Oct 14
BONUS Hi-Res Image!
Suitable for framing to hang in your man-cave.
Good Show Sir Art Direction: You know what type of reader suffers in the world of sci-fi/fantasy? Men! We need something for the men! So just put a redhead vampire chick with a huge rack right there on the front cover, holding her shotgun. It’s about time that we have something men can enjoy unlike those, dragons, swords, guns, lasers…….space ships…..oh…
October 14th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Ah. Sweet Baen, how i missed the horrific orange font.
She must be super tough… she’s not even wearing shoulder pads
October 14th, 2009 at 11:11 am
But man look at those shoulders! No wonder she doesn’t cover them up. They look like boulders.
October 14th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I think its the small things that make it special. The addition of the pointless and unnecessary [an] in the promotional quote. The Wm. Mark Simmons in a desperate attempt to engineer the authors name so it would fit just right and of course the delightful skull decoration on the doorway pillars; no kick-arse vampire lady would be without these little touches that make a home.
October 14th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Do you think ‘Wm’ is short for ‘William’, or do you think that’s actually his name? I prefer the latter hypothesis. I like the thought of people greeting him by shouting ‘Hey Wm! Wm! Over here! Wm!’
October 14th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Excellent skull finding Little Mi đ I strangely missed that completely!
I’m also not convinced those straps around her waist actually hold anything in place.
WM. is probably his street name. As in, DJ WM. ‘Raps about vampires and all that jazz.’
October 14th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
D’ya know, she really ought to be careful with those, When she runs, she’s just going to knock herself unconscious. Not enought support!
Well as long as Charlaine Harris thinks it’s worth reading…
October 14th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
She is clearly lifting her head up to see under her sunglasses. Guess that will teach her for wearing them at night!
October 14th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Perhaps the straps are there to hold in the evil child of satan that is about to dig its way out of her deceptively toned and placid belly in preparation for total world domination.
…maybe…
October 15th, 2009 at 8:49 am
This cover has annoyed me now. While reading last night all I could image for a girl in the book was this women and then couldn’t stop laughing.
Oh what fun nights I have….
October 15th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Police rookie: So which house do you think the evil vampire lives in?
Sergeant: I’ve got this hunch it’s this one here, the house with the pillars and scary skulls beside the old oak door.
Police rookie: Well how will we recognise her?
Sergeant: Well if the movie Blade has taught me anything, we should just kill anything with lots of leather and wears sunglasses all the time
Police rookie: but what about emo kids…
Sergeant: I said kill anything…
October 15th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Two Suited Gentlemen : Good evening madam. Would you like a copy of WatchTower? Have you accepted the Word of God into your life?
Evil Vampire Wench weighs up her need for a quick snack….
October 16th, 2009 at 8:49 am
“Excuse me miss, we are investigating a series of murders in the area where the victims have had bite marks in there necks and shotgun wounds to the chest. Have you seen anything unusual lately?”
April 29th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
“Durham Red ! Is that you…??” – Search & Destroy Agent a/k/a “Strontium Dog” Johnny Alpha
April 25th, 2013 at 4:11 pm
I didn’t realize this cover was already on this site! Habeas CORPSES, Baen? I think even you guys should be a little ashamed of that one. Or, you know, this cover in general.
April 25th, 2013 at 4:47 pm
Immense, isn’t it? Equally, they could have gone with a World War III-style hewn block and got away with it, such is the aweful majesty of the pun.
September 6th, 2014 at 2:42 pm
I deduce from this cover that “Wm.” Mark Simmons (seriously, what is he abbreviating? ‘William”?? ‘Woman’???) writes about vampires that never need to pee, because imagine if this, erm, lovely lady had to hit the loo in a hurry. By the time she untangled herself from all those straps and chains… let’s just say she’d be nocturinal.
March 26th, 2015 at 10:43 pm
@Tom Noir(not yet of the Red Planet) You have just raised an intriguing point, and one I don’t think I’ve seen in any vampire movie. Do vampires urinate? And if so, do they pee blood? And why would a vampire EVER wear sunglasses? For ironic effect? Or to displace suspicion? ‘Wait… sun… glasses. Sun… chief, that can’t be a vampire! Vampires can’t stand the sun! She’s wearing’ sunglasses ‘. See where I’m going here?’
March 26th, 2015 at 11:36 pm
@FoM: they urinate type P.
Mummy says I’m not allowed to make that joke ever again. đ
March 27th, 2015 at 10:05 am
A vampire urinates in a public toilet in the Stephen King novella The Night Flyer, and yes, it pees blood. Knew that information would come in handy one day!
