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Dec 08

The TurdladClick for larger image

JuanPaul Comments: This guy really hates twelve sided die.

Published 2011

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.38 out of 10)
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20 Responses to “The Tuloriad”

  1. A. R. Yngve Says:

    David Icke approves of this cover.

  2. Francis Boyle Says:

    There are too many letters in the title. Fortunately on first viewing my brain filtered out the unnecessary ones.

  3. THX 1139 Says:

    “So I says, ‘Gee, Mom, you’re not making me wear this for the big battle, and she says…”

  4. Dave Van Domelen Says:

    The Command Dodecahedrons suggest this is an Aldenata (Posleen) book. Kratman’s name suggests there will be heroic Nazis, Texas separatists, or both.

  5. fred Says:

    My favorite part of the LOTR books is when Halberd shows up with the Dunedain of the North and the sons of Elrond.

  6. Ryan Says:

    “Why is the Turdlord so angry?” I asked myself, until I finally realized it was the eye of a dragon or giant toad or whatever overlooking him.

    No one likes to be micromanaged.

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    Papal Swiss Guard Fanfic

  8. Tat Wood Says:

    Anyone who grew up in 70s Britain expects Stuart Hall or Eddie Waring to do the commentary.

    Anyone from early 80s Britain expects Kevin Rowland to sing the theme song.

  9. JuanPaul Says:

    Instead of being known for great skiing like its sister city, Telluride Colorado, Tuloriad is famous for its over aggressive LARP tournaments.

  10. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Look out, aliens! The Pope has unleashed the Swiss Guard, and they have pointy sticks!

    “Ringo’s military SF is unparalleled, fortunately” – Library Journal.

    @JuanPaul: using SF to make life more like a LARP is something of a running gag for Baen authors. One might note SM Stirlingsilver’s Change Series, in which he uses one of those pesky changes in the fundamental laws of physics to turn the world into a giant Society for Creative Anachronism-wank at the negligible cost of a few billion lives.

    Edit: didn’t notice Bibliomancer got in there ahead of me.

  11. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Dave: don’t summon the K-man. He’s one of those types who trawls the internet for mentions of his name, so he can show up and be obnoxious to those which have taken it in vain.

  12. fred Says:

    Review of the book.

    https://seekingnewearth.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/guest-review-the-tuloriad/

    ‘By the way, the priest is married to the ship and the Pope has reinstated marriage by priests and has actually commanded it for up to 4 wives at a time. It works better than you may think in the story.’

  13. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @fred: Anyone who apparently liked “Caliphate” is not someone whose opinion on SF books I’m going to put much faith in.

  14. A. R. Yngve Says:

    It’s as if the cover is trying to escape itself out of sheer despair.

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It’s no wonder the poor Swissguardsman is in such a bad mood, what with his terribly withered right arm and all.

  16. Tat Wood Says:

    Dan Starkey’s doing his best but this new Sontaran costume isn’t doing it for me.

  17. THX 1139 Says:

    “WOULD IT KILL YOU TO GET A VACUUM CLEANER IN HERE?!!!”

  18. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Going by the authors’ names, “this guy” also hates independent women, Muslims, LGBT, PoC, non-‘Muricns, gun control, and anyone politically to the left of… anybody.

    This is supremely cluttered and ugly even by the standards of BAEN!!!gunsboobsbullshit. You can almost hear it.

    @Dave: I’m betting on Nazi Texans. Even worse than Illinois Nazis, and we all know how bad they are.

    @Bruce: what you said.

    @Tat: Oi! Don’t insult Sontarans like that. They’re more liberal than these authors.

  19. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Q: What, exactly, is a “New York Times Best-Selling Series”?

    A: No one knows anymore. It’s just something a publisher slaps onto covers in the hope it might help sales. Think of it as a kind of lucky charm or prayer wheel.

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I initially read the title as “The Tutoriad” and thought, “Wow, this is much more violent and fugly than any tutorial session I ever had or heard of.”

    @ARY: GSS.

    @Bruce: I would extend that to “… whose opinion on ANYTHING is…”

    Also the full blurb said, “is unparalleled… because everyone with any taste or decency is fleeing perpendicularly from it”.

    Finally, obligatory OH JOHN RINGO NO.

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