Jan 09

Worst... dentist... ever...Click for full image

Jaouad Comments: Welcome to a new game of Spot The Rockstar! Among this week’s line-up are: Brian May, Ozzy Osbourne, Eddie van Halen, Steve Harris, Jimmy Page, Ian Gillan, John Deacon, Glenn Tipton, Dave Brock, and the ever elusive drum legend Alan Moore.
Published 1976

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.90 out of 10)

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30 Responses to “The Eternal Champion”

  1. SI Says:

    “My hair is on fire!!! GAHAHA!”

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    Christmas at Carol Decker’s house gets a tad out of hand when Great Uncle Demigod overdoes it with the mulled wine. He’s had enough, Carol!

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Vajrapani has discovered his consort is made of glue.

  4. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘My hair is made of orange meringue. Let me cut you a slice’

  5. B. Chiclitz Says:

    She must be plumber. She’s got the classic crack-in-the-ass.

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Probably not a good idea to do big dramatic backswing with your wicked scimitar if it’s facing the wrong way.

  7. Bibliomancer Says:

    Cover artist Bob Haberfield paints his imaginary self-portrait.

  8. Phillip Moon Says:

    As pointed out by B. Chiclitz, scimitar faces the wrong way. Also, his left hand looks like someone’s butt cheeks and he’s missing his left leg.

  9. Kripslod Says:

    I can’t think of anything to say.

    What can anyone say, besides references to Buddhist deities, plumbers, and the artist himself. This cover is awful to the second power—whole religions could be built around its awfulness.

    I can only add this: Thank you, Good Show Sir! You have strengthened my resolve at this my moment of weakness. I almost slipped, I almost gave in to the persuasive, but poison words of those Marketing Gurus who insist that to sell, a speculative fiction book must have an eye catching cover replete with ergot inspired imagery, buxom warrior maidens astride fire breathing unicorns, jackbooted leprechauns brandishing whips, and sun-glass wearing and chess playing dragons.

    No, Good Show Sir! Thanks to you, I have the power to resist the temptation of fat royalty checks and to stay true to my vision of a world where balding middle aged accountants can ride public transportation secure in the knowledge that their vain and unwholesome reading material will not draw the ire of fellow passengers.

    As Asimov is my witness, Volume Two of [ … ] WILL have a plain brown cover!

  10. fred Says:

    The Boris Vallejo cover is boringly average.
    This is awesome in a Carlos Santana album cover way.

  11. Tom Noir Says:

    This cover very much reminds me of Moorcock’s ‘Chronicles of Castle Brass’ books, also featured on this illustrious site:

  12. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tom: The more Moorcock covers we see, the more I want to ask Mr. Haberfield if everything’s all right at home.

    @fred: the Vallejo cover is MUCH better if you read the text in your best Homestar Runner voice, and pronounce the title ‘ee-ter-nall cham-peen’.

  13. Jaouad Says:

    @Tom: I believe all Mayflower editions of Moorcock have this kind of artwork.

    I inherited a stack of his novels about half a meter high, and there’s at least the Corum books (3), the Runestaff books (4), the Castle Brass books (3) and some standalones, all done by Haberfield.

    And I haven’t even looked at the non-Mayflower editions yet…

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    Two red-headed blue-skinned nekkid women in two days. Will there be a hat-trick?

  15. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Jaouad — What was the reaction of the clerk at the local bookshop when you told him that you wanted some Moorcock, didn’t want to buy it, but only take some pictures for your website?

  16. Jeff Vader Says:

    You have your basketball and your sabre. Now drink your wine like a good champion and stop crying.

  17. Jaouad Says:

    @Bibliomancer – She rolled her eyes and said “Don’t we all?”. I didn’t press the matter.

    The bloke in the bookshop across the road asked me to step into the backroom for a minute, where he could show me just the thing.

    The things you have to put up with if you’re a sucker for Moorcock.

  18. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Jaouad — Glad to hear you got your hands on some Moorcock and were able to pull it off so easily!

  19. Jaouad Says:

    It was no problem at all, really. Almost as easy as getting off a unicorn.

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Did you know that this book was REALLY, ACTUALLY turned into a Sega videogame? It’s called “Eternal Champions” and unfortunately did not contain any of the characters on the cover…
    (“Shiva Vs. Buttcrackia, Round One — FIGHT!”)

  21. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I appreciate the tag wizard’s “Sir Mix-A-Lot” tag, but I think that we really could use a “Butt Crack” tag…it’s just more telling.

  22. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Another candidate for the Butt Crack tag?

  23. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Yet one more Butt Crack candidate?

  24. Bibliomancer Says:

    Mrs. Chiclitz: “How was your day at work?”

    B. Chiclitz: “Busy! I must have tagged over a hundred butt-cracks today! Tomorrow I’m going to start sorting out the cleavages from the devil’s dumplings. Tag Wizard can’t do it alone!”

    Mrs. Chiclitz: “You need help, dear.”

  25. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—I thank ye, kind sir, for pointing out that I seem to have developed a “butt crack” fetish. Perhaps I’ve been spending too much time on a certain website that tends to roil the dark waters of my unconscious mind; of course I am referring to Chinese GSS, where girls clamor to date my testicals. At least I can be thankful that I have not also developed an “asshead” fetish, for there are a number of covers on which I could waste my time there as well.

    I have begun arrangements for therapy, and will keep you posted of my progress along the road to wellness.

  26. Bibliomancer Says:

    @B. Chiclitz — That is what friends are for. I first became concerned about your situation when I read your Ph.D. dissertation: Blow, Winds and Crack your Cheeks: A Postmodern Exegesis on Asshattery from Shakespeare to Sir Mix-a-Lot.

  27. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—well, that makes you and my committee who’ve read my magnum opus. I almost got Baen to publish it a while back, but they couldn’t find a suitable cover.

  28. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    @B. Chiclitz – thanks for those…boy do I wish there were Butt Crack tags for them. In fact, maybe we should start Space-Sheeping them in the future. Not that I am some kind of prude or anything, but I think it would be in line with the spirit of GSS. Maybe the Space-T-Rex could be used instead?

  29. Tag Wizard Says:

    A.R.Yngvie, that’s a good observation. I think we can add Chakan: The Nomad Soul along with the Legacy of Kain and Ultima series to the list of video games heavily “inspired” by Eternal Champion. It’s also not inconceivable that the Deus Ex series was intended as an EC homage given Warren Spector’s background in the fantasy role-playing scene and its main character being named “J.C.” Denton.

  30. Anna T. Says:

    Pictures of Hindu Gods.

    Mix well and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.

    This cover, or something similar, will be the result.

    (If you have angered the gods by painting them missing their left legs, you’re on your own.)

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