May 28

Ah May! How I love you with two bank holidays in one month and the final one falling on, my birthday. That’s right exciting stuff! So here to celebrate is a strange random collection of honourable mentions. And they are a random collection I assure you.

These covers break our well kept and hard hitting rules. There are some who even complain they are almost too hard. But these covers are generally excluded because they are part of a franchise or comedy.

Again thanks to everyone who visits the site and those who are submitting covers. Some of them are simply amazing, we’ll get to them eventually. Enjoy these great covers and to those who gain from it, have an amazing extended weekend!

As a bonus check out a vague picture of CSA (known in certain circles as ‘The Troll’)
Trolling through books to help me find covers at Christmas

Everything is in proportion. EVERYTHING!Click for full image

Dealing with the hard topic of zombies before the craze of 2009.Click for full image

Does that princess have the hots for that dragon? ewww.Click for full image

Shatner is comedy, right?Click for full image

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.90 out of 10)

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37 Responses to “Honourable Mentions 5”

  1. SI Says:

    The speed at which CSA throws book after book. Wow..

    Has anyone ever read any tekwars? Is that supposed to be Shatner on the cover?

    I’ve read some resident evil books in my day. Spelling mistakes, is what I can remember.

  2. Sage Tyrtle Says:

    I knew Clare Danes’ career was flailing, but honey – Resident Evil?

  3. Nix Says:

    Ah May! How I love you with two bank holidays in one month and the first one often falling on my birthday. How I hate you because with you comes hay fever, and because in any other country a bank holiday would always fall *exactly* on my birthday rather than sometime vaguely near it.

    And, er, the Dickson novel, while the cover is utterly dire, it’s a fantasy book. Despite the cover it is not a comedy (except unintentionally) and it’s not part of a franchise: Dickson wrote all the books in this series himself.

    (Specifically it is *not* related to the Dragon Knights franchise.)

  4. SI Says:

    Nix> Wow I guess we just assumed it was comedy. Maybe our minds just couldn’t register it as something serious. It’s got to be at least light hearted.

    Besides it’s part of the, KENT, franchise. They’re all out to get us I tell you… get us. *looks around nervously*

  5. Ian Sales Says:

    Camp dragon!

    Just after the scene shown on the cover, the dragon started singing ‘I Am What I Am’.

  6. Remocarpet Says:

    Based on the jacket that the androgynous individual on the cover of that Doctor Who book is wearing I’m guessing it’s supposed to be a portrayal of Ace. I must admit that a skinhead haircut like that is more consistent with her character being a juvenile delinquent punk.

  7. DeadRobot Says:

    Ian> he’s “clutching his pearls”, my word, yes! Ten to one the author wrote him with a lisp.

    SI> Here in the Colonies (Canada) we actually produced a run of Tek War for TV (Shatner producing). If we are to judge a book by it’s cover, then the show was pretty much like the cover: Craptacular. And if that is suppose to be Shatner on the cover then really, are you surprised?

  8. Adam Roberts Says:

    That’s some leak they’ve got there in that Resident Evil cover building. They need an emergency plumber, is my opinion.

  9. e.lee Says:

    @Dead Robot- so Tek War *was* a TV series! thank you for confirming that I did not hallucinate it during the mid-90s

  10. hampshireflyer Says:

    What exactly was rule-breaking about The Dragon and the Fair Maid of Kent? Or was it franchished out as one per county?

  11. Don Hilliard Says:

    @SI & DeadRobot: The Tek books actually weren’t half-bad, as they were ghostwritten by the entertaining Ron Goulart (ostensibly from plots by Shatner, but I suspect the “plots” consisted of single sentences on the inside flaps of the envelopes containing Goulart’s paychecks.)

  12. SI Says:

    hampshireflyer> As I said above we just assumed it would be comedy. I guess it deserves a post all to itself!

    Robot, Don> I did have a couple of them sitting around my house at one stage. Can’t say it was because I actually wanted to read them. Might have to dig them out.

    Adam> That’s no gas leak. Haven’t you heard of a nemesis cloud? It’s kinda like a cumulus one, with a bit more zombie.

  13. Mark V Thomas Says:

    Re: Dead Robot’s comment…
    Bravo in the U.K showed said series (along with Total Recall: 2070) in a graveyard slot (1am, I believe) , & being a insomoniac, I actually watched it at said time…
    Shatner did appear in almost every episode, he did so as the Hero’s (Jake’s ?) boss at the agency….
    As for Remocarpet’s comment regarding Ace, it’s not a Skinhead haircut, it’s a extremely short ponytail…

  14. Leo Lorenzana Says:

    kinda looks like Ace is holding a laser cat.

  15. Brian B Says:

    I read the first Tek novel when I was a teenager and I remember the short lived TV show, the pilot of which in was shown in the US in conjunction with a number of other attempts at new scifi/fantasy TV shows, the most famous and successful of which was the Hercules series.

    In hindsight I suppose I should have figured that out the the novel had been ghost written. I can’t help but be feel a little disappointed now. I liked believing that Shatner really was talented enough to be that competent as a writer.

