Nov 02

Worst. Orgy. Ever.Click for larger image

Bibliomancer’s Art Direction: “We commissioned a cover for a children’s Christmas book “Santa Help Me”. Are you dyslexic or just a moron?!”

Published 1980

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.62 out of 10)

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28 Responses to “Satan Help Me”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    …but it was OK because everyone noticed the demons only wanted to squabble amongst themselves, so we were able to get on with our day.

  2. fred Says:

    Dude, Cleopatra held an ASP to her breast.

  3. Bibliomancer Says:

    Playing Twister™ in Hell

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    Obviously this is from Hieronymus Bosch’s early period when he was really into explosions and trying to figure out the sex thing.

  5. Tor Mented Says:

    Alternate title: “The Abduction of the Sabine Snake-Women.”

  6. Bruce A Munro Says:

    I believe Mitch Mcconnell has him on speed-dial.

    “Take over the town?” Seems a bit of a modest objective for the hordes of hell. “Today, Corn Nugget, Nebraska – tomorrow the world?” More of a job for Black Bart and his gang, if you ask me. Can’t really claim the anatomy is off – demons are noted for anatomical peculiarities, and these are pretty tame.

    Also, Laocoon is not flattered by the reference.

  7. Tor Mented Says:

    I get the feeling that the artist turned this painting in, muttered “For this I went to art school” and blew the paycheck on scotch.

  8. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Looks like the artist spent all his time painting the scales and ignored everything else, like color, balance, etc.

    I’d be more impressed if the bird behind the central group didn’t have the head of a chicken. Some sort of bird of prey would be much better, but he already did that with the guy on the left. Why not a vulture, like in the background?

    Is the demon on the right suffering from male pattern baldness?

    @Bruce: other way around re Mitch and Satan.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    “I licked a toad, now I’m seeing explosions, scaly one-legged eagle-men and a Lamia with a rotating head. I need noodly lead-breaks and latin percussion.

    “Santana Help Me”

  10. Raoul Says:

    These cotton sheets feel too rough to get a good night’s sleep

    “Satin Help Me”

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    This cover is taking itself way too seriousl (symbolism much lately?) and today’s great comments are just what it needs. I think this must be true of the book as well. I mean, would you break out of the fiery pits of hell, claw your way through the very bowels of the Earth, and then just take over . . . a town?

    “Ok, Fife, drop that apple pie. Mayberry is ours at last! Nyaa-ha-ha-haah!

  12. THX 1139 Says:

    I ended up in a demon-infested town and don’t know which road is the way out.

    “Satnav Help Me”

  13. Rick Deckard Says:

    What can we do? There are billions and billions of demons in this vast universe, all coming from the bowels of the Earth.

    “Sagan Help Me”

  14. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Rick Deckard: Ah, but Sagan wouldn’t espouse such a pale blue dot-centric view of things. After all, in the greater universe, there may be billions and billions of planets with billions and billions of demons in the bowels of each.

    (Even at my current age, I sometimes feel shamefully immature. When the expression “bowels of the Earth” is used, I can’t help hearing, in the back of my mind, a diminutive Beavis and Butthead snickering: “Bowels. Heh heh heh.”

  15. Leak Says:

    I think something got jumbled on the way to print, and it turned into

    “Nagas Help Me”

    Hence the many scales…

  16. Tor Mented Says:

    I need to understand outdated slang.
    Satan Hep Me.

  17. Bruce A Munro Says:

    This one is really generating the jokes. Will this be the next “The (Something) that came to Sarnath?” Stay tuned!

  18. Tat Wood Says:

    Oh dear, I’ve begotten a meme.

    Sarnath help me.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Maybe they need Nicole Kidman crooning pop tunes in period outfits.

    Satine Help Me.

  20. Tor Mented Says:

    I don’t know how to steer this ship.
    Seamen Help Me.
    (And aren’t you glad I took that tack with the word.)

  21. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Are You There, Satan? It’s Me, Margaret

  22. Longtime_Lurker Says:

    And why hasn’t this one been used already??

    “Help! I’m dyslexic! Santa help me!”

  23. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Longtime_Lurker: perhaps Santa could use the Krampus as an intermediary.

  24. Tor Mented Says:

    Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko are having troubling plotting their comics.
    Stan Help Me.

  25. Tor Mented Says:

    I want to watch the 1915-16 silent French film serial “Les Vampires.”
    Satanas Help Me.

  26. Tat Wood Says:

    Russ Meyer’s secured the film rights. Tura Satana Help Me.

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    They couldn’t afford natural fiber cloth, so they had to settle for the polyester imitation.

    Sateen Help Me.

  28. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Only a masked Mexican wrestler can deal with this.

    Demonio Azul, Ayudame!

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