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Nov 04

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I want a man charging into battle on his horse. But instead of a horse, lets just have some five legged reptilian-esque horse creature and let’s not actually have a battle, he can just be charging alone through a desert Mars landscape. Make sure the guy is only wearing a loincloth – who cares about armour as long as your family jewels are comfortable?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.67 out of 10)
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17 Responses to “Under the Moons of Mars”

  1. CSA Says:

    psshh… how do these hacks expect us to take them seriously. Mars’ “moons”, are irregularly shaped, nowhere nearly as round as those.

    Is it even scientifically possible for both of them to be in full light?

    With things like that on the cover that don’t make sense….
    wait a second… is that a sword weilding naked dude riding on the back of some sort of Moon Hippo?

  2. Roses Says:

    I would suggest that a loin-cloth is not adequate protection for the family jewels when riding a 5 legged space hippo.

    At least it would ensure the virtue of any virgins at the end of that ride. He’d be begging for bags of frozen peas.

  3. Roses Says:

    PS. Why are the back feet different to the front? Does it gallop with the front hooves and jump with the back?

  4. SI Says:

    Yea I was thinking about the feet thing too Roses. And the truth could be scary. Is it possible the pack legs are like those of a kangaroo and propel the space hippo?

    Otherwise they could just be big duck feet.

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    I’m staring at the hippo’s tail, and not in a good way. Is it really supposed to look just like the central Martian City tower, there? Is it even a tail? Has somebody inserted a small tower into the rear portion of the hippo to encourage it to giddyup?

  6. Roses Says:

    Thanks for that Adam.

    Is there a ‘good way’ to stare at a space-hippo’s tail?

    Well, I suppose that answered the question of the intelligence of the beast.

    If they had to go as far as inserting the small tower to get it to run, it’s definitely not the brightest spark in the heavens.

    A smart creature would have just sat on it’s arse. A thing of that size and that many legs, you’d think if it didn’t want to stand up, there wouldn’t be very much loin-cloth bloke could do about it.

  7. Nix Says:

    Also: that thing is not galloping. That thing’s barely moving. It’s hard to tell but it might actually be lying on the ground (which would explain why the guy on its back looks like he’s about to cut its head off: he’s understandably annoyed. And orange. Obviously he got covered with sand when the thing fell over (of course it did! You think something with feet like *that* can run?)

  8. Justin Leego Says:

    Party trivia fact: James Cameron’s new film Avatar is inspired by Burrough’s John Carter of Mars series. Make yourself popular this weekend with that little tidbit!

  9. Venusian Says:

    None of you actually read do you ?

    Here, more questions, ‘and why are a horses back legs different from their front legs ?’ Don’t forget to ask that too.

  10. CSA Says:

    Reading is for losers. I read that somewhere.

  11. Tom Noir Says:

    This is such a cool, classic sci-fi cover until you get to the steed’s giant yellow duck feet.

  12. anon Says:

    @Venusian: There’s no way these books live up to the covers.

  13. THX 1138 Says:

    My Little Phony?

  14. anon Says:

    FOR MOUTH MEANDERS ON
    Rough Rider Races Bug
    Jade Action wins Minthoan Bug Trophy

  15. Jon K. Says:

    I bet this cover actually portrays something that happened in the book. John Carter, Warlord of Mars, did ride a creature called a “thoat”, which was described as having eight legs, and was gray and glossy (artist can’t do glossy, I see) with white undersides and legs which shaded to yellow at the nailless feet.

    No, they don’t have duck feet and Burroughs never described how thoat legs work, so I’m not defending the artist. Seems like they described the book to the artist, but it didn’t get through to him.

  16. Tat Wood Says:

    Now I’ve got that Showaddywaddy song in my head. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIBnYMltl0U (yes, all right, it’s a cover of a song nobody had heard in Britain before 1976)

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Is that animal galloping, or is it being electrocuted?

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