May 03

Well that was one messed up orgy, I'm off to cut some wood!Click for full image

E Comments: The giant soda can in the background is the clincher.
Published 1989

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.16 out of 10)

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39 Responses to “Jason Cosmo”

  1. Phil Says:

    In slaying the beardy blue giant, Jason accidentally stabs a huge butterfly, skewering it to the side of a giant reptile. With a checkerboard pattern. On. His. Underside? WTF?

    Meanwhile, the cheery wizard pretends to dance with castinets, two lovely ladies pose for the artist, and everything, but EVERYTHING turns out to be smaller than a can of fizzy pop.

    This cover has everything.

    Wait a minute. No, this just won’t do. The artist forgot to add a TING! to that sword!

  2. SI Says:

    No Ting! A shame really, it’s almost perfect!

    For some reason I can’t stop staring at the blue giants nipple.

  3. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Ape Na’vi shall not kill Ape Na’vi. For it is Ape Law!”

  4. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Bin Laden was taken by surprise during one of his costume parties…”

  5. THX 1138 Says:

    “And that, my friends, is how you deal with The Blue Man Group.”

  6. Adam Roberts Says:

    I have to agree with the cover-blurb writer that of all the words in the English language the one to best capture this scene is; ‘rollocking’. It is rollocking. It rollocks to a quite extraordinary degree.

  7. Evad Says:

    One grand visual non sequitur.

  8. Jon Says:

    On this episode of Ax Men…

  9. fred Says:

    The straw in the giant soda can in the background is the clincher.

  10. Tom Noir Says:

    Apparently all this carnage happened while our hero was trying to kill a butterfly.

  11. Zycrow Says:

    Yes. The West wins over all of those other weird cultures again.

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The ax guy is just faking. Obviously the monsters drank a can of Dr. Pepper.

  13. Leon Says:

    I actually read this book, it was a parody of the pulp fantasy genre and was pretty funny (to my twenty-ish self). The only thing I remember from it was a part where the hero had to face a fearsome test to prove himself and ended up at a desk with a multiple-choice quiz and a #2 pencil.

  14. Dalton H. Says:

    Or Paul Bunyan Slays, Err.. Everything! With Magic! Product Placement! And Girls, Girls, Girls!

  15. Dear Prudynce Says:

    “Avatar” meets “Dragon Tales”

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Can a humble janitor, mistaken for the safety inspector, save the high school from a fatal collapse of the gym roof?

  17. Amy Says:

    I actually thought that was Max Rebo at first. And I thought “awesome.”

  18. Dan McGirt Says:

    As the author of this dubious novel, it was all I could do to get through your comments … from laughing so hard! I think I sprained a neck muscle, actually. Loved Phil’s summation!

    Pretty much every character depicted here IS in the book, though this scene isn’t. (And you’ve all completely overlooked the giant red toad the wizard is standing on. In fairness, I never noticed that myself until 2008.) I have to say, when my publisher first sent me a proof of this cover way back when, I was a bit nonplussed by the “still life with corpses” approach (and the fact that the giant blue guy isn’t blue in the book. Perhaps rigor mortis setting in?) but it has grown on me. In fact, I hired Mr. Hescox to paint a cover for my revised version of this book, Hero Wanted, and a forthcoming sequel, Noble Cause. Whether those covers will make it to your gallery of scorn remains to be seen. Thanks for making me laugh my head off! -dm

  19. SI Says:

    Welcome aboard Dan!

    Good to see you’ve picked up on the good natured humour side of the site!

    We did miss the Toad! That thing has teeth too! Congratulations on having cover that basically has all of the Good Show Sir requirements! 😀

  20. arch9enius Says:

    Pity they’re not catgirls… They’d be dead spits for the Puma Twins

  21. Anna T. Says:

    Excellent. Now all that’s needed is a giant hamburger.

  22. A.R.Yngve Says:

    I’m gonna change my name to Jason Cosmo. Now that’s a name that invites RESPECT!

