Jan 26

That's not an eyepatch. Just too much mascara.Click for full image

Good Show Sir Comments: She be “Jane Arrr!” (Apologies to Charlotte Bronte)
Published 1986

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.11 out of 10)

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32 Responses to “Galaxy Jane”

  1. Bibliomancer Says:

    I’ll bet Boris Vallejo brought in a nude model to paint this. And just added the pirate outfit and eyepatch later.

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Advertising your newest book as by the author of After Things Went Completely To Hell and We’ll Help You Kill Yourself, Dearie may not be the best approach.

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    I feel as though this cover needs a space sheep. Mostly because there’s nothing to look at in the lower half of the cover.

  4. Tom Noir Says:

    I’d walk her plank, if you know what I mean!!!

    Somebody tell me what I mean. Seriously, what does that mean.

  5. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Oh, dear. Tom’s given us a semantically nonsensical statement. I’m afraid there’s nothing to be done but shut down the universe and reboot.

  6. Ray P Says:

    The phrase ‘gravity defying’ certainly comes to one’s mind.

  7. DaveM Says:

    So I see The Great Tyrant’s gotten herself a makover then.

  8. Ray P Says:

    Her cape seems to have acquired its own atmosphere.

  9. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Ray P—I guess that would account for the “wind swept” look since everybody knows that “in space no one can see you toss your hair insouciantly.”

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Something really strange about that gun-toting arm. It seems to have an extra joint below the elbow, and to grow more massive as it approaches us. It may be the most extreme case of “Popeye Arms” I’ve seen here in awhile.

  11. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC: She was the most generically beautiful space pirate in the universe – and the bendiest!

  12. THX 1138 Says:

    There’s an annoying trope: is she firing her gun or is she holding a blowtorch? The “small flame from the muzzle of the blaster even though the owner couldn’t reasonably be shooting at anyone with that pose” cliché is one that needs to be eradicated. Who do I write to?

  13. Bibliomancer Says:

    @THX1138 – It’s not a blaster. It’s a cigarette lighter.

  14. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—in space no one can see you blow smoke rings.

  15. Anna T. Says:

    I would think that the “deadliest” pirate in the universe would know to dress more practically. Someone could shoot her right in her heart, with that outfit. It does look rather pirate-like, though.

    And what is up with her right arm? Did she break it, and it didn’t heal properly?

  16. Alice Says:

    This lady’s body proportions (NSFW) are all out of whack. Her legs are ridiculously long. Perhaps she is being stretched out of shape by the tidal forces of a nearby black hole?

  17. fred Says:

    This means….space pirates have beauty pageants.
    Shouldn’t she be known as Universe Jane?

  18. A.R.Yngve Says:

    “She was the most beautiful space pirate in the universe — and the deadliest — unless you attacked her eyepatch side, where she was practically blind!”

  19. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    How much hair does she have, in gallons?

  20. B. Chiclitz Says:

    She was the most beautiful space pirate in the universe—unless you count Bumella.

  21. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @BC: or Emeraldas.

  22. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Dead Stuff—you’re right, she’s the winner. I think it’s the Heidelberg dueling
    scar across the cheek that takes the prize. Much cooler than an eye-patch or an orb-shaped bum.

  23. Yoss Says:

    I wonder if there’s a first runner-up for the most beautiful space pirate pageant? Like if Jane is unable to fulfill her duties as most beautiful space pirate, someone else steps in. ….Or maybe Jane wasn’t the original winner and she earned the “deadliest” descriptor by bumping off the competition.

  24. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Incidentally, is there a star named Enaj or Enajyxalag?

  25. Bibliomancer Says:

    @BC, DSWBT – My money’s on this lady pirate.

  26. GSS noob Says:

    She’s got Popeye arms and her thighbones seem too long.

    She’s generically pretty, but not outstanding, plus she only has one eye and the weird limbs. This leads me to think that lady space pirates are an average-to-ugly looking sort if she counts as the best. Does this, ipso facto blurbo, mean they also aren’t that deadly?

    And who decides this? Is there a dodgy pageant that selects a new one annually, and the talent competition is raiding spaceships? Does Space People Magazine announce the Most Beautiful Pirate every year? Or do the Space People’s Choice Awards run some kind of interstellar survey? Emeraldas FTW.

  27. JuanPaul Says:

    She was the most beautiful, and the deadliest, and the one with the longest legs, and the reddest hair, and the sexiest eyepatch, and the highest heels, and the tightest spandex, and the best cleavage, and one hell of a cape!

  28. Galaxy Jane Says:

    @GSS lubber. Arr! Avast ye! Mind how ye be speakin’ o’ a’ lady behind her back, or ye’ll find yerself walkin’ the airlock!

    Besides, I’ll have ye scurvy planet-lubbers know I be havin’ two perfectly good deadlights in me head! The eye-patch be but a fashion statement.

    @JuanPaul. Shiver me hull-platin’! Now that be more like it!

  29. Francis Boyle Says:

    I think I’ve solved the gun/arm mystery. Obviously, it’s cybernetic but the USP is that it comes with a special auto-tracking anti-spacecraft mode. Absolutely indispensable in the sort of battles that a beautiful and deadly space pirate is likely to get herself into. Just another great product from those ever-helpful guys at Sirius Cybernetics.

    Spacesuit sold separately (since if you’re beautiful and deadly enough you’re obviously not going to be needing one).

  30. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @FB—I think they’ve changed their name to Suiris Cybernetics.

  31. RachelJ Says:

    @B. Chiclitz. That, of course, was before they were bought out by Noycorp Ltd.

  32. DaveM Says:

    Hmph, I much prefer this lady pirate

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