Jul 12

We may look cheesy... but at least we don't have a theme song by Adele...Click for full image

Dead Stuff with Big Teeth’s Art Direction: Gentlemen…perhaps what this cover needs is both a man, and a horse! Yes! And another man with a mullet, showing he doesn’t know how to ride a horse. And… a girl wearing nothing but body paint, standing at the top of a staircase! Because, gentlemen: nobody would otherwise pay money for something a woman has written!
(the senior partners, followed by everyone else in the room, erupt in a perfect storm of applause. The junior copyrighter wipes a tear from his eye)
Published 2003

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.37 out of 10)

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30 Responses to “Skyfall”

  1. Phil Says:

    Click for full image, you say? Nothing happens. Perhaps like the plot of this book…

  2. Phil Says:

    When will typesetters ever learn: people’s first and last names are rarely the same length. Stop trying to squish and stretch each part of the name to be the same length as the other part; it just won’t work.

    Let’s see:




    See? It NEVER works.

  3. The Tag Wizard Says:

    Admin was (appropriately) distracted by the Steam game sale. Clicky now installed. Click click!

  4. RachelJ Says:

    I don’t think the blue thing’s a horse- it seems to have horns growing out of its forehead.

  5. Phil Says:

    Whoa there, two-horned blue horsey! What do you call that, a bicorn?

  6. THX 1138 Says:

    Apple crumble not pictured. But I think I spotted dick.

  7. Tom Hering Says:

    Is that the pommel of the saddle or the codpiece of the leather pants? “Once you see it” indeed!

  8. Bibliomancer Says:

    I’m surprised Skoal chewing tobacco people didn’t sue. This author’s use of the phrase “Skolian Empire” is quite demeaning to their fine product.

  9. FeàröfMusic Says:

    Hmmmm. How very, shall I say, March 1985. But quite generic and unimpressive, I must admit. At least everyone within 25 meters will know you are reading the latest Catherine Asaro Skyfall book. Rather cool name if I do say so. Not as trendy as Skywalker, but hey.

  10. Lulu Says:

    I know its probably just like a cape or a coat or something, but there’s something disturbing about whatever it is she’s got clutched in her fists. It’s like she’s warping the fabric of space and pulling the insides of that barely rendered building outside with her.

  11. Michael Toland Says:

    If this artist’s anatomy teacher ever finds out about this work, I imagine a savage beating will follow.

  12. Corey Says:

    Pssh, clearly that is Britney.

  13. Tom Noir Says:

    Pencils? That’s a brave* choice for a cover.

    * Where ‘brave’ is a nice way of saying “Seriously? You thought that was a good idea??”

  14. fred Says:

    That’s some outie belly button there.

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Why is the man on the left so angry looking?

    “Seriously? You come to take my daughter out on a date riding that Bicorn? Where’s she supposed to sit? On your ludicrously suggestive saddle pommel? Nice try, Mullet-Boy, now take off until you get some decent wheels.”

  16. Rags Says:

    Nothing about this cover is right, everything seems so off and makes no sense.

    Is that a spaceship or a home? Britney Spears wearing the red jumpsuit from “Oops i did it again”, the Bicorn, a young Fabio on the horse, Lando Calrissian guard??

    None of the characters have any depth, they look 2D. The ASARO font is hideous to behold. Look at the last two L’s on SKYFALL, what the heck is that?? Are they melting??

  17. Sandikal Says:

    You could do a whole website of bad Catherine Asaro covers. All the ones I’ve seen are absolutely awful.

  18. BMunro Says:

    Most of the time he stayed on bicornback, so people would not notice his gnomishly short legs.

  19. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    Double unicorn, Oh my God, double unicorn
    It’s a double unicorn all the way, dam
    It’s a double unicorn all the way, dam, oh my god
    What does this mean, it’s so bright, it’s so vivid
    Double unicorn, Double unicorn it’s so intense
    What does this mean?

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Jerk: Come with me. You’re done. You’ve used up all the Internet today. No more. No more for anyone. I’ll turn out the light. Let’s go home.

  21. Tat Wood Says:

    Full marks to mullet-boy* for getting a horse to climb stairs sideways.

    (*Err… are we sure he’s a boy?)

  22. lk Says:

    that’s not body paint, it’s a space suit! If you loook real close (pervy vision tm) you can see wrinkles where body paint wouldn’t have wrinkles.

    So, that only leaves 495 problems with the cover… Anybody read this sucker?

  23. A.R.Yngve Says:

    This seems like a Luis Royo cover. And boy, has he let himself go.

  24. Perry Armstrong Says:

    The Fantasy Reimagining of Skyfall

    Starring Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, and DAYMN Judi Dench

  25. B. Chiclitz Says:


  26. anon Says:

    Ok, the woman is Britney Spears.
    Which of the men is James Bond?

    @Corey, @Perry Armstrong: I see shallow minds react alike.

  27. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @anon: I guess it’d have to be the guy on the horse, if only because nominating the other guy to play James Bond would cause the Internet to loose its collective s**t!

  28. Tor Mented Says:

    I accidentally read this as the “Saga of the Scrotium Empire” and have absolutely no excuse for that.

  29. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tor: I think the saddle pommel is your excuse.

    Horse guy is Bond, other guy is Felix Leiter, girl is flavor of the month in Britney’s old outfit. The bicorn is actually an automaton made by Q.

  30. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Hilarity aside, a “Fantasy secret agent” movie/series is actually a good idea.

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