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Jul 18

Oh no. Wait. Sorry, that's a rose.
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Joachim comments: “If you look closely there’s a star on my cheek. I’m the STAR.”
Published 1980

Thanks Joachim!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.46 out of 10)
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37 Responses to “Starfinder”

  1. Phil Says:

    That’s a nasty star on his cheek. Sorry, that’s a nasty SCAR on his cheek. In the shape of a scar. Sorry, in the shape of a STAR.

    At first I misread the title as STARFINGER, which I think I would prefer. With theme tune sung by Shirley Bassey.

    What does it even mean, “a plan as bold as the Stars”? Exactly how bold is Alpha Centauri? Tau Ceti? Sol?

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    …why is there urine on the back of Tom Cruise’s shirt?

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Phil: a quick visit to NASA’s web site has assured me that our Sun–a middle-sized star–contains 99% of the matter in the Solar System. But every single second, it annihilates 4 million tonnes of that matter and turns it into FIRE. So yes, I would say that ‘bold as the stars’ is a clunky but passable simile.

  4. Tom Noir Says:

    For some reason I really want that the two lines of that blurb to rhyme.

    Also, I would have said “As bold as his puffy shirt,” but that’s just me.

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    “I am a sailor on the space-time sea! Mine is a purpose as old as the cosmos! To FIND STARS!”

    (pointing) “They’re up there.”

    “Oh! So they are. Well, that’s that done.”

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    I’m Starfinder the Sailor Man
    I’m Starfinder the Sailor Man
    I’m bold as the stars
    But I can’t find me arse
    I’m Starfinder the Sailor Man

    (sung to the tune of Popeye, the Sailor Man)

  7. Rags Says:

    He was a sailor on the Space-Time Sea, with a purpose and plan as bold as his puffy shirt!

    The only thing more cheesball that a single white rose, is a puffy shirt!

    Obviously this book is a sequel to “The Count of Monte Cristo” or its about space pirates, look at that shirt!!

    – You look like a a pirate Mr Starfinder!
    – But i dont WANNA be a pirate….

    I sense this might be the begining of a new fad, Sci-Fi musicals!! Any second now Starman will start belting out Major Tom followed by the theme song for Star Trek.

    HEY Starfinder, Jack Sparrow just called, he wants his shirt back!

    (There i know you were waiting for puffy shirt jokes, how dare you make me do it!! hah)

  8. Jon Says:

    “Alas, poor White Rose! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he gave me this puffy shirt, for example.”

  9. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Tag Wizard — After clicking the “man-blouse” tag and seeing it only currently used on two book covers, I submit the proposal that it be renamed the “puffy shirt” tag. I am sure that more cover examples will follow.

    BTW, the original puffy shirt is enshrined in the Smithsonian National Museum of American History in Washington.

  10. THX 1138 Says:

    This is one of those talent shows, isn’t it?

    [sings like Josh Groban]
    “Every rose has it’s thooorn, Just like every night has it’s daaawn, Just like every cowboy sings his saaad, saaad sooong…!”

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—it’s nice to see the the puffy shirt enshrined in a museum case, but better to see it in action

  12. fred Says:

    What happens when you push the big yellow Carl Lundgren button? Walton Goggins happens.

  13. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘As bold as the stars’… I keep hearing Kenneth Williams and Hugh Paddick.

    @Rags: anyone who endured Cliff Richard in Dave Clark’s “Time” will be hoping it isn’t a trend.

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    Maybe this is how Siegfried and Roy met the terms of their insurance pay-out, by switching from predatory mammals to horticulture.

  15. The Tag Wizard Says:

    @Biblio – you’re right, there has been some (clears throat for flaccid joke) *slackness* when it comes to cataloguing super-sleevey shirts under the tag ‘Sleeves Manlis’.

    So named after an imaginary combination of Dick Tracey character Lips Manlis and British interior designer Laurence Llwelyn-Bowen … I don’t expect understanding but sympathy would do.

  16. Bibliomancer Says:

    @Tag Wizard — Blather on! My sympathies are offered

  17. FėäröfMųsic Says:

    Prescience or plagiarism? Did Alexey Pajitnov ever see this cover? This book came out four years before the original version of Tetris, and yet, there behind the vacuos looking sailor’s back, what do we see?

  18. JaunPaul Says:

    Psssst! Starfinder! It’s on your cheek!

  19. FearofMusic Says:

    Can’t get past it. Really poor job on the skin. He looks like he is made out of wax, or the now classic American State Fair butter sculpture technique. Does not look like skin to me.

  20. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It’s spray-on skin! Helps one find stars.

  21. FearofMusic Says:

    @B.Chiclitz: He should have picked up the quick drying DuPont Insta-Skin. That cheap generic stuff has left him looking tacky. Remember, for a professional finish, trust DuPont.

  22. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @FoM–also for professional grade chemical warfare.

  23. Vampy-Ra Says:

    James Franco?

  24. RachelJ Says:

    From the evidence presented, I don’t think our hero is a finder of stars, but rather a “star” finder- that is, one who is really, really good at finding things. Like space-roses, for example.

  25. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @FoM: look by his elbows, you’ll see it’s the fellow from xkcd.

  26. LittleRed1 Says:

    Eh, he looks like one of the magicians that used to be on TV in the 1980s – David Copperfield I think it was. “Watch as this lovely rose floats above my hand.” (Wiggles fingers to show rose is floating.)

  27. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @RachelJ—too bad he couldn’t find a better shirt, or better skin, or a better cover to grace. But other than that, he’s certainly a star at finding space-roses!

  28. Stevie T Says:

    I guess in the future Neil Diamond impressionists are popular. Obviously he’s about to launch into “Cracklin’ Rosie”…

  29. Tom Hering Says:

    Who knew cover artist Charles Moll had a competitor for top prize in the “most unappealing depiction of human flesh” category? Yikes. (How sad, for me, that this is the only edition of this book by one of my half-dozen favorite SF authors.)

  30. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Mr. Starfinder, sir, you might wish to switch on your popup-blocker. Just because all of the adverts are hidden in a circle away from your eyes, doesn’t mean they’re not popped-up.

  31. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Stars can be: Small, Large, Hot, bright, cold, dark (etc.)
    Stars cannot be *literally*: Bold, nervous, timid, angry (etc.)
    Stars can be *poetically speaking*: Timid, angry, hateful, loving (etc.)
    Stars CAN NO EFFING WAY be EVEN POETICALLY SPEAKING: Bold

  32. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @AR: STARS

    😛

  33. A.R.Yngve Says:

    THE DAY SEINFELD DROPPED ACID

  34. anon Says:

    @A.R.Yngve & DSWBT: Stars was capitalized. It could be a band or a team or something.

  35. L.B. Says:

    A young Bruce Dern showing us some levity, I presume?

  36. Ray P Says:

    “…that which we call a rose/By any other name would smell as sweet.”

    “Even one dipped in liquid nitrogen?”

  37. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    He was a sailor on the Space-Time Sea, with a purpose and a plan as bold as the stars.

    She was a fast machine, she kept the motor clean, she was the best damn woman that I ever seen.

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