May 28

And that's how I lost my bike. So please... can I have a lift home?Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: When bikers talk to each other they usually never take off their helmets right? Well have one on there twiddling his thumbs like he’s trying to borrow 20p to buy some sweets at the school tuck-shop!
Published 1983 (maybe)

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.31 out of 10)

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25 Responses to “Futuretrack 5”

  1. RJ Says:

    The artist, with the chap in green, has convincingly captured the fear all bikers feel when The Mystic Bike Shagger appears and starts to undo his belt.

  2. Adam Roberts Says:

    The future’s crap … the future’s orange.

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    “Geez, I’m trying to have a slash in peace here!”

  4. Smith Says:

    Babylon 5 called. They want their logo back.

  5. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    @Smith: Funny!

    I suppose it’s possible glove-twiddler will remove the helmet to reveal — gasp — an attractive young woman with perfectly brushed hair.

  6. SI Says:

    Biker 1: Hey guys, want to see something that goes faster than your bike *ziiiiiiip*
    Bikker 2: God no! I’m outta here!

  7. Phil Says:

    TOP GEAR’s The Stig meets BABYLON FIVE’s 5 meets… Mickey Mouse’s trousers?

  8. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    “Hey, maybe they always wear helmets because they they are space bikers, in space, or some– Oh, wait, that’s a tire.”

    This makes the “The Lies That Bind” cover look like the “I Sing the Body electric” cover.
    Dangit, it’s a sci-fi book, the cover needs to be awesome! Or at least deranged and unintentionally amusing!

  9. Herm Says:

    Why have The Stig’s shoulders grown up and swallowed his neck?… And why are those people sitting on the Pilot from Farscape?

  10. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Lusty bikers – trapped in a world of yellow smog!”

  11. ash966 Says:

    “Sorry, I only have room for one member of Daft Punk on my motorcycle.”

  12. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    White helmet: Luke, I am your father!

    Green Helmet: No you’re not, the guy behind me is!

    Red Helmet: Luke, I have something to tell you…

  13. Stevie T Says:

    “Some say…He once posed for the cover art on Futuretrack 5…We simply know him as…Well, OK, not The Stig, but some guy who really, really wanted to be him.”

    Budget cuts really hit Top Gear hard this year….

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Futuretrack 5” sounds just like those crappy pop-music compilation tapes they churned out in the 80s…

  15. anon Says:

    Biker: I’m not going to give a ride to someone wearing a stormtrooper helmet. You need a proper crash helmet. Besides, I only have room for two.

  16. anon Says:

    “You boys looking for a good time? I have what you want right here.”

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’m glad the “yellow” tag is here, because… wow. UAI must have gotten a good deal on yellow paint that week.

    Standing guy looks like he’s about to add some more yellow.

    I don’t think that’s an explosion, I think that’s the sun barely shining through the extremely yellow atmosphere. Probably smog from all the motorcycles.

  18. fred Says:

    Explosion…..another poor urinal cake meets it’s maker.

  19. Tat Wood Says:

    @Herm (assuming you’re still out there): Pilot realised that he had a bigger destiny than roadie-ing for Daft Punk and Moya was cooler than a Yamaha FSE1.

  20. Bruce A Munro Says:

    So…is this a book about the fifth Futuretrack [1], or the fifth book in the exciting “Futuretrack” series? Or was it written by Robert Westall’s fourth clone?)

    I suppose the charitable interpretation is that the guy just _finished_ his pitstop and is about to get back on the bike. (Three on a bike, you say in an interrogative tone? In The Future, all bikes will hold at least three passengers and a cooler full of Space Snacks!)

    [1] “The fourth Futuretrack caught on fire, blew up, and sank into the swamp. But this one has stayed above water level!”

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    “Excuse me, White Cliffs of Dover?”

  22. A. R. Yngve Says:

    “Excuse me while I relieve myself.”

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @fred: No wonder the cake blew up; it was completely overloaded.

    @Bruce: GSS, especially the footnote. I think it’s your first question, and for once, the American cover is better than either of the British ones.

    I give you the most shocking fact of all: it’s a YA book.

  24. Hammy Says:


    “But I don’t waaaaant all that….”

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    He just wants to siiiiing!

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