Sep 26

Now THIS is a Rogers and Hammerstein I can really appreciate! Click for full UNLEWISED image

Tom Noir Comments: The subset of Sir Walter Scott fans who also like Rollerball is probably about the size of that Roman soldier’s thong.
Published 1996

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.39 out of 10)

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27 Responses to “A History Maker”

  1. GSS Admin Says:

    It should be noted. The author is also the artist! Good Show… good show…

  2. Tat Wood Says:

    And he’s going to put out books like this until Scotland is given independence. Should we give in to such terrorism?

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tat: Fight and you may die. Run, and you’ll live… at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin’ to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR SLEIGH WITH THE IPAD IN FRONT!

  4. Kripslod Says:

    The Horton Flats Weekly Republican calls the North Country Players production of Puck of Pook’s Hill a wonder to eyes, ears, nose, and throat. It was noted with special interest the amazing talents of Laurence Glouvercoure as Sir Richard, Stanley Cowtoughrd as Parnesius, and Claude Farnsbuton as the Buddha.

  5. Tom Noir Says:

    Honestly I would describe this book more as ‘James Joyce meets The Fast and The Furious’… or perhaps ‘Dostoevsky meets Biodome starring Pauly Shore’.

  6. Tom Hering Says:

    Gray-haired man to gauze-draped girl: “I must have your shoulder blades!”

    Butterfly-tattooed girl to gray-haired man: “Look at mine!”

    Sled-driver to gray-haired man: “No! Look at mine!”

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    That dude on the right is about to “make history” with a three-way on that space lily-pad … while the gay boat on the left looks on.

  8. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Tag-Wiz, hey—I know your most noble self is continually inundated with requests, exhortations, snivelling pleas, bribes, even veiled threats, for certain tags to cross the threshold from thought to meme; this is not one of them, but, really, if ever there was an argument for a “weird delts” tag (to parallel the “weird pecs”), that kneeling guy on the iPad boat is it!

  9. Tag Wizard Says:


    We also have “turtle people” available..

  10. THX 1138 Says:

    New game: Bath Towel or Kilt?

  11. FeãrofMuşic Says:

    Look, someone must be a bleeding genius. This can’t just be random. It occurs far too frequently. It must be intelligent design. Once again, there is nothing about this cover which would ever lead me to pick it up, let alone buy it. Nothing. Absolute vacuum of interest.

    How do they DO that?

  12. fred Says:

    Is that a depiction of one giant imaginary constellation or merely a piecing together of multiple constellations?

  13. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @fred: It’s a connect-the-dots puzzle. If you connect the stars in the proper order with a thick chartreuse line, it reads, ‘Slip out of that cumbersome armour and into something comfortable!’ Don’t believe me? The proof is right there.

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—I dunno about that “three-way” thing. It might be just wishful thinking for stone-face man, given the way gossamer-clad babe is leering down at naked tattooed (unless that’s just a space butterfly floating by) androgyne, who is in turn coyly peeking back at her. I think they’re into they’re own téton-a-téton and stone-face man is merely an—appendage, as it were.

    BTW, check out the way gossamer-lady’s legs just disappear at stone-face’s ankles.

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Sir Walter Scott meets Rollerball in…

  16. Simon Says:

    Lanark is beyond awesome though. And the cover (artist also author) is something else too. Anyway, where were we?

  17. Tag Wizard Says:

    Thought this one was ok actually. Some good influences.

    Then I saw what was going on with butterfly girl.

  18. Jaouad Says:

    Stone-face man to gossamer girl: “No! Do not look to your right! Avert your gaze! The sight of that… erm… thong… loincloth… map of Tasmania… whatever… is too terrible to behold.”

  19. Tom Noir Says:

    Apropos of nothing, every time I look at the woman in the gauze’s right hand I think it’s a some sort of errant space fish.

    Is that just me?

  20. Stevie T Says:

    Wow, is there anything missing from this cover? Let’s see, we have a sled with a sidecar, driven by Happy, the Lo-Fat Buddha (who looks to be quite involved with a round of Angry Birds), and its traveling through SPACE. Then we have the standard, with its flag flapping in what should be a non-existant wind, being held in such a manner that one immediately thinks “poleboat” (so maybe Happy isn’t driving the sled). Then, there’s Lurch, vacationing from the Addams Family, who seems to have encouraged Lucy Liu (whose hand does indeed appear to have morphed into a fish) and Jamie Lee Curtis (with her hair dyed blonde) to join him for some “fun” in the sidecar. Then we have the none-too-descriptive title to make you go “huh?” Yet somehow all of this busy-ness totally fails to keep your eyes from going directly to “I AM SPARTA”s itty-bitty, little-tiny, awfully disturbing, very blue, “protective gear”.

  21. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @GSS Admin: The fact that the author is also the illustrator counts against this cover, to me. That, and my own tendency to regard ‘Neo-Primitivist’ as ‘Primitive’.

    ‘Mr. Gray? How do you do, sir. I’m from Harvest Books. How are you today, then?’

    ‘Grrr…augh…grAAAH…’ *thump thump thump*

    ‘Yes, well, sir, it’s about the book. I have some good news.’


    ‘Erm, Mr. Gray…we’ve received word from a representative of Gerhard Richter, and…’

    ‘MAH PAINTIN! MAH PAINTIN!’ *thump thump thump thump*

    ‘Mr. Gray, Mr. Richter adores your Lanark, and would be truly honored if…’

    ‘grrrRRRAH! ITZ MAHN! AH PAINTAD IT!’ *thump thump thump* ‘MAH PAINTIN! MAH PAINTIN!’ *thump thump thump*

    ‘Mr. Gray! Please! Mr…oh, God, is that going to stain?’

    ‘MAAAH PAINTINNNNN!’ *thump bang thump thump crash* ‘ITZ MAHN!’ *crash bang thump thump thump*

  22. drlemaster Says:

    I am in that tiny-thong-sized group that adores both Sir Walter Scott and Rollerball, and yet this cover does nothing for me. Now if it had Ivanhoe battling James Caan, or John Houseman dressed like a Templar, my interest might be peaked.

  23. Anna T. Says:

    They all look like they’re on their way to an orgy, the way they’re all (not) dressed. And with that in mind, why did Mr. Gray think that drawing THAT as a cover would make anyone want to buy this book?

  24. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @Dead Stuff: two years late, but Good Show Sir!

    ‘MAAAH PAINTINNNNN’ had me crying with laughter 🙂

  25. Tom Noir Says:

    “Charles Dickens meets The Planet of the Apes”
    “Herman Melville meets Deathsport”
    “Sir Arthur Conan Doyle meets Star Trek: The Motion Picture”
    “Charlotte Bronte meets Shaft”

  26. anon Says:

    I’m A Tory Shaker
    Dairy la Sagra
    “Trols Ricewetter rolls meatballs.” — Great Daily Help (London)

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @anon: Makes exactly as much sense as the cover.

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