Dec 05

Somebody flip him the bird

Good Show Sir comments: The Big Oil War. Looks like a nasty winter coming to London.

Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.67 out of 10)

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22 Responses to “Der Grosse Ölkrieg”

  1. Bruce A Munro Says:

    That cover wants to be directed by Michael Bay.

  2. fred Says:

    Turtleneck….gloves….I think we’re looking at Lord and Lady We’ll Survive We’re Entitled.

  3. Max Bathroom Says:

    I’ve never even heard of HJ Alpers, but I wonder if Pat Mills had and this was an influence on the Invasion/Savage story in 2000AD?

  4. NomadUK Says:

    Who cares about H J Alpers? I want to know who Moe Wig is.

  5. Tor Mented Says:

    Quick! Someone tell Baen their supply of orange paint has been stolen.

  6. Tat Wood Says:

    Help! Legoland’s on fire.

  7. Francis Boyle Says:

    Art Director: I don’t think this cover is explody enough. Can you add in a random exploding ship in a position that completely defies the laws of perspective. But keep most of it out of frame – we don’t want to overdo it.


  8. NomadUK Says:

    Giant Toffs Wreak Havoc on Thames! See page 3!

  9. NomadUK Says:

    Fat-fingers. Hit the Submit button before deleting ‘Middle-Class’ bit. Oh, well.

  10. GSS ex-noob Says:

    GROSS indeed.

    I must give a hearty GSS to all. Like the Thames, you are all on fire.*
    Especial shout-out to @Bruce, @fred, @Tat and @Tor. Double special to @NomadUK.

    If his Lordship (shouldn’t they be tucked up in the Stately Home, making the peasants chop wood for them?) fires the big gun right there, she’s not going to be hearing anything for quite a while.

    I don’t recall Tower Bridge and Parliament being so close together. I’ve only spent a week inside the M25; did the artist spend no time at all or look at a map? What horror is coming from Southbank?

    @Tat: As they say “It’s only a model”. The more I look at it, the more I think you’re right.

    *(actually that was the Cuyahoga… repeatedly, but only once in my life)

  11. fred Says:

    I nominate Oxford’s word of the year – ‘goblin mode’ – as an upcoming weeks theme.

  12. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSS ex-noob: This is the version of London that’s seen in ‘also among world capitals invaded’ round-ups in American films. For some reason, aliens seem to think that only notable tourist locations are worth attacking, so they go for Tower Bridge rather than GCHQ or MI5’s ziggurat (whch really does look like Lego) and mysterously never target power-stations* or military emplacements. Then they destroy the Taj Mahal and Eiffel Tower.

    What horror’s coming from the South Bank? Maybe someone showed them the Shard.

    Of course, this may be the underwhelming model village Tucktonia, as seen in ‘Life-Force’ and less convincing than the spaceships or the animatronic Patrick Stewart.

    (*At least when the Daleks invaded in 2150/ 2000/ 1964 they trashed Battersea Power Station, a place real Londoners know, although it stopped generating in 1983 and is now the excuse for a whole lot more gentrification/ money-laundering.)

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: And they always take out the Empire State Building instead of the money-laundering places in NYC. And the Golden Gate Bridge is never safe, even though we’ve got several other bridges which carry more traffic, and taking out the NASA center and all the internet companies would be more effective.

    I guess Germans have as feeble a grasp of London as Americans. If I was in an oil war and had to attack Britain, I’d take out Aberdeen myself, but nobody knows what that looks like. I was there on a rare sunny day and the granite does sparkle nicely then, though it must be deadly depressing when cloudy.

    Maybe the artist once got stuck in deepest Dorset one day and Tucktonia was all he saw till he could get back across the Channel. So he wanted to set it afire.

  14. Emster Says:

    @Nomad – pretty sure “Mowig” is German for “Baen” – all that orangey over-the-top goodness!

    Hmmmm…. I’d never really considered why the bad guys/aliens were always bombing the tourist attractions instead of actual power bases… but then I live in a country with several nuclear power plants so mebbe it’s for the best that Canada flies under the radar and only gets used as “pretend America” by film crews.

  15. JJYoyo Says:

    @GSSxN (#10): The bigger problem with the positions of Tower Bridge and Big Ben is that if you were standing on the South Bank such that the bridge were at that angle (and never mind the buildings that would block the view anyway – we can safely say they’ve already been destroyed in the Grosse Öil War) Westminster would not be in that direction – it would be slightly to the left of the bridge – ie out of frame. The Thames: it bends.

  16. Tat Wood Says:

    @JJYoyo, ex-Noob: My mum was born during the Blitz. I’m actually rather glad so many Germans have such a hazy idea of London geography.

    Although, hypothetically, a tsunami of oil trashing the Thames barrier might sweep Tower Bridge upriver to the Victoria Embankment. This may explain why the river’s now so deep that these giants (Cheryl Ladd and Lyle Waggoner) are hip-deep despite towering over HMS Belfast.

  17. Max Bathroom Says:

    “pretty sure “Mowig” is German for “Baen” – all that orangey over-the-top goodness!”
    They’re the mullety-er version of Baen, for when a cover needs mo’ wig.

  18. Tracy Says:

    This cover will give anyone nightmares… because the man looks like a screaming Donald Trump.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tracy: He’s orange enough, but he seems to have all his own hair in the proper place, and also not a round face with no chin. Could be one of his many shady lawyers.

    @JJYoyo: Exactly! Even allowing for the skyscrapers that are there now but not in the 80s, it doesn’t allow for Big Ben and Tower Bridge to be that close together, in the same plane of orientation. I went with my memory of a boat ride between the two landmarks, and looked on a map The only possible explanation is what @Tat said, and the bridge has washed well upstream, but in one piece. Taking out a few other bridges.

    @Tat: Spot on with the ID’s. Although, as you thought, it might be a small faux-Thames, and they were having a model boat regatta when all this conflagration happened. Lyle’s about to shoot whoever set his model of the Belfast afloat; he worked on that every day for months! Cheryl’s yelling at the blackguard for that. The fires on the River Tucktonia are from all the spilled fuel from the toy ships.

    And lucky for your Mum. The London pea-soup came in handy before all the sensors we have now.

    @Emster: in Canadian movies, do they blow up the CN Tower?

  20. Emster Says:

    CN Tower doesn’t get blown up much ’cause it’s not really the scene for a major international incident… but Toronto DID play itself in “The F Word” starring that Harry Potter kid and that Kylo Ren guy, with the Tower quietly doing its thing in the background which we Canadians were calmly pleased about.

  21. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Why am I giggling?
    Because in Swedish, “Öl” means “beer.”
    “The Great Beer War”…

  22. Hammy Says:


    Now, “The Great Beer War”, I could see. Belgians v. Germans v. Austrians v. whoever else shows up in a struggle for who brews best….

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