Sep 29

I'm not talking to you. Your shoulder pads are better than mine.Click for full image

So I climbed over the mountain peak and made my way through the snow storm. I was close to death and feared I may never see another living soul again. Then I stumbled on the temple, and the great master. There he leaned forward from his mediation. Placing a single flower petal in my hand he whispered, ‘shoulder pads’. It changed my life.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.90 out of 10)

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15 Responses to “Slanted Jack”

  1. SI Says:

    I’m so tired.

    Note the total original quote on the front cover. Obviously written by Orson each time he reads one of this series.

  2. little mi Says:

    Gosh, your up bright and early this morning!

    I am in awe of the shoulder pads, I don’t think I can even contemplate any other part of the picture (please, lets just not even mention the tights). I have always wondered how people with such amazing shoulder protrusions can reach stuff just over their heads.

    ‘They can fight any evil, defeat any enemy as long as its not above shoulder height!’

  3. SI Says:

    I’m still an hour ahead in another country, so not too early 🙂

    The tights are amazing too! You could count their spare change, as you say.

  4. CSA Says:

    Soldier1: Sir, why do we need these really heavy shoulder pads?
    Soldier2: Why they’re to protect our vital organs – our shoulders
    Soldier1: But what about our heads?
    Soldier2: Helmets would ruin our awesome hair do’s
    Soldier1: But why the tights?
    Soldier2: I love you….
    Soldier1: …

  5. Roses Says:

    Soldier 1: So you didn’t see where my sleeves went?
    Soldier 2: Nope. Sorry.
    Soldier 1: Are you sure you didn’t see where my sleeves went?
    Soldier 2: No, I was gelling my hair…
    Soldier 1…walks off in a huff.
    Soldier 2 whips out the sleeves and tucks them into her shoulder pads.

  6. SI Says:

    Soldier 1: You said everyone would be in fancy dress.
    Soldier 2: Yes?
    Soldier 1: They’re not…
    Soldier 2: They are just jealous
    Soldier 1: Of our shoulder pads?
    Soldier 2: And your leggings.
    Soldier 1: Hey… you said they were mens leg warmers.
    Soldier 2: I lied…

  7. Roses Says:

    Soldier 2: Thanks for keeping my socks warm for me.
    Soldier 1: No problem, that’s what friends are for.
    Soldier 2: Let’s kick some arse and then I’ll have ’em back.
    Soldier 1: Would you mind if I had a fag first?
    Soldier 2: Good idea, they’re in my left shoulder pad. Lighter’s in the right. Help yourself. I’ll keep a look out for the anti-smoking Nazis.
    Soldier 1: Why the bloody hell they didn’t design pockets into these uniforms, I’ll never know.

  8. CSA Says:

    Soldier 2: Forget the pockets… I really gotta pee. Anything in the shoulder pads for that?
    Soldier 1: No, i told you to go before we left.
    Soldier 2: But i need to go now…

  9. JustinLeego Says:

    That guy is totally Van Damme.

  10. Luc D Says:

    A slanted jack makes changing tyres very difficult indeed. But it’s nothing a good mechanic won’t be able to remedy.

  11. SI Says:

    Excellent comments. I think we need to get it going again:

    Soldier 1: Don’t look now. But I think our fashion sense is killing the plants behind us.

  12. Nix Says:

    Soldier 2: What plants? I thought those were perimeter defences launched from our shoulder pads.

  13. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Color-Blind Jack

  14. anon Says:

    After the shoulder pads and collars they only had enough money left to buy one set of sleeves and knee pads, a single gun, tights instead of pants and not one helmet.

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Are those Tribbles in the background?

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