Feb 04

Hey! Who wants to see the crotch enhancements on my space suit? Girls?Click for full image

I’ll tell you want you need. And skin it for free. Sorry, I mean what you need are bubble helmets and plenty of them. Nothing screams, ‘we’re in the future’ more than bubble helmets. With space suits of different unnecessarily bright colours. It’s the new retro. Or, the same as the previous retro… pretro?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.81 out of 10)

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45 Responses to “Lodestar”

  1. CSA Says:

    I never understand the cliche of spacesuits being different colours. Did the author really say they all had different coloured suits?

    The bubble helmets are so stupid looking, not to mention completely impractical (again, did the author actually descrive them as such?). I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the artwork was a generic piece done before the the book was even written.

  2. SI Says:

    Different colours simply helps when you are being eaten by a space monster. You don’t have to think it’s just, ‘BLUE, oh well there goes Shelia.’

  3. little mi Says:

    ‘Pretro’…wow, a word I never knew I needed until you discovered it! I love it and will use it as much as possible from now on.

    I also like the way her suit is bubbly but still shows her feminine curves. Practicle yet also pleasing on the eye. Comes in a range of pastel shades.

  4. CSA Says:

    And also comes with what every woman wants…. shoulder pads.

    (shoulder pads only available for the blue suit)

    @SI but what if in some daring plan to actually have a decent chance of winning a fight you have 12+ people. Shelia was wearing the the ‘sky blue’ suit. Pete in the ‘ocean blue’ suit was actually eaten.

  5. SI Says:

    Oh good point about the ocean blue. Hmm does that mean your team would be limited to how many strong distinguishable colours you might have to hand?

    Unless! And I am thinking very cleverly here. You have a colour per job duty.

    Blue = Security office
    Yellow = Science!!!!
    Red = Expendable

  6. CSA Says:

    But what if you are an expendable scientist?

    Ah! nvm, that would be orange.

  7. Simon Says:

    Damn but that’s a CROWDED cover. Too much type! Too many figures! Too many figures in bubble helmets.

    ‘In space no-one can hear the constant bonging and clanging of your glass bubble helmets gently banging up against each other’

  8. Adam Roberts Says:

    We assume the novel is called ‘Lodestar.’ But maybe it’s called ‘Lodfstar’. That would be a better title, I think.

  9. Adam Roberts Says:

    Also: those bubble helmets look like the disembodied heads in jars from Futurama.

  10. SI Says:

    Is it just me.. or does the women in the blue space suit kinda look like if she looks straight, her chin will just keep on hitting the front of the bubble helmet?

  11. CSA Says:

    @SI yeah it is a bit of a squeeze

    @Adam It really does look like the heads from futurama! But an author would have to be mad as a hatter to write a novel about disembodied heads! 😉

  12. Simon Says:

    Adam’s written a book about disemheaded bodies. But perhaps that’s what you were referring to . . .

  13. CSA Says:

    Yeah, its in my “to read” book pile. Which is now actually nearly a full shelf.
    The new Wheel of Time book kinda jumped the queue. But i DID start I Am Scrooge a few days ago, which although very short, im enjoying.

    Its just a pity his covers are too good to post here 😉

    I bought Lovegroves Age of Ra and Barclays Dawnthief aswell. Both with decent covers. I couldnt get the first edition of Dawnthief, which sports an awesome cover.

  14. Adam Roberts Says:

    Some Disemheaded Bodies was my first choice title for that novel; but Simon, the killjoy, wouldn’t let me have it.

  15. CSA Says:

    Sorry i forgot yours was the other way around…. Disemheaded Bodies…. thats even madder than what i thought it was about! You’re insane i tell ya.

    Somehow, and i DO own a copy, it never really clicked that it was called “Land of the Headless” and not “Land of the Bodyless”. Shame on me. I actually read a book many many years ago by Orson Scott Card called Wyrms, which is basically the futurama version. I’m guessing yours is better.

  16. Simon Says:

    I think it may be. Adam’s views on homosexualality are in no way as headline grabbing as Orson’s though.

  17. Simon Says:



  18. CSA Says:

    …yeah… I’d never have guessed from Ender Trilogy.
    I read all the “The Tales of Alvin Maker” up untill i was about 13ish then i heard about Mormanism and my enjoyment of the books decreased exponentially… Alvin Maker books are completely Morman propoganda…. from then on i thought Card was a bit of a fag (South Park definition)

  19. Adam Roberts Says:

    Simon: in the same way that I prefer ‘Lodfstar’ to ‘Lodestar’ I much prefer ‘homosexualality’ to ‘homosexuality’.

  20. CSA Says:

    Oh Adam, News of the World will be all over that like a simile in a sonnet .They shall translate it into something… devious.

    UrbanDictionary says “homosexualality isn’t defined yet.” but it sounds pretty pretro, which sadly is already defined :'(

  21. SI Says:

    Boy, I’d love to see how you get on marking any type of english essay Adam.

