Aug 06

And I raise your stereotype with my light beam!Click for full image

Two words for you…. pirates vs kinky police officers. Well you know what I mean! Have the officers in long knee highs and holding a large batons. Have a large magic beam hitting a stereotypical pirate in the chest and him grimacing in pain. It’s almost too perfect.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.47 out of 10)

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25 Responses to “Natural Ordermage”

  1. SI Says:

    Can you see the ninjas? Can you?

  2. Tom Noir Says:

    This has to be the most awkward book title ever.

  3. CSA Says:

    The author’s name is fairly unpronounceable at first glance. Unsure of which syllables need the emphasis.

    I read most of the Recluse saga books a number of years ago in my early teens, and picked up one or two of the later ones as they were released. And i will admit i loved them. I knew at the time they were extremely formulaic and the main characters in each book had identical personalities, and i even remember spoting a fair number of typos, but for whatever reason i enjoyed the very casual writing style. I don’t think i would enjoy a re-read, but they hold a special place in my heart because “The Magic of Recluce” was the first fantasy book i purchased with my own money after i borrowed Lord of the Rings off my brother.

    However, the covers on the books are some of the worst i’ve ever read in public, i’m not even sure i appreciated their badness at the time. If i bought this again, i wouldnt make eye contact with the shot assistant and it would be straight into a brown paper bag

    btw, I spy Adam Roberts’ “Swiftly”.

  4. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    It’s magic-using Nazis *and* brightly-colored pirates, all awkwardy posed in some of the least convincing sepia brown architecture this side of one of those miniature ceramic Christmas cottages.

  5. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The characters on the cover look very much like miniatures, the sort used in RPGs…

    Which is of course the selling point — the target audience is more familiar with painted RPG miniatures than real people.

  6. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


  7. Jaouad Says:

    What is that they’re standing on? Rice wafers?

  8. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    Everybody limbo!

  9. Tom Noir Says:

    I always read the title as ‘Natural Odor-mage’. I guess that’s a mage that doesn’t wear scented deodorants…

  10. Anna T. Says:

    Bad anatomy strikes again. And given that this is a fantasy setting, where’d that man get his raygun?

  11. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Confess, English schweinhund! Ve haff spells of making you talk!”

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Is this magic land in HO scale or 1:72?

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It’s a safe bet that the author won the Creative Spelling award in Lower School.

  14. Cornelius Says:

    Kinky Nazis have the longest lightsabres

  15. THX 1139 Says:

    Hey, Dandini! Wait, you can’t all be Dandini…

  16. fred Says:

    My brain can’t stop itself in trying to convince me that this is really a ‘Wheel of Time’ book.

  17. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Magical Nazis and Howard Pyle style pirates together? Can ninjas and gorillas with jetpacks be far behind?

    (And I see SI was there way before me. Sneaky, like a Ninja, with his clever “comment nine years ago” strategy)

    “Hey, Hans. Why do you get a magic zap-ring to fight pirates and I don’t?”

    “I’m afraid your Schwartz is much too small to use it, Bertold.”

    To follow up on jaouad at #7, those are clearly rice crispies treats. (The magic ring probably came in the box).

  18. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘Zap me all ye want, Fritz-me-lad,yer laser-pointer has no effect on the likes of Cap’n Disco. Now, ’tis the chin fer thee.. Chin chin chinny-chin-chin. And let that be a lesson to ee”.

    ‘Dumkopf! Ve haff vays of making you socially-distance’.

  19. Bibliomancer Says:

    Pirates, and Nazis, and Cops. Oh my!

  20. Queen Khentkawes Says:

    After Thomas Kinkade used a Winnie-the-Pooh statue as a pissoir, he had to hire brownshirts to protect his home from angry Disney pirates.

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’ve looked at “Natural Ordermage” several times and it still looks only partially and badly translated from German. And that was before I looked at the uniforms, even.

    @Queen K: and he probably would. But they kept hiring him anyway.

    Random thought of the day: while doing a web search for the Kinkade-pees-on-Pooh (heh) story, I came across the question “How do I clean a Thomas Kinkade painting?’ My instantaneous thought: Turpentine. Maybe acetone? Fire?

    Also, for some reason he repeatedly yelled “Codpiece!” at a Siegfried and Roy show. One wonders about him looking at S&R’s naughty bits instead of the tigers.

  22. Tat Wood Says:

    Auditions for the coveted sixth member slot when Village People started got a bit fractious.

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Two pirates, a cop, and a Nazi with a laser walk into a book cover.

    @Tat: indeed.

  24. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @GSS ex-noob: Tor, alas, didn’t get the joke.

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Bruce: and thus they were the joke. As proved by this posting.

    Apparently all the early Tor artists later moved to you-know-where en masse. Tor eventually got competent artists and layout people, unlike… publisher who musl not be named.

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