June 24th, 2015 at 11:49 am
Now, that is one clunky blurb. Almost as bad as
“[An] action-containing bundle of hi-jinks through a world which is alive…”
June 24th, 2015 at 4:23 pm
Who in his right mind would abbreviate his first name like that? You’d simply initial the second name.
So… I’m thinking Wachtmeister.
June 24th, 2015 at 4:50 pm
@anon: I agree with Adam above, maybe that’s how his mummy and daddy named him. Period and all.
@SI: do you recall what book you were reading? If it was The Handmaid’s Tale, I quite understand.
May 26th, 2017 at 12:11 pm
Vampire legal series with witty Latin titles? I wonder if she works with Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
May 26th, 2017 at 1:03 pm
Exemplary Kenneth Williams impersonation, madam!
May 26th, 2017 at 1:31 pm
Writing a novel is so easy. Just string a bunch of events together and voilĂ ! Off to the publisher!
May 26th, 2017 at 4:03 pm
Habeas corpses? She must be a lady vampire lawyer.
Does she take pro boner cases?
May 26th, 2017 at 4:33 pm
@B’MancerâI’m sure she does. After all, she’s an amicus cutie.
May 26th, 2017 at 5:34 pm
The Phryne Defense, demonstrated.
May 26th, 2017 at 5:44 pm
@BC – nipso facto !
May 26th, 2017 at 5:58 pm
New: BONUS Hi-Res Image!
Suitable for framing to hang in your man-cave.
May 26th, 2017 at 6:06 pm
@TW: Could you add an ‘undo’ function on my brain, please?
May 26th, 2017 at 8:14 pm
@B’Mancerâfortunately, she is also good at reasoning a posteriori.
May 26th, 2017 at 8:28 pm
I’m too English to know this: is it actually possible to hold a gun that heavy in this way? She’s got her wrist wrapped around it like en garde in quarte, as can be seen from Tag Wizard’s super-de luxe image.
May 26th, 2017 at 8:32 pm
@BC – I heard in college she was magna cum laud-ly
May 26th, 2017 at 9:00 pm
@Tat: I’ll spare you the worry of looking at the Hi-Res Image, she is inserting the stock of the rifle down the front of her leather trousers!!! Does that answer your question?
May 26th, 2017 at 9:08 pm
@TW, DeadSWBTâIs that an en garde in quarte in your trousers or are you just glad to see me?
@B’MancerâGood Show Sir!
May 26th, 2017 at 10:16 pm
@DSWBT – nah, she’s just resting the stock against her hip. I don’t think any trouser insertion is in the offing.
The real mystery here is – why is she wearing swim goggles??
May 27th, 2017 at 4:58 am
@Bibliomancerâby the way, I believe that college was Mount St. Mary.
May 27th, 2017 at 8:28 am
@Tat: you CAN hold it that way, but it puts it in an impossible position to use (and it’ll take a while for you to get it into a usable position), and you will look like a complete prat if you do.
Also, to me, the blurb looks like an “event-pocked” romp, which… pocked by bullets? pocked by readers slamming their heads against the wall? pocked by acne scars, of which the readers have many?
@Tom Noir: I don’t think her straps are attached to anything, so they wouldn’t slow her down in unbuckling for the loo. However, peeling and shucking the trousers themselves might take a while. Even though she hasn’t far to drop them, they might be vacuum-sealed. Maybe she’ll just shoot ’em off. Maybe there’s a knife at the base of the stock.
@GSS Admin: Even though you have NOT used my submissions I sent in during the festive season, I have this very day photographed some more BAEN! *explosion*. If you shan’t use my whatever-the-days-between-Boxing-Day-and-New-Year’s-Eve-are-called, I shall try again during Ramadan. BAEN! offends people of all or no religion. (Offends Muslims a LOT since late 2001.)
(I looked at some old ones that were printed whilst The Masterful Lord Himself was still alive, and they weren’t nearly as hideous. No worse than others of that era.)
January 31st, 2022 at 2:43 am
That is not a shotgun costume, that is a crossbow costume.
January 31st, 2022 at 2:56 am
Her hip ain’t gonna be so jaunty after that shotgun.
And why does a vampire need a shotgun, anyway?
January 31st, 2022 at 7:24 am
@GSS ex-noob: to shoot werewolves.
January 31st, 2022 at 5:24 pm
Clever vamp. She’s never been staked through the heart because the vampire hunters are just too damn distracted.