Jul 30

My thighs... need no protection!Click for full image

Tom Noir Comments: This is a good cover. Just try not to think about the fact that when she stands up she’s not wearing anything past her navel. Or about what’s going on with her breastplate. Or how her stubby arm can support a shield that big. Or about the fact that she appears to have just passed gas/the ghost of her mother-in-law.
Published 2001

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.78 out of 10)

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27 Responses to “The Storm of Heaven”

  1. Bibliomancer Says:

    The lady (and her ghost friend) are both having a serious bad hair day. No wonder they are so pissed.

    The gladiator in the back is giving the “Fongool!” salute.

    … oh, and … BEHIND YOU!

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I HAVE THE POWER…to launch Paddy Burke’s daemonic sister from where my parietal lobes should be!

  3. Tat Wood Says:

    I refer m’learned friends to THX’s comment yesterday – the spook-woman’s doing Tommy Cooper. It was one of those impressions everyone thought they could do, like Jimmy Cagney or Mick Jagger, so generations of embarrassing uncles and duff comedians tried doing that gesture and slurring ‘Juss like that’

    (Here’s the original: you’ll either adore it or stare blankly at the screen. However, he usually wore a bow-tie so at least one aspect of recent ‘Doctor Who’ will now almost make sense.)

  4. fred Says:

    I love you book cover Spartacus.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Dracula’s Brood Now with more arms and less eyes than ever before!

  6. THX 1138 Says:

    Hey, Russell Crowe’s been working out… some issues.

  7. Jeff Vader Says:

    How nice of the gladiator in the foreground to be handing her that shield.

    “Nah – you take it. I’ve got He-Man’s sword and a handful of kelp already.”

  8. Rachel Says:

    Strapless panties: every warrior woman’s best friend.

  9. FeárofMüsic Says:

    Did two artists collaborate on this? Because Phantom Lady is considerably better done. Little marionette sword girl is somewhat misshapen. Her head has her looking a touch, oh, mongoloid?
    Ooh. I can hear Phantom Lady singing (with Mark Mothersbaugh’s voice)

    “Mongoloid, she is a mongoloid
    Because that’s what I made her to be,
    Mongoloid, she is a mongoloid,
    and I’m gonna make her fight for me.. “

  10. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    How Stella Got Her Groove Back Behind Her and Huffing Paint.

  11. Jeff Vader Says:

    (Because this just had to be done…)

    Look out for other exiting books in this series:

    The hurricane of Heaven

    The strong gale of Heaven

    The monsoon of Heaven

    The sudden downpour of Heaven

    The partly cloudy skies of Heaven

    The light drizzle of Heaven

  12. anon Says:

    Gold is such a soft metal. I would’ve let Druggy the Ghost go first.

    *tail-spinner, judging by the cover.
    Hey, is that guy in the background sneezing while trying to kiss one of his “guns”?

  13. Karl Says:

    Add to the list of things not to think about: That her head is shaped so that she doesn’t have room for more than half a brain in her skull.

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The bald gladiator in the background suddenly realizes that… HE FORGOT TO PUT ON DEODORANT! And the crowd boos…

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Note to Fantasy publishers:
    A heroic female character is only as “empowering” as her clothing will allow. It’s hard to be heroic if your costume HARDLY LETS YOU MOVE AN INCH.

  16. Tom Noir Says:

    Dayum, that there lady has one flat head.

  17. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    It’s bothered me that her arm appears to have been stuffed shoulder-deep into a python. I wonder if the art design was for ‘Lorica squamata’ that the illustrator made squamous, and then confused a breastplate with the galerus?

  18. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Figure in background: “Man, I am soooo stoned right now…”

  19. Jon Says:

    I don’t think I’d mind this cover so much, except that it’s obvious Ms. Just-In-From-the-Storm-of-Heaven (look at her drenched hair – she had to have just come out of the rain) has no elbow in her sword arm….

  20. anon Says:

    Harash Almont
    “Harash Almont raves about button theories, undermines all patios.” Culos

  21. fred Says:

    The androgynous God of Tings is about to get to work.

  22. GSS ex-noob Says:

    So I see the artist could only afford one color of paint, plus a little black and white for varying the shade.

    And as @B’man said lo these many years ago: BEHIND YOU! About the better-drawn ghost woman, not the random blobby gladiator types.

  23. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Tom Noir: “the ghost of her mother-in-law”
    Or maybe just her mother

    “MOM, I’m in the middle of a gladiatorial contest! Stop spooking the other gladiators.”

  24. JuanPaul Says:

    “Really, you show up to paint us when we are ALL having bad hair days?”

  25. B. Chiclitz Says:

    And this, finally, is why Boudicca lost to the Romans; she could never grasp the distinction between function and fashion when it came to armor.

  26. Ryan Says:

    Gladiators are just like us, that is if we happen to live in a heavily-armed nudist colony.

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:


    “MOM! Trying not to get stabbed here!”

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