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May 28

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Ryan Comments: I am torn between the best feature on this cover – the little cat-man or the wizard’s shoes.

Published 1987

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.00 out of 10)
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19 Responses to “Caught in Crystal”

  1. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “The complete run of the original Smurfs TV show!”

    @Ryan: Is it a cat man? Or a bear man? Or a sheep man? I can’t tell!

  2. THX 1139 Says:

    “What the… ‘Retune as the programme map has changed’ AGAIN?!”

  3. fred Says:

    I want to see what they look like at the end of this pub crawl.
    Best feature – the Wizard’s overly drawn left hand when compared to every other hand on the cover.

  4. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Oh dear, oh dear. Hangover day at the copywriter’s desk.
    Haul out the Blurbinator(tm)…

    “The [1] held a [2], a forgotten [3] of dark [4]…”

    [1]
    a) crystal
    b) sword
    c) shield
    d) staff
    e) book
    f) smartphone

    [2]
    a) secret
    b) curse
    c) prophecy
    d) spell
    e) power
    f) data file

    [3]
    a) tale
    b) legend
    c) saga
    d) rumor
    e) story
    f) message

    [4]
    a) magic
    b) sorcery
    c) enchantment
    d) chaos
    e) forces
    f) genital photos

  5. Adzel Says:

    Another pub-crawl, another…oh, damnation! Friday’s Quest Night always ended as it began: with Faelyn using that thrice-cursed fire-crystal to decide how to divide up the night’s beer tab.

  6. JuanPaul Says:

    A forgotten tale of magic: Uber’s surge pricing. “Oh my god, it’s going to cost us how much to get home???”

  7. anonymous Says:

    You want you a forgotten tale of dark magic? “Link and Jen from The Dark Crystal had a love child, and he’s on the cover of a mediocre Fantasy novel.” There’s your forgotten tale of dark magic!

  8. Daard23 Says:

    They look like they’re all from the same family. All four of them.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    Karen Carpenter in the purple frock seems to have something wrong with her right hand. It seems to have morphed into a pasta-strainer.

  10. Queen Khentkawes Says:

    I’ve always wondered what was going on inside one of those Thomas Kinkade cottages. Now we know.

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    The Magic Crystal holds a secret they desperately need, namely, how to get your hair/beard/fur done properly during the pandemic.

    @Tat W—she also seems to be levitating.

  12. Bibliomancer Says:

    That’s a third chick in a fake beard cosplaying the wizard.

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Looks like a dog man to me. Check out that snout, very canid. Wolf, German Shepherd, something of that sort.

    The wizard’s shoes are just precious.

    Is the lady in the middle sans trou? Are the leg coverings what’s caught in the crystal, and she’s looking for them in it?

    What is WITH the free hand of the crystal-holding woman? Her fingers appear to be set in a circle around her palm. Hands are hard to draw?

    Do not look into Magic Crystal with remaining eye. It’s pretty bright Dark Magic innit?

    @B’man: I agree.

    @daard: Hey, let’s not insult a perfectly good dog-man by lumping him in with the three weirdo sisters.

    Dog-man is the only one in this tavern I’d hang around with. Maybe he’s not with them, maybe he’s just looking on WTF like we are. “This tavern used to have standards, now they’re letting any old riff-raff in.”

    @Queen K: If only they were that interesting. There’s a cottage industry (har har) of adding SF or fantasy elements to Kinkade (which I always read as “Kink-Ade”) pictures. An AT-AT shooting up a log cabin, something Lovecraftian rising from a calm pond, that sort of thing.

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    Got it – Karen’s transforming herself into a Ronco Flowerloom.

    (Is it just me or does that now sound like a minor character in ‘Game of Thrones’, along with ‘Cillit Bang’ and ‘REO Speedwagon’).

  15. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @GSSxn & Tat W: Is there a prize if you can guess which digit is supposed to be the thumb?

    There doesn’t appear to be sufficient arms to go round for everybody as well – I’m not quite sure which woman the hand with the crystal belongs to.

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Vlttp: Nobody could guess which is the thumb. I could tell you which one isn’t, probably. Maybe.

    I thought the crystal-holding hand was the woman in the middle’s at first too, but I’m not sure. Either:

    1. Lady in red is holding it and Karen Flowerloom has an arm that ends a few inches from her shoulder, or

    2. Karen’s holding it with a hand that the fingers are on backwards (which seems par for the course here!), and lady in red is missing her right arm entirely. Which is going to make drawing that pig-sticker a bit awkward.

    Honestly, animal-man is the best-drawn person on this cover.

  17. Hammy Says:

    My question is –

    Is this book a good Wrede or a bad Wrede?

    I’ll get my coat….

  18. DaveM Says:

    (1) The wizard on the right looks like a lady wearing a false beard (maybe she’s planning to drop by the stonings later).

    (2) It’s weird that these types of covers are both so generic, and so recognisable at the same time. One glance is all that it takes to place this as an 80’s fantasy cover, though if you just showed the picture you’d never be able to guess if it was for a book or an RPG for the Amiga 500.

  19. Tat Wood Says:

    @ DaveM: or an album cover from a hair-metal band. Magnum, for instance.

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