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Mar 13

PHOAWWWW would you look at those.... uh.. shrubberies!Click for full image

MisterBob’s Art Direction: A priestess with a nice cleavage and a giant bong. Don’t forget the big alien cat (blue with orange spots!)
Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.10 out of 10)
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41 Responses to “The Scroll of Man”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Ursa from Superman II relaxes at home… “Have you got the scrolls?” “No, it’s just the way I walk.”

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Why is that lady wearing a fruit-fly tiara?

  3. Tom Noir Says:

    “Dammit, I can’t get this sticky gum off my hand!”

  4. Jon Says:

    Seriously, what is that supposed to be coming off her right hand? Is it some sort of cosmic yo-yo? Or a blade made of light? If the latter, kitty better watch out.

  5. fred Says:

    Scro? What’s a Scro? I don’t even know if I have 1 of the damned things, much less 11.

  6. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    Ah, the ‘eighties. There’s something painful about that font and its color choices. The M looks like it’s trying to walk away. It’s making me think of roller-discos and sparkly stars.

    The image looks like a particularly weird display at a garden fair, with a sparkly carpet of flowers and a modernist red plastic park bench loaded with dry ice.

  7. Yoss Says:

    I think in this case “font problems” is pretty kind. It’s a little like condemning Jack the Ripper for “Breach of Etiquette.”

  8. Adam Roberts Says:

    I honestly thought the book was called ‘The Scion of Man’. Worst font EVER.

  9. Phil Says:

    I can’t figure out whether she happens to be standing in front of a weather balloon (think Rover in the THE PRISONER), or whether the big white disc is part of her headgear.

  10. Yoss Says:

    Even when done by a skilled typographer, that r hugging the next letter is an iffy practice. We had a friendly r yesterday too.

  11. Tom Noir Says:

    I’m actually gobsmacked that this came out in 1985. I would have pegged it at 1971. Maybe it’s the ‘groovy’ hand-drawn type or they were just trying really hard to be ‘retro’.

    Anyway, let’s talk about the loofah on the end of space-cat’s tail.

  12. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    “It held the key to the Earth’s survival…but it had been lost for a million years.”

    I say if the Earth has survived for a million years, then the scroll was never needed in the first place!

  13. Kwyjor Says:

    It’s not “The Scro 11 of Man” or “The Scion of Man”; It is clearly “The Sciô 11 of Man”.

  14. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I sussed it out! The back of her throne’s melting, and she accidentally put her hand into it. Whatever is on there, it’s magnetically attracted to the cat for all the same reason cat hairs get everywhere in your house.

  15. GK Says:

    I applaud the bookseller for using a matching yellow price sticker. It’s a shame half the cover will rip off when you try to remove it 🙁

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “It held the key to the Earth’s survival…but it had been lost for a million years.”
    KEY CHAIN OF THE GODS

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    With fonts like that, you’d expect a funnier title like
    THE DROLL OF MAN

  18. Ian Says:

    Dead Stuff With Big Teeth says “Why is that lady wearing a fruit-fly tiara?” but I ask Why is that bug wearing a lady mask?

  19. Yoss Says:

    I hate those price stickers too. They’re a lot of trouble on fragile old covers. Sometimes you can hit them with a hair dryer for a few minutes and loosen up the adhesive.

  20. NGpm Says:

    I’d read this just to figure out what scroll and what man. There’s neither to be found … so perhaps this image references the contents of the scroll or by “scroll” they mean the hand-rolled funkiness that was involved in the production of this cover.

  21. Smith Says:

    The new member of Cypress Hill didn’t really fit in.

  22. Robert Carnegie Says:

    I haven’t been here for a while, but I think I get the idea of this… she has boobs on her -hat-, do you notice? Trying too hard, maybe? Or a fan of [Blackadder]?

  23. tahrey Says:

    You’re all wrong, it’s clearly The Sclôii of Man

  24. tahrey Says:

    GK / Yoss

    I think it’s more worthy of note that they think this thing is very nearly worth three whole english pounds*. Central London used bookshop perhaps?

    Besides doesn’t everyone know by now that the acceptable way of pricing a secondhand book is by writing the amount on the inside of the cover (or if you want to be sure, the inside title page, just above the telltale remnants of a library date stamp card) with an HB pencil?

    * Or some other pounds? It’s “A£2.95” after all. Anglian pounds? Australian, from before they went over to dollars? Austrian, in an unexpected breakaway from the €uro?

  25. A.R.Yngve Says:

    An epic tale of humanity’s quest to reach the bottom of the web page!
    John Dalmas’
    THE SCROLL OF MAN

  26. anon Says:

    @Yoss: Ever tried turpentine? I use it on new covers to get the glue remnants off. Maybe you could try to soak it through the sticker..?

    Last words: “Now everybody watch as I zap this big cat.”

  27. Tor Mented Says:

    If you read the title top to bottom instead of left to right, it’s Soft He Cromlian.

  28. Bruce A Munro Says:

    As it turned out, the Scroll of Man had just been misplaced under the cushions of the Sofa of Man.

  29. fred Says:

    I wonder if the giant yellow M is Space Sheeping the top of her head piece for some reason.

  30. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @Fred: I can’t think why – I mean, as Robert pointed out, you can still see the boobs on her hat anyway.

  31. Francis Boyle Says:

    How to pet a rattlecat.

  32. JuanPaul Says:

    “It held the key to Earth’s survival…but it had been lost for for a million years.

    But this lady just found it, so everything’s cool now.”

  33. B. Chiclitz Says:

    🎵🎶🎵
    I’m a scroll man
    I’m a scroll man

    🎵🎶🎵

  34. Leak Says:

    Saga’s Lying Cat – the early years?

  35. Bruce A Munro Says:

    The whatever-it-is in the back remains something of a baffling blob: random objet d’art? An exceptionally glowy throne? A big bowl of space-milk for the giant cat? A space-warp toilet?

  36. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Metaphysical question of the day: How many tings does it take to make a glow?

  37. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @B. Chiclitz: I think it’s ting density per area rather than an absolute number.

  38. GSS ex-noob Says:

    “The Scio11 of Man”?

    This is some pretty egregious font abuse. I’d like to know the name so I can avoid it.

    Why does kitty have green whiskers, when he’s otherwise blue and orange?
    What’s the red and white blobby thing behind Priestess Cleavage Stoner?*
    Why is the background orange-red with yellow letters on?
    Is kitty being zapped with the glow for being bad?
    Why IS her hat a fruit-fly?
    Is the artist color-blind, even for the 80s? I swear this cover is so loud you can hear it.

    For the love of God, Montresor Ramos!

    @Leak: it’s the distant relative Lying Cat has legally disowned, so he doesn’t have to lie about it.

    *Bruce has some good ideas, for GSS values of “good”.

  39. Tat Wood Says:

    Maybe it’s not a hat, maybe it’s a brain-eating insect and it’s robbed her of the will to use the fly-spray she’s carrying.

  40. Bruce A Munro Says:

    That could be a futuristic laser pointer she has on her right hand, and she’s just about to play “catch the spot” with the cat. Or maybe shine it on whoever the cat is looking at so it will jump on them.

  41. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat, Bruce: You both might be right. It would explain everything but the font.

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