Feb 08

I am the queen of blending in... minus this whole fireball thing...Click for full image

Listen to me carefully, I said give me a big bosomed women standing in front of some governmental type building casting a beefy fireball. With extra lens flare! Then place every sentence and word in a different type font. Oh wait… that’s what you’ve done.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.56 out of 10)

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18 Responses to “Skin Deep”

  1. Adam Roberts Says:

    If she would only shave off her Z Z Top beard, she’d be quite fanciable.

  2. CSA Says:

    Personally i think she’s a little tall. Whats that, like 900m tall?

  3. James Lovegrove Says:

    Oh but come on, even at 900m you would, wouldn’t you? Logistically it would be tricky, but you still would.

  4. CSA Says:

    Well i’d definately rise to the challenge. But after a quick feasibility study i conclude that realistically it would require the use of a MegaZord. Somebody phone Japan.

  5. Simon Says:

    The beard does at least allow for decorum to be maintained even though her blouse is mostly unbuttoned. Until it gets windy. Which, 900 ft up, it must often do.

    I’m not sure she’s going to go far in Washington making those sorts of mistakes. Beefy fireballs notwithstanding.

    And while we’re on the subject – a ‘beefy’ fireball? How does that work exactly?

    Still as long as she can keep up appearances she’ll be OK.

  6. little mi Says:

    Urgh! What a terrible tag line thing – ‘She’ll need to keep up appearances-if she wants to stay alive…’ I would suggest she starts by getting a shirt that fits or she’s going to have an embarring incident in her next boardmeeting.

  7. James Lovegrove Says:

    @CSA: Great, now I have visions in my head of a Godzilla-sized sex toy, possibly made up of five smaller, different-coloured sex toys, rampaging through downtown Washington. Thanks a lot.

  8. CSA Says:

    @James Hehe, you don’t want to know what i imagined was happening to the Washington Memorial

    @Mi I get a vibe from the cover that says “what if Ally McBeal had magic powers”, but even with those powers she still needs to dress like a skank to get anywhere in the corporate world.

  9. James Lovegrove Says:

    “What if Ally McBeal had magic powers … which enabled her to give herself a figure that didn’t look like a string bean.”

  10. CSA Says:

    @simon Do you suppose there is a Latin chant to summon the dreaded “beefy fireball”?
    My Latin sadly isnt up to scratch these days, but i’ve gone for “caro ignis inflatus”. Adam can probably help me.

    google can’t define “beefy fireball”, but i suspect there are rules concerning the the ratio of beef to fire, where as somepoint its just a meatball and at the other end of the spectrum its just fire.

  11. SI Says:

    The experts tell me:

    (Beef / Fire) x lens flare = EPIC

    James> That’s just wrong… power rangers is dead to me now… 😛

  12. SI Says:

    Also, I can’t remember but was there a ‘fantasy factual’ section of the shop? Actually… that might have been through the back, through the hanging beads.

  13. Karl Says:

    I can think of two reasons to read this book, unfortunately it’s not the writing and the font selection.

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Hold it! HOLD IT! If it’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s lack of professionalism in Generic Genre Publishing.

    Where is her obligatory “Tribal” tattoo? If you don’t show the “Tribal” tattoo, how are the hordes of Urban Fantasy readers supposed to feel the Pavlovian reflex that makes them buy the book?

  15. Ray P Says:

    A mysterious lady of the night has stolen the light off the Congress dome.

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    To be honest, there is a rule in genre publishing called “Made You Look!” — i.e. certain visual features will always cause the prospective buyer to halt at least for a second, thereby increasing the probability of purchase:

    1. Beautiful female face looking at the viewer (works on both sexes, all types of readers)
    2. Boobs
    3. Guns (attracts 90% of American and Afghan readers)
    4. Furry aliens (attracts a guaranteed 25% share of SF readers, repels everyone else)
    5. Vodka bottles (stops 100% of Russian readers dead in their tracks)

  17. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Is it appropriate to lobby for an “Attitude” tag? We need something not covered by “smug” or “smirk” but which, IMHO, definitely needs calling out. She’s got it. “Swagger,” maybe?

    Hey, it’s old Swaggering Smirky McSmug again!

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The Monument That Cheated On Me and the Branch of Government That Didn’t Care: A Lifetime Original Movie starring Britt Robertson.

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