  16. Saxon Bullock Says:

    Re: the comments above about the Doctor Who one, Ace’s hair isn’t a skinhead cut – it’s actually done in the ‘tied back so tightly it’s a wonder Sophie Aldred’s eyes didn’t pop out’ style that was done a couple of times in the show (mainly in Remembrance of the Daleks, if my memory serves me correctly). And while it’s not spectacular, there are some New Adventures that are much, much worse (I’d refer you to ‘The Pit’ by Neil Penswick ( which features an amazing combination of tartan, a bare-breasted blue woman riding a pterodactyl-like creature, and a misshapen man who’s supposed to be William Blake…

  17. Brian B Says:

    Wow that cover is spectacular! Now we know where James Cameron got the visual design for the aliens in Avatar; she’s even riding a flying reptile! And I’d like to believe that Blake did indeed go on wild intergalactic adventures. It would explain a lot.

  18. A.R.Yngve Says:

    One day, they pushed PETA too far!

    “I say! Look up there, old chap, a dreadful monster is going to eat Big Ben!”

    Maiden: “I don’t care what they say, darling, for a Windsor you don’t look the least bit inbred!”

    Corbin Berntsen is not amused.

  19. Perry Armstrong Says:

    ” … and now you’ve given me, given me
    Nothing but Shatnered dreams, Shatnered dreams…”

  20. anon Says:

    When to woot the craven user, D.D.?
    “What arcade creds, Al?” by Alden Wartcrem

    Enliven II – Devil profits at the groping zone 3
    “Devil’s enemies in rest” by S.Perdry

    “Drag dank feet on hot farm-aid Enith” by Doris N. Rockdong
    On late nights Theveth drank foot gel

    “Kow teep’r” by Li’l Martha Sinew

  21. anon Says:

    …or should that be “on thine hot farm-aid”?

  22. Tat Wood Says:

    Virgin Books would have been rich pickings for this site had their non-spin-off books ever sold.

    Here’s another ripe example, depicting a misguided attempt to teach cricket to the Aztecs

  23. fred Says:

    1 – ‘suspiciously oblivious bystander’ tag seems necessary. ‘Negasonic Teenage…’
    would have made the title too long?

  24. Cygnia Says:

    Of course the proportions are off — Ace would be wielding a much BIGGER gun… 😉

  25. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “Cat’s Cradle: Warhead” seems to be one of those titles upchucked by a meme generator. And GSS, @fred.

    Man, the game is better rendered than that cover.

    “Excuse me? That’s the _sexy_ dragon of Kent, thank you very much!”

    Blue lipstick: another indicator that you’re not just in the future, you’re in the _edgy_ future. I wish we had a clearer look at the guy (lady?) in the upper right: is it a robot? An alien? A cyborg alien? A zombie robot? Is the left part of his head of a different composition than the right, or is it just the colored lighting?

  26. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bruce A Munro—Forget the cheesy blue lipstick, I’m still trying to figure out which one’s Shatner. (I’m assuming this is a biography written by someone named “Tek Power,” since who else could write Wild Bill’s story?).

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @fred (23): You mean the guy over there on the right? That’s the Doctor, but he would be suspiciously obvious if it weren’t for Mel, her laser gun, and… cat? dog? alien quadruped? And the flying wotsit.

    It’s the font problem block at the top that bothers me. Prime 90s stuff.

    @Bruce: Perilously close to our old pal teal and orange is what it is.

  28. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @B. Chiclitz – they’re all Shatner: Shatner has lived many lives on the path to his current state of enlightenment.

  29. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bruce AM— Yeah, and now that you mention it, that blue lipstick captures his trans phase rather well.

  30. Leak Says:

    For what it’s worth – belated happy 88th birthday to William Shatner from where I’m posting… 🙂

  31. Tat Wood Says:

    @GSS ex-Noob: Mel? She’s dressed as Ace but looks like Clara. However, Ace wouldn’t faff about with a zap-gun, she’s get busy with a baseball bat or, more likely (given that this is a Cartmel story) use a Brixton briefcase to play dope jams by the Wee Papa Girl Rappers or Betty Boo, thereby uniting The Kids against the squares and overthrowing EvilCorps PLC and their sinister alien leader Thetchar. (See what he did there?)

  32. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    I feel a bit silly not realising the Tek novels were ghost written but it isn’t exactly a shock and, um well, hasn’t changed my image of Bill too much. Still, in the spirit of partly restoring his shatnered reputation and easing Brian B’s pain, It’s fairly certain he did actually speak on all those albums he released.

  33. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    Erm, easing Brian B’s nine year old pain, I really should read the dates on comments.

  34. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: Of course I meant Ace (got lost in a Wiki dive and came back with the wrong companion of 7).

    But you’re right, she’s a blunt instrument and high explosive kind of gal. No laser, she’d be all “Can I blow it up now, Professor?” And if she did happen to be firing a zap gun, she’d aim it at something what needed zapped, not just in any old direction. Especially with the flying plod right there.

    Your massive British 80s references left me gobsmacked.

    Dunno where the quadruped comes in, though. Perhaps it’s the futuristic Brixton Briefcase?

  35. THX 1139 Says:

    Cat’s Cradle: Pawhead

    Redundant Evil: Nemesis

    Dragon Goes Hair Mad in Kent

    Turtle Power (both by famed rappers)

  36. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Of COURSE! Ace IS the cat’s cradle! And maybe she’s got a warhead.

    I swear I had the outfit in #3 at about age 9-10. Definitely the hat, though more polyester, and my mom donated some costume jewelry to bling it out (It was for our medieval history unit at school).

  37. THX 1139 Says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t there an ever-so-slightly more famous SF book already called Cat’s Cradle?

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