preload
Jul 03

Some girls want ponies... others want orc armies!Click for full image

Good Show Sir’s Art Direction: Boarders and frames are the window to one’s soul my friend! Just make sure this soul has a perm and a great pair of… candles… ah ha ha ha. Of course I really mean boobs.
Published 1989

P.S. I’ll hopefully have the ratings working again later today!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.38 out of 10)
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23 Responses to “The Jewels of Elvish”

  1. Phil Says:

    Elvish hash left the building.

    Oh, and: Behind you!

  2. Hep C Says:

    Seriously, what exactly is there Behind her! ?
    I love the disco hair.

    Glad to see a new cover, still can’t rate however.

  3. THX 1138 Says:

    “Urgh! You spend more time texting on your jewel than you do talking to me!”

  4. SI Says:

    I don’t remember the bright eyes video having orcs…

  5. Jaouad Says:

    Look for the exciting sequels:
    THE DIAMONDS OF DWARVISH
    THE ZIRCONS OF ORCISH

  6. MisterBOB Says:

    Surely the Prequel is Total Eclipsce of the Heart ?

  7. Michael D Says:

    Ah, TSR, fine purveyors of cheesecake. Surprisingly, this wasn’t made by Larry Elmore (though Clyde Caldwell isn’t very reluctant when it comes to variations of chainmail bikinis, too).

  8. Adam Roberts Says:

    Ah, Stevie Nicks! Fantasy is truly your proper home.

  9. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I misread the title as “The Jews of the Elvish”. “Oy gevalt! I got me a teal orc chompin’ on my perm. I just had that done!”

    Welcome back, GSS!

  10. fred Says:

    Looks more like Shybhil Dhannhing to me. And why can’t she afford matching chandleshticks?

  11. espedair Says:

    *obligatory polishing family jewels joke*

  12. L.B. Says:

    Nah MisterBob, it’s the sequel. If you’ll remember in the video, those kids had glowing eyes. Well… you see what happened the next time she visited the school.

  13. chuffmunky Says:

    The Perm of Destiny strikes fear into the black hearts of demons!

  14. Jerk of all Trades Says:

    What is it with cover artists and the obsession with history’s worst hairstyles?

  15. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I think it would have been cooler if the Orcs were in the foreground and the buxom blonde was in the background. So you get to see what the Orcs are thinking about….babes…..or boobs….or both!

  16. A.R.Yngve Says:

    THEY SAVED ELVIS’ JEWELS (nudge, nudge)

  17. Tat Wood Says:

    So if ‘Elven Born’ is the correct term for the people, therefore ‘Elvish’ refers to the language. Thus ‘The Jewels of Elvish’ must be something ‘Elfdom’s Greatest Hits’ like ‘1001 Best Runic Jokes’.

  18. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Number 687 in the classic series: So, You Want to Make an Elver Laugh? 1001 Best Runic Jokes!

    Q. Hey Flloddomoaere, why did the Were-Hen cross the rutted cart path?

    A. ➰〽️⸘‡‡⁊—^૱☊⚗➰⸘‡‡⁊!!!⸘‡‡!!

    I just can’t stop cracking up at that one . . . .

  19. Bibliomancer Says:

    @B. Chiclitz — Elves don’t know how to tell a joke. They always rune the punch line.

  20. Tat Wood Says:

    This one will rune and rune

  21. anon Says:

    “The Jewel S of Elvis H”

  22. Anna T. Says:

    @Jerk of All Trades: Amen.

  23. anon Says:

    At least she’s not holding a bloody dagger.

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