Jan 16

Conan gives his prom date a big surprise!Click for larger image

Good Show Sir Comments: After fix basement flood, Conan go hang with Azoth. OK?

Published 2016

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.13 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “The Weird Tales of Conan the Barbarian”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    “Nobody must see Conan’s Bettie Page hairdo disaster!”

  2. JuanPaul Says:

    “Conan have hot date. Crom curse gondolier for being late!”

  3. fred Says:

    Finally. A proper, non Hollywood handsome Conan.

  4. Ryan Says:

    @Fred, yes, non-Hollywood, who subsists on a diet of unfiltered Camels, whiskey and fried steaks.

    Fortunately, Gwyneth Paltrow is arriving to provide him with some Hollywood health advice in the form of Goop products.

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    Oh noes! Conan is flashing a white power OK hand signal.

  6. Tat Wood Says:

    (in John LaFontaine voice)

    Max Wall IS… Conan!

  7. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “Conan had small accident with boat.”

    All the weirdness must be keeping Conan up at nights: those are some serious bags under his eyes.

    Also, I’m not quite sure if he’s showing his teeth or just being sort of pouty.

  8. Tor Mented Says:

    “Dear, better call the exterminator. It looks like we have Cimmerians in the basement.”

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @fred—I’m all for non-Hollywood handsome, but this goes too far. Bandy legs, flabby pecs, baggy eyes—this guy looks more like Moe than Conan! 😉

  10. Tat Wood Says:

    Drink! Arse! Feck! Girls!

  11. Hammy Says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen a jaw as square as Conan’s….

  12. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Judging by the color scheme of this, we can guess what sort of flood it was.

    How can an actual Conan look like a bad excuse for a Faux-nan? I daresay if the damsel in the diaphanous blue dress can get rid of the sword, she’s got a chance against him in hand-to-hand combat. Providing she doesn’t laugh at such a skinny, gurning specimen of alleged barbarian magnificence.

    The Weird Physique of Conan the Barbarian.

    @Tor: GSS.

  13. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    GSSxn #12: Simple. It was a mix-up at the publishers. This cover was intended for The Last Hero by Sir Pterry. In other words, that’s Cohen the Barbarian, not Conan.

  14. Francis Boyle Says:

    Just to be gender inclusive, on closer inspection our damsel looks like an septuagenarian with pancake make up, so maybe this is a guidebook to fantasy roleplaying for older folk. I have no explanation for the sewer though.

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I think @L_L and @Francis have provided much more plausible interpretations.

  16. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @L_L and @GSSxn: Even though Cohen the Barbarian has false teeth made of diamond, I can’t imagine him ever wearing that wig.

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Vlttp: If we consider the role-playing idea of @Francis, the wig is explained.

    Combine their ideas, and the picture almost makes sense.

  18. A.R.Yngve Says:

    But really, what did you expect? Conan has been around for close to 100 years – it’s bound to show…

    “By Crom, I am not old! And this IS my real hair! Don’t touch it, please.”

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