    ‘Extrevaganter. ah HA! Simply Marvelous!’ Obviously spoken in a heavy thespian style.


  22. Karl Says:

    Needs more Starfisting!

  23. Tom Noir Says:

    This is actually a good book in a good series. The series is basically realistic-ish near future sci-fi about killer asteroids heading towards earth. Colorful spacesuits with Krang and Kodos-style bubble helmets were definitely not on the menu.

  24. anon Says:

    Milfy Channel
    “He has no talent, yet his rimming technique is wonderful. Boring, illiterate, hairy chimp son.” — Gone to die in Bur-in-Anus

  25. Tom Noir Says:

    Dear Science Fiction: I’ve been waiting a long time, and still no one has given any astronaut suits vacuum-tube-style helmets.

    What gives?!??

  26. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @TW: Is “bubble helmet” a tag nowadays?

    And why do the others have matching top and bottom colors, but Sheila’s got a two-tone blue suit? Problem on spacesuit laundry day?

  27. Bibliomancer Says:

    “Lodestar”? That’s the anonymous New York Times op-ed keyword.
    Michael Flynn? That’s Trump’s disgraced National Security Adviser.
    It’s all starting to fall together and make sense!
    I think Good Show Sir is on to something and sending us hidden political clues!

  28. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—Chinese GSS denies all knowledge of anything.

  29. fred Says:

    I am considering putting a modified version of that San Diego Union Tribune blurb on a T-shirt.

  30. Francis Boyle Says:

    It’s not Chinese GSS that I’m worried about but GSSR. (The Russian version. You haven’t heard of them – they’re that good.) And they’ve got video of Trump “reading” Dick Blade #7.

  31. drlemaster Says:

    @Bibliomancer – I think you are on to something. We should take the name GSSanon and start posting all these clues over at 12chan.

  32. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Just remember all clues need to be posted via W.A.S.T.E.

  33. Tag Wizard Says:

    Connect the dots, sheeple!

  34. Tor Mented Says:

    “Homosexualality” sounds like a show tune.
    ♪ You got your left foot, your right foot
    Together they’re feet.
    But the right and the left can’t seem to agree.
    Homosexual-Al-Ity. ♪

  35. Raoul Says:

    Other titles in the series:
    * Firestar
    * Rogue Star
    * Lodestar
    * Falling Stars
    * All-Star
    * Rock Star
    * Lone Star
    * Porn Star
    * One Star
    * Ringo Star

  36. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Raoul—Anybody who grew up in the Philadelphia area (like I know I did) watching kid’s TV in the 50s and 60s would lobby strenuously for the inclusion of Sally Starr.

  37. Tat Wood Says:

    @Raoul, B.Chiclitz: anyone who was in Britain in the 80s would be glad that you’d not thought of 5 Star.

  38. THX 1139 Says:

    Three delicious flavours! Blueberry, Lemon and Strawberry!

  39. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I just now noticed that Sheila (the sheila in the two-tone blue suit) has a partially opaque bubble helmet. See how it blocks out part of the title?

    It would seem to really reduce her field of vision, but maybe she just can’t stand to look at the other two, particularly if one considers the mouseover text.

    But when exploring outer space, it’s got to be a bad idea to be unable to see anything to your left and some things which are BEHIND YOU. SI way back at #2 may have been onto something.

    (I can neither confirm nor deny GSSR’s involvement in this. Nyet.)
    (But really, as glad as Vlad is to have Cheeto Benito in power, GSSR wouldn’t do anything like @B’master said at #27.)

  40. Hammy Says:


    You know, on closer observation, I don’t think Sheila actually has a two-tone blue spacesuit. It looks to me like she put her “mom jeans” on over her suit, for whatever reason….

    I mean, look at the wide 70s belt and the pocket seams….

  41. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Hammy: They DO look like mom jeans, with that oh-so-70s white vinyl belt with two fasteners.

    OTOH, what you can see of her arm seems to have the darker color of blue on that as well. Is it only the chesticle region that’s lighter colored? Was she going for the Canadian tuxedo but some of it faded in the wash?

    Is Sheila going to appear in a futuristic spacesuit laundry ad? Is the round thing at her waist a detergent pod?

  42. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Did you hear something? I can’t hardly hear through this bubble helmet.
    I said . . .
    Oh never mind. What’s she pointing at?
    I don’t know, her finger is cut off by the cover.

  43. A. R. Yngve Says:

    FYI, this is how REAL spacesuit helmets are designed:

    Note: Real space helmets seem to allow the wearer some leeway to turn the head, probably to compensate for the stiff neck section (?).

    You’ll have to ask astronauts if they occasionally bump their noses into the visor…)

  44. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @ARY: Oh, I get it now. The man has an extra-large MAG on, which goes with his entire yellow theme.

    I think astronauts actually have a nose scratching pad stuck inside their helmets since they can’t reach, which means they have to be able to turn their head a little.

  45. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Belle in a bell jar.

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