May 18

She's just trying to boil some water! You bast**ds!!!Click for full image

Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Comments: Scout Finch experimented with Wicca in college.
Published 2016

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.00 out of 10)

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34 Responses to “To Kill a Kettle Witch”

  1. Perry Armstrong Says:

    … you need a Pot Witchfinder General?

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    I’m not prejudiced, honest, but I’m getting a definite witchy vibe from this cover. Don’t know what it is, but there you go.

  3. SI Says:

    At first I thought her midriff was really badly photo shopped on… now I see its a belt.

  4. Bibliomancer Says:

    That is one nasty fingernail on her right hand.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @SI: Me, too. Between that, the six different fonts and colours, and the cutesy title, I thought the cover to be GSS worthy.

    Try saying ‘Mist-Torn Witches’ or Móndyalítko aloud, it isn’t easy.

  6. Mark E Says:

    Why do so many fantasy covers have someone holding a blade and a bow? How are they supposed to draw it? Is it wrong that it is things like this that keeps me up at night? #MiddleEarthProblems

  7. Tat Wood Says:

    The title makes a bit more sense than her last effort, apparently. Unless ‘Witches with the Enemy’ is a mishearing and it’s really about the early careers of Julie Birchill and Pennie Smith.

  8. Anna T. Says:

    What do they have against good cooking? Or good tea, for that matter?

    And what kind of bow is she holding? It doesn’t look like it would serve its intended purpose particularly effectively.

  9. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


    The Witch of Notre Dame
    Witch of Green Gables
    Fifty Shades of Witch
    War and Peace and Witches

    And, of course,

    The Witch and the Witch of Blackbird Pond

  10. Ray P Says:

    How to kettle a witch is a section of the new police training manual.

  11. Bibliomancer Says:

    Well isn’t this a fine kettle of witch.

  12. B. Chiclitz Says:

    I am sure that shoulder strap chafes.

  13. B. Chiclitz Says:

    To be followed by:

    Moby Witch
    The Witch and the Fury
    Finnegans Witch
    The Witch in the Willows

  14. Tat Wood Says:

    The sequel’s going to be called ‘Go Set a Witchman’.

    (Seriously, there’s one they don’t mention in the blurb, ‘The Witches in Red’ and the first book is about a girl choosing between two princes. So that’s Chris de Burgh and the Spin Doctors. What 90s MOR hell awaits in this book?)

  15. fred Says:

    Looks like one of the boring execrable can’t act her way out of a paper bag badly written why the hell did HBO go to Dorne in the first place any book reader could have told them their revision would be laughable crap Sand Snakes.

  16. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC, Tat: time to clear off some room on the bookshelves! 😀

  17. Perry Armstrong Says:

    The Lion, The Witch and The Chiffarobe

  18. Mel Says:

    Are we sure that is a bow? I don’t see any bowstring. Maybe her pet snake died and is in rigor mortis. Or maybe she is really regretting buying her magic wand from that discount site.

  19. HappyBookworm Says:

    @ Mel – Not only does she have no bowstring, but I don’t see any arrows, either…
    unless you count the ones holding up the title.

  20. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Talk about stingy publishers — they wouldn’t even pay for fixing her hair before the photo shoot!

  21. B. Chiclitz Says:

    To Kill a Kettle Chip
    Yum yum!

  22. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Welcome to the magical land of low-budget photoshoots!

    In the name of realism (and saving money) rather than hiring an actual artist we’re going to create some sort of digital collage that radiates all the excitement of congealed oatmeal. I mean, if I’m walking through a bookstore, this cover will certain grab my attention with all the power of a Soviet collective farm grain silo panorama.

    Aren’t witches associated with cauldrons rather than kettles? Is this some sort of “our vampires are different” thing?

    @B. Chiclitz: I’m partial to kettle corn myself.

  23. Francis Boyle Says:

    I get it. She a stock photography model, not an actual witch, and she’s afraid of career-ending wrinkles, but she’s not exactly inhabiting the role.

  24. fred Says:

    Raven – Swordsmistress of Chaos asks why she didn’t an ‘intricate psychological plots’ blurb.

  25. JuanPaul Says:

    There are a lot of letters in the alphabet that when combined with “-orn” will make a word that is easy to pronounce after “mist”. “T” is not one of them.

  26. Tat Wood Says:

    She should have read the labels before putting everything on hot-wash.

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    ZZZzzzz… oh, sorry, this is terrible yet dull. A random assortment of boring.

    What the heck is the thing coming in from the left margin? And how long are her fingers?

    Mist-Torn Kettle Corn — it’s magically delicious!

    I am 2 weeks out from my second vaccine, and thus apparently 95% safe from the ‘rona. Just in time to finally get some masks that I can breathe through and that don’t fog up my glasses. And I’m still following all hand-washing, hand sanitizer, etc. protocols, because there are plenty of other germs out there.

  28. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @GSSxn—Same here, “because there are plenty of other germs out there.” (resisting temptation to break GSS taboo and get overtly political) Amen to that!

  29. THX 1139 Says:

    If you see the witch Fenella don’t be worried ’cause there’s no cause for alarm:

  30. Tat Wood Says:

    Ha Ha Ha Ha

    Ho Ho Ho Ho

    However, that’s not my immediate thought when I see that name

    (Chorlton was the reason I couldn’t take David Brin’s second Uplift trilogy seriously).

  31. Tat Wood Says:

    Sorry, that last comment was @THX. Although GSS to everyone this weekend.

  32. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tat: I believe we all saw that punchline coming, even back then, but it never fails.

    @BC: I think we’ve gone very political many times, particularly the last 5 years, and even more so the past year. And I’m still wearing my mask because too many idiots on the right refuse to get vaccines and wear theirs.

    I was behind (not on) a bus the other day and the board alternated between flashing the route number and MASKS REQUIRED. I may be wearing a mask on public transit forever. I am definitely carrying hand sanitizer. Maybe I should take up reading books featured here so that people will socially distance from me. 🙂

    There have been fewer cases of seasonal flu recorded during the Recent Unpleasantness since people wore masks and washed their hands.

    The shots did make me confident enough to get a haircut. It’s a foot shorter just in time for summer. Aaahhhh.

  33. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @GSSxn—Got the first post-COVID haircut last week. Left lots of grey on the floor. Not ready to board a bus, train or plane yet. Good luck to us all.

  34. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @BC: We do not speak of the grey.

    I am sticking with driving for the foreseeable future. I invariably pick up some sort of crud when flying so I am not about to get into a hermetically sealed tube for hours. The buses do have windows you can open, but they take longer than driving so why?

    The haircut places are doing really good business now.

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