Sep 28

DUDE! Your crotch is glowing like some greek god! Can you get a cream for that?Click for full image

New hi-def image

Stevie Comments: Jack Chalker’s Wonderland Gambit Book 2 is wild. That hot demonic guy with a massive glowing genital lesion doing who knows what to those dudes with the plumbing coming out of their heads. Who comes up with this stuff!
Published 1996

Many thanks to Stevie!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.95 out of 10)

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23 Responses to “The March Hare Network”

  1. SI Says:

    Is it just me or is anyone else a bit surprised this is published in 1996? It looks older than that.

    Author of the Cybernetic Walrus!? Besides having an amazing image in my head of a walrus carrying a laser cannon, it’s not like it’s his great masterwork, is it? it’s just the first book in the trilogy.

  2. A.R.Yngve Says:


  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Strewth, the bat wings are anatomically correct! And yet, the torso is too long for them. It looks like the bright light at the end of the tunnel is coming from his thighs, rather than his manly bits.

  4. Dave Van Domelen Says:

    SI: the Rocket Raccoon comic from the 1980s featured a walrus with swappable cybernetic tusks, including a pair of blasters (which he referred to as “martial molars”).

  5. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Cybernetic tusks? Sounds like one of those Ninja Turtles wannabes that swamped the comics market in the 80s.

  6. futurescientist Says:

    Perfect example of bad typography killing what could have been an awesome, if schlocky, cover.

    I mean, it looks like Word 97’s WordArt feature.

  7. Nix Says:

    I think everyone will agree that it looks exactly like the cover for a Chalker novel, except that all the people being horribly deformed are male, not female.

  8. Quinn Says:

    Hey, this is one I actually own. It’s really much better than the cover makes it look. The cover of the third book, The Hot-Wired Dodo, is about as silly. It features what looks like Fabio with angel-wings parting the seas:

    I distinctly remember trying to convince my friends that it wasn’t a romance novel I was reading.

  9. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “It was horrible, man! We were in the gym, doing some steroids… ol’ Joe shoots up one drop too many… and BANG! his genitals implode!”

  10. THX 1139 Says:

    Do you know, I think they’ve summed up the internet fairly accurately there. Not the Dark Net, either.

  11. fred Says:

    A CGI youngified Steve Railsback comes back in ‘Lifeforce 2’?

  12. Francis Boyle Says:

    Enough fetishes here for a whole family of porn sites.

  13. Tor Mented Says:

    Yeah, “come toward the light” my ass.

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Oh yeah? Well, fancy-pants portentous blurb writer, in a world of warped trust, reality could be nothing. So there!

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Baldy bald men!

    Do we have a “weird ribs” tag? “weird torso”?

    @fred: I too was thinking vampire. The bat wings, the red blobs, the handy victims.

    Erm…It’s better than the “Dancing Gods” covers?

  16. JuanPaul Says:

    His right pec is bigger than his left. It must be hell trying to fly straight.

  17. Bibliomancer Says:

    His thing’s got a Ting!

  18. JuanPaul Says:

    @biblio That’s the glare off his Prince Albert 😬

  19. Bruce A Munro Says:

    So those pipes going into their heads would be those internet tubes we’ve heard of?

  20. Bibliomancer Says:

    @JuanPaul – I thought his Prince Albert was in his can?

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @B’mancer: why not both? It’s not like this cover could get any more weird and excessive. Butt Ting! Thing Ting! Everywhere a Ting! Ting!

    @Bruce: Wonder if that guy read this book? (Or, more likely, saw his grandkid reading it and took it away)

  22. Hammy Says:

    @GSSxn (prev.):

    Ting! Thong?

    “Ting! Thong?” “Who’s there?”

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    “March Hare!”

    “March Hare who?”

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