    “I’ll look into your customer complaint, sir… what’s your name?”
    “Jason… Cosmo.”
    “BWA HA HA HA… Say what?”
    “Jason Cosmo!”
    “HA HAA… seriously?”
    “Yes. With a ‘C’.”
    “BWA HA HA HAAAA…!!”

  23. Tat Wood Says:

    In an attempt to cross over with the audience the Sad Puppies deride as ‘Social Justice Warriors’, they teamed him up with officer Virgil Dibbs and they went undercover on a market stall in East London. Apparently, after this Cosmo went to live in Ambridge and had two kids, Pip and Josh.

  24. anon Says:

    Jason Cosmo, the drunken wizard

  25. JuanPaul Says:

    I need to look up the definition of “rollicking” because what I’m getting from this cover is “murderous” and “rampaging”.

  26. RachelJ Says:

    Tag Wizard! Where’s the “corpse mountain” tag?

  27. DaveM Says:

    To the illustrious Tag Wizard:
    Shouldn’t there be an “Author in the comments” tag applied here (that is a tag isn’t it)?

  28. Tag Wizard Says:

    @RachelJ @DaveM – This was so long ago … I was but a rookie tagger …

  29. Bibliomancer Says:

    Heeeeeeeeressss … Jason!

  30. fred Says:

    Wassup with the chin on the blonde on the left?

  31. Francis Boyle Says:

    Between this and yesterday’s cover I’m completely confused as to whether I should be rollicking or frolicking. Is one more difficult than the other? Are there ethical considerations? What about health risks/benefits? Someone should write an online guide to help me with this difficult choice.

  32. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Francis: and what if I start bollocking your rollicking AND your frolicking?

  33. JuanPaul Says:

    @fred I don’t know, but it just made me notice that there is something lurking in the trees behind her!

  34. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @fred—I think she has a soul patch. I also think the two of them are smirkily speculating on the contents of that gigantic loincloth a few feet away.

  35. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @DSWBigT—careful, someone might then feel a need to cold cock your bollock.

  36. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Looks like the artist emptied out his toy box and his sister’s, piled everything up, drank some highly caffeinated soda, and produced… this.

    It’d explain the position Jason’s standing in — he’s an action figure, so his hip joints don’t work like humans’ do. The purple and checkerboard lizard and the Na’vi are a different scale, so they went on the bottom, the Barbies (although one might be a Ken?) over on the side, bit of foliage from the model train set.

    @Francis: Frolicking seems to require fewer participants, no weapons and leads to much less death. I’d recommend that. Likely safer for the bollocks.

  37. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    If we’re all gathered…if, if I could have everyone’s attention for a moment…

    I know that Bob the Big Blue Abomination wanted us to remember his life, not mourn his passing, and that this supposed to be an uplifting occasion. Others will speak to his leadership and business acumen, his sense of humour in the face of adversity, his countless hours volunteering everywhere from the local soup kitchen to the acquisitions committee for the British Library, and his successful campaign for world peace. But I’ve just been informed…as executor of his will, I had to make sure…well, goodness, it’s like this: in addition to providing generously for his wife and seven developmentally-challenged stepchildren, Bob has…deep breath…Bob has bequeathed a special greatest needs endowment for Save the Children, to the amount…of…three-quarters… of a million pounds. I’m sorry, I can’t go on.

  38. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Ooh, a comic strip reference to one of our regulars:

  39. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @DSWBT: How much did the purple/orange/white thing leave to his offspring and charity, then? Or the little chap in the red armor?

    I still expect Mr. Cosmo’s foot or feet to go sliding apart and dump him on his posterior atop the pile, maybe toppling the wizaaard over. Or the sliding apart carries on till he’s doing the splits and smacks the aforementioned bollocks on top of the partial skull, which has some sharp edges even on the non-toothed parts. He won’t be so cocky then.

    @Tag Wizard: those are definitely booties he’s wearing.

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