Apr 03

The destroyer of fleets, worlds, and bottles of single malt whiskeys.Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: At last Jimmy Doohan gets a chance to have a story where HE’S the hero, instead of that bozo Bill Shatner!
Published 1997

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.29 out of 10)

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28 Responses to “The Rising”

  1. Saxon Bullock Says:

    In which the giant floating head of James Doohan uses its starship-destroying powers to cause a major intergalactic incident…

  2. Adam Roberts Says:

    Nice starship-shaped earrings.

  3. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Hilarious confusion ensues. Is this:
    A) A book written by James Doohan?
    B) A novel where James Doohan is the protagonist?
    C) A novel co-written by James Doohan and S.M. Stirling?
    D) A novel where the Star Trek character “Scotty” is fanficced into a different universe?
    E) A desperate attempt to attract Trekkies?
    F) All of the above?

  4. THX 1138 Says:

    I hope this is all written in Scotty’s accent like Trainspotting.

  5. RachelJ Says:

    A.R.Yngve. Surely E) is a given?

  6. Tag Wizard Says:

    Portrayed here is actually an enormous space beast with the head of James Doohan and the body of a cruiser-crippling explosion.

  7. Tat Wood Says:

    His Bluetooth got too hot and ignited his polyester long-sleeve T-shirt. Wearing a red Star Fleet top will always get you in the end.

    Is this book actually called ‘(the) R.SING’?

  8. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Me wattle can’t take more o’ this, Cap’n!’

  9. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    The most violent bukkake scene ever captured on film!

  10. RachelJ Says:

    @THX 1138. Inexplicably, the sample chapters available on Baen’s site are in standard English. I have corrected this unfortunate oversight:

    Th’ Risin’

    Cape Hatteras hud bin a Commonwealth Space Commain launchpoint fur a lang time, weel ower a century; besides ‘at, wartime expansion hud buildin’ gonnae oan in a roond-the-clock frenzy. Thaur waur launch pits fur everythin’ frae heavy beam-boosted cargo lifters tae th’ smallest personnel shuttles, repair docks, giant reaction-mass tanks tae hauld th’ distilled water, barracks, warehoosin’, an’ a sprawlin’ civilian settlement aroond it. Aw Peter saw ay it was th’ processin’ facility whaur they checked his ID.

  11. Bibliomancer Says:

    Any Trekkie caught beaming this book up off the bookstore shelf will be beamed up to the police station for shoplifting.

    @RachelJ — I canna stop readin’. It’s too excitin’. I need the whole first chapter!

    The best laid plans of Baen editors gang aft agley.

  12. RachelJ Says:

    @Bibliomancer. Actually, that’s th’ second. Naethin’ happens in th’ first chapter.

    Continuin’ th’ story-

    Thaur was a bittersweit relief tae bein’ back in a workin’ Space Commain facility efter th’ hospitals an’ physical therapy centres. Gunmetal-gray corridors ay synthetic ‘at looked soft somehaw but was harder than steel; functional extruded shapes a’ place, color-codin’ oan pipes an’ equipment an’ branch-of-service badges oan th’ ubiquitoos overaa uniforms, an’ an equally ubiquitoos faint reek ay ozain. Security hud bin tightened up, he noticed; thaur waur Marine guards in battledress at th’ entrance tae th’ dockin’ bays an’ a retinal scan afair lieutenant gardner boarded th’ wee bullet-shaped shuttle in its deep synthcrete pit.

    “Want tae ride up front?” th’ shuttle pilot said.

    “Sure.” Twist th’ chib. Oan th’ other hain, ‘at was bein’ riddy. An’ Ah wish Ah coods gonnae-no usin’ expressions loch “on th’ other hain.” Gab abit twistin’ th’ chib.

    Thar waur still tois seats, althoogh copilots hud gain th’ way ay mony other peacetime luxuries, at leest oan rootine flights loch thes. Peter laid back in th’ recliner an’ lit th’ holohelmit slide ower his een. Snap. Th’ wee ship’s systems cam alife, an’ vision opened it afair Peter’s een. It was as if th’ front ay th’ shuttle hud vanished, givin’ heem an all-aroond view, crystal clear. Status bars athwart th’ top an’ bottom ay his vision listed fuel (reaction tanks full), reactur (fusion systems nominal), an’ a half-dizzen other essentials; th’ pilot coods caa up onie other data as she wished. Cooplin’ hoses feel awa’ frae th’ matte-blue sides ay th’ shuttle, trailin’ droplets intae th’ water at th’ bottom ay th’ launch pit.

  13. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @RachelJ:Sir Walter himself would feel a wee tear well in th’ corner o’ his eye. Thank ye for sharin’!

  14. Rev Says:

    How does one “beam it up off the bookstore shelves”?

  15. THX 1138 Says:

    @RachelJ: Brilliant! It’s like Rabbie Burns in space!

  16. RachelJ Says:

    @Dead stuff and THX. Thank ye!

    @Rev. Och, laddie, that’s jist a fancy way ay sayin’ “shopliftin'”, ye ken.

  17. SI Says:

    “Twist th’ chib. Oan th’ other hain,” sounds like the next Scottish Ceilidh song we’re about to dance to.

    It hurts my head… like Burn’s poetry. It’s not good, he’s drunk darn it! DRUNK!

  18. Rev Says:

    @Rachelj – No, I don’t think thats it. There is definitely some sort of “beaming” involved. It says it right there. I have shoplifted myself, and on several occasions have actually shoplifted bottles of Beam, yet at no point was it ever referred to as “beaming”. Unless you were describing my face about half an hour later…a quick look at Mr Doohan tells me that he is most certainly not beaming. But then, he preferred Saurian Brandy…

  19. Tat Wood Says:

    RachelJ: I tried reading this imagining James Doohan saying it but it came out as Gregor Fisher.
    (For Bibliomancer et al – this might explain the reference or not I grew up among people who talk like that. No wonder SF seemed more realistic than everything around me).

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Fun fact: put RachelJ’s transcription of the book through The Mocking Program, remove the spaces and transpose the lot of it onto a Dvorak keyboard. Safe the text as a .gif, and you’ll be rewarded with an animated bottle of Bell’s Whisky.

  21. fred Says:

    Book – 1997. Springsteen – 2001/2002. Coincidence? I think not.

  22. RachelJ Says:

    Reading on, I find the original text has some fairly brain-twisting lines, without any help from me, e.g.

    “He was tempted to call the captain, but then the raider would know he had a rider. A rider named Raeder.”

  23. Tom Noir Says:

    This book is like when the drummer of that band you like releases his own solo album.

  24. Jen Says:

    I’m just disappointed that the title of this book wasn’t actually “James Doohan Rising” and starred his giant floating head vs. the Starship Titanic, like I originally thought.

  25. Jeff Vader Says:

    @RachelJ: “A rider named Raeder” sounds like a mediocre folk rock band.

  26. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Jeff: Yes…and 25 years after they break up, the lead singer’s daughter TwinkleBerry StarSprite can kill herself, because Daddy spent all his time star trekking across the galaxy to raise money to feed starving Klingons and Mommy was too busy snorting cocaine off of Michael Hutchence’s bum…

  27. anon234 Says:

    @Jeff Vader: I wonder what their rider would look like.

  28. Tom Noir Says:

    This comment thread is amazing.

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