Oct 12

I told you this was a great idea, we both look way more awesome up here.Click for full image

Two fine gentlemen sir! Both of them wearing only the finest apparel that royalty can buy. On top of the highest castle tower pointing into the distance in ponderous thought. Leaving the viewer with a single thought, ‘Health and safety ain’t great in this castle.’

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 3.41 out of 10)

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23 Responses to “Kings Shield”

  1. SI Says:

    Probably not the worst really. But you know I’m tried.

    The cover could of used a few dragons. And a wizard. Maybe one of those birds is a wizard…

    Ok ok.. its time for coffee.

  2. CSA Says:

    I’m no architect but those towers don’t look structurally sound.

    It’s clearly a windy day, theres no way i’d be up there. They’re more dedicated to looking awesome than i am

  3. little mi Says:

    This could most certainly be improved with the inclusion of a swooping dragon but I have to say: Sherwood Smith! what an amazing name. I wish I had a name that good and I wish I could stand on top of high towers with the wind blowing and somehow manage not to end up choking on my own hair.

    Those are some darn impressive flying butresses I must say though I think someone should point out to their builders that crenellations aren’t going to be much use if you make them that low unless all your archers and such like are really, really short.

  4. Roses Says:

    little mi, I’m so glad you pointed at the name of the author. Sherwood Smith. Should have been an actor really. But how much do you think he hates his parents for giving him the initials ‘SS’?

    As for castle…see that’s the problem when you get writers and artists who don’t research stuff properly…they probably thought crenellations were just useful fashion accessories. After all, you get his best side, when he’s turned just so, and his foot is propped up. Perhaps he does his millitary push ups on them when not posing…

  5. SI Says:

    It is a great name!

    But wow…. I just found this:

    holy crap… that is no joke. An actual book!

  6. JustinLeego Says:

    I’m going to have to look this up, because you never know with terrible fantasy and sci-fi book covers, but …. is the guy supposed to be of relatively short height, or did the artist successfully get away with only buying one pot of red paint when he really should have used two?

  7. JustinLeego Says:

    I mean, the guy in front. I’d assumed the person standing further away was a woman but now I’m not sure.

  8. Roses Says:

    Si…I followed the link. Thanks for that.

    Now I’m going to have to lie down.

    That book cover needs to be on here. O the trauma.

    It reminds me why book covers ought to be painted not photographed.

  9. Roses Says:

    Guy in Red: look over there!
    Long Haired, wind-swept dude: what? where?
    Guy in Red: there’s a guy wearing crocs!
    Long Haired, wind-swept dude: No! Really? That’s disgusting.
    Guy in Red: Get my guards to round him up and hang him. Now!

  10. CSA Says:

    “And so it came to be that Crocs were outlawed throughout the land, and verily, did all plastic sandals soon follow. The world was free of another great evil, but little did the King know the next fashion disaster was being designed by the evil Canadians ….”

  11. SI Says:

    “Mu hahaha” The king of Canada laughed.
    “My lord, why are you laughing? They’ve outlawed Crocs, our evil plan has been thwarted.” His court jester replied, humbly.
    “Why Jenkins, you have so little faith in your lord. Yes, they may have taken the first wave but soon. SOON, they will have our next evil…”
    “Crocs version 2?” The jester giggled with excitement.
    With that the royal court burst into a chorus of evil laughter.

    This could get strange lol
    National book writing month is coming up. We maybe onto a winner here. 😉

  12. Roses Says:

    Oh dear…against all odds I have found equally depraved people with the weirdest sense of humour.



    I think we could get away with at least 10 books out of this. We’ll be rich! Or failing that, heavily medicated.

  13. SI Says:

    Oh dear… the doctor already gave me some pink and white pills because of my strange humour. Maybe you should run away Roses 😀

  14. CSA Says:

    And this is where SI reveals to me that everyone else who posts here is just one of his personas?

    Or maybe… i’m the persona… don’t take the pills! I want to LIVE!

    SI: btw, that link was awesome. It would have taken 30 secs work in photoshop to remove the pimples… makes it look like another LARPing event photo, some of the other covers arent much better

  15. little mi Says:

    Si: wow, that cover is really quite upsetting, I think I need a lie down in a darkened room. Though not too dark, I might have nightmares.

    If I’m one of your personas can I have a payrise and a job that doesn’t involve having to work mornings please.

  16. SI Says:

    Haha no you can’t personality number 3! Now hurry up and make me my breakfast 😛

  17. SI Says:

    “I bet you I can spit so far it reaches that guy on his horse. Look! Him, right over there!”

    Time for a cup of tea I think…. I’m not sure if I actually do any work anymore…..

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    By a one to one million coincidence, I bought a book by Ms. Smith (Banner of the Damned) over the summer. And I can say that both covers we have for us show the assets and liabilities of her prose.

    Intriguing characters? Indeed! Personal conflict? Yes! Politics? Quite!

    Action? …not so much, no.

    Inappropriate focus, such as discussing the etymology of her made-up languages for a page at a time, and insisting that the protagonist narrate events she wasn’t present for while insisting she ‘tells the truth as she sees it’? …rather.

    Length? My Lord and Savior, her book is as thick as my paperback copy of The Brothers Karamazov! So, yes, it’s three months and I’m perhaps a bit shy of a third through it.

  19. FeàrofMusïc Says:

    @DeadStuffWithBigTeeth: Brave work there laddie. Aye, ye do the regiment right proud, ye do. Such grit and determination from a wee chap like yerself. And to sacrifice yerself for yon GSS mates, throwin’yerself on that monstrous bugger like that. Well, we’ll not be forgettin’ye laddie. I’ll write yer mum meself.

    “He died like a proper trooper, Mrs. Teeth… “

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “Strike a pose!”

  21. Tat Wood Says:

    @ Si (5): I was wondering what had happened to Chesney Hawkes.

  22. Anna T. Says:

    Those people are clearly giants who are standing by a normal-sized parapet. On another note, that is a seriously tall castle if there are clouds BELOW the top of that tower. No way it could have been built without sorcerous assistance.

  23. Perry Armstrong Says:

    @Anna T: built with an economist’s assistance, perhaps?

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