Dec 10

He maybe a bit of an undead Van de Graaff generator... but I love him.Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction: Here it is, this is gonna blow your minds: a hot babe getting felt up in an open grave! But make it black-and-white so we can slip it past the censors. Put some bats in there too. OH! And make sure the bats have boobs.
Published 1991 or 1996

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.50 out of 10)

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21 Responses to “The Book of the Dead”

  1. SI Says:

    Wow… Tom wasn’t kidding… that bat really does have boobs!

    I thought originally that the dirty ghoul was strangling her, I see now he’s actually grabbing her behind!

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    Man, what was in that cider?

  3. Tat Wood Says:

    How much back-draft can a bat generate, if Tanita Tikaram’s hair’s going like that as a result?

  4. Dan Says:

    She has some insanely muscular arms. That ghoul may be in for a “Crying Game” twist ending…

  5. Bibliomancer Says:

    Why is she all black from her nether regions all down? Is it an odd looking garment? Or did the artist slap some black paint on to get this past the censors? Or is it a poorly drawn shadow effect? And how did Tom Noir get a whole week of covers? What did GSS Admin charge for that privilege? So many questions.

  6. Tom Noir Says:

    The trick is to bludgeon the admin with cover submissions until they are weak and disoriented and they start making poor life decisions!

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    I haven’t seen GSS Admin around here in a while. Perhaps he has been brooding in his Fortress Apartment of Solitude ever since I revealed SI’s secret identity. Or perhaps he has gone back to his home planet and left the keys and admin password with Tom Noir.

  8. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    That’s not a bat, ya gits!

    This is a bat:


    That up there’s a harpy. We don’t have a harpy tag, do we? This is what happens when the GSS admins aren’t hovering about.

  9. A.R.Yngve Says:

    I HATE that advertsing cliche when the model tosses her hair to show how fluffy it gets! Nobody ever does that in real life…

    “With new Dove Mortal Essences Superlift Conditioner, my hair gets as fluttery as a bat’s wings!”

  10. fred Says:

    Paradise or parody. Can’t decide.

  11. Adam Roberts Says:

    *sings* “Like a bat outta hell I’ll be going to put on mah bra …”

  12. Rags Says:

    HAHAH, what a horrible cover….awful!!

    That boob-bat looks like an owl.

  13. SI Says:

    @bibliomancer – well I just happen to be a personal friend of the GSS admin… So I can pass on your concern. He’s currently trying to find himself in a Dark knight type way. I.e locked in a Bhutanese prison but without any martial arts skills. At least that’s what his homing pigeon messages say.

  14. Lionrock Says:

    Alice Cooper’s new video was just more of the same. Graves, bats ya de ya da.

    Not even a bald head wig and a sulky Tanika Tikaram cameo could save it.

  15. Tom Noir Says:

    Incidentally, illustrator Wayne Barlow also did the cover for the threequel, “Book of the Mad,” which I submitted here a while ago.

    I actually think he’s a fairly proficient artist – it’s his choice of subject matter that tends to be amusing! Apropos of nothing, I wonder if he used the same model for both covers:

  16. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tom: I doubt it. Different chin, ears & cheekbones.

    Re: subject matter, could we blame this one on the art direction?

  17. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I’m with @Dan, the arms are just a tad too masculine for my taste.

  18. Grave Girl Says:

    This new chiropractor may be unorthodox, but he’s done wonders for my cervical spine!

  19. Tom Noir Says:

    I feel if you’re a professional cover designer, job one is to center all the cover text in a pleasing manner. Honestly, there is a button that will do that for you, right there in MS Word. Why is it so hard?!?

  20. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Ya know how some artifacts are so “out” they’re in? Well, this cover is so “in” it’s out. Cut me a break with the “Paradys,” already, and the knowing looks, and the erotic frisson and of course that bat-owl. Title should be “Boke of the Ded.” A-and where’s the “magick”?

    End of rant. Sorry.

  21. Perry Armstrong Says:

    Some commentators have noted the damsel’s apparent upper-body strength, which seems to me an entirely appropriate attribute to possess when fighting the undead:

    The Buff Vampire Slayer!

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