May 18

Man I must have been so wasted last night, hold on, why I am seeing the future. OH CRAP!Click for full image

Art Direction: Look I’m so sci-fi medical expertician but, the inevitable side effect of putting crystals in your eyes has got to be a large head, baldness and a lack of lips. Maybe the loss of chest hair too.
Published 1975

Thanks to Whitney for sending this in!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.21 out of 10)

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24 Responses to “A Funeral for the Eyes of Fire”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Winner of the 1975 Intergalactic Staring Competition there, ladies and gentlemen.

  2. A.R.Yngve Says:


  3. A.R.Yngve Says:

    What happens if you wear those 3-D glasses for too long.

  4. SI Says:

    i used to do that as a kid with things to gain… bug vision!

  5. fred Says:

    That’s one impressively symmetrical receding hairline.

  6. Tom Noir Says:

    NOT IMPRESSED by the new BP mascot.

  7. Adam Roberts Says:

    Sagging, tired eyes? Try our new, patented EYE BRA! Designed by Lady Gaga.

  8. Phil Says:

    Professor Farnsworth, is that you?

    Or perhaps percussionist Ray Cooper.

    I like the matter of fact blurb at the top which explains much more than the title or cover art ever could.

  9. benny Says:

    My eyes look like that after a few disco biscuits.

  10. NGpm Says:

    All bow down to the power of the hypno-toad err … hypno-leering-geezer.

  11. Infoqueen Says:

    Quick, have the funeral for the eyes, so they’ll STOP LOOKING AT ME!!

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    You are getting sleeepyyy…

  13. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    It looks like the fellow is:
    a) getting up from a tanning booth.
    b) waking up and noticing that someone painted a mural around him.
    c) trying to step away from the book itself!

  14. arch9enius Says:

    Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man. only with marbles in his eyes as an attempt at “huu-mour” Arp! Arp!

  15. Dalton H. Says:

    What’s with terrible sci-fi and odd colored guys with large heads? I’m talking to you Green Lantern!

  16. arch9enius Says:

    Big head = Big brain. Ideally. But if anyone can think of notable exceptions, write in.

  17. Tom Noir Says:

    Is it just me or is he wearing a yarmulke?

    He’s probably saying “Fire eyes, schmire eyes!”

  18. RachelJ Says:

    @Phil. Yes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if “their eyes were crystals that could see into the future” is just a wild guess. Or, alternatively, the story’s super-secret final plot twist.

  19. rev Says:

    Their eyes were cocktail onions that made them cry for the foreseeable future.

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Um, my name is Dead Stuff With Big Teeth…I’m a friend of theirs…was, was a friend of there’s…we’d known each other since 2011…Eyes of Fire were a friend you could depend on. They were always willing to watch your back. They would always see the bad and the good in everything. I mean, they would bore into your soul without a shred of mercy and judge you in a smug, necrotic way, right, but you could depend on that. All day, every day.

    Anyway, before they died, Eyes of Fire asked my mate Eduardo to play a tune we could all remember them by. Thank you, Eduardo, I’ll just get offstage…

  21. anon Says:

    “Hey man, you want some? It’ll make your eyes so weird that your head will, like, detach from reality and stuff.”

  22. L.B. Says:

    As far as I know, Eyes of Fire is alive and well.

  23. Anna T. Says:

    Two words: Uncanny. Valley.

    I don’t think any more is necessary.

  24. GSS noob Says:

    It’s a young Professor Farnsworth standing in an open-pit copper mine.

    “Good news, everyone! The toxic chemicals mean I’ll never have to wax my chest again!”

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