale and a packet of crisps, please.