Advertising your newest book as by the author of After Things Went Completely To Hell and We’ll Help You Kill Yourself, Dearie may not be the best approach.
Something really strange about that gun-toting arm. It seems to have an extra joint below the elbow, and to grow more massive as it approaches us. It may be the most extreme case of “Popeye Arms” I’ve seen here in awhile.
There’s an annoying trope: is she firing her gun or is she holding a blowtorch? The “small flame from the muzzle of the blaster even though the owner couldn’t reasonably be shooting at anyone with that pose” cliché is one that needs to be eradicated. Who do I write to?
I would think that the “deadliest” pirate in the universe would know to dress more practically. Someone could shoot her right in her heart, with that outfit. It does look rather pirate-like, though.
And what is up with her right arm? Did she break it, and it didn’t heal properly?
This lady’s body proportions (NSFW) are all out of whack. Her legs are ridiculously long. Perhaps she is being stretched out of shape by the tidal forces of a nearby black hole?
“She was the most beautiful space pirate in the universe — and the deadliest — unless you attacked her eyepatch side, where she was practically blind!”
@Dead Stuff—you’re right, she’s the winner. I think it’s the Heidelberg dueling
scar across the cheek that takes the prize. Much cooler than an eye-patch or an orb-shaped bum.
I wonder if there’s a first runner-up for the most beautiful space pirate pageant? Like if Jane is unable to fulfill her duties as most beautiful space pirate, someone else steps in. ….Or maybe Jane wasn’t the original winner and she earned the “deadliest” descriptor by bumping off the competition.
She’s got Popeye arms and her thighbones seem too long.
She’s generically pretty, but not outstanding, plus she only has one eye and the weird limbs. This leads me to think that lady space pirates are an average-to-ugly looking sort if she counts as the best. Does this, ipso facto blurbo, mean they also aren’t that deadly?
And who decides this? Is there a dodgy pageant that selects a new one annually, and the talent competition is raiding spaceships? Does Space People Magazine announce the Most Beautiful Pirate every year? Or do the Space People’s Choice Awards run some kind of interstellar survey? Emeraldas FTW.
She was the most beautiful, and the deadliest, and the one with the longest legs, and the reddest hair, and the sexiest eyepatch, and the highest heels, and the tightest spandex, and the best cleavage, and one hell of a cape!
I think I’ve solved the gun/arm mystery. Obviously, it’s cybernetic but the USP is that it comes with a special auto-tracking anti-spacecraft mode. Absolutely indispensable in the sort of battles that a beautiful and deadly space pirate is likely to get herself into. Just another great product from those ever-helpful guys at Sirius Cybernetics.
Spacesuit sold separately (since if you’re beautiful and deadly enough you’re obviously not going to be needing one).
January 26th, 2017 at 12:00 pm
I’ll bet Boris Vallejo brought in a nude model to paint this. And just added the pirate outfit and eyepatch later.
January 26th, 2017 at 12:13 pm
Advertising your newest book as by the author of After Things Went Completely To Hell and We’ll Help You Kill Yourself, Dearie may not be the best approach.
January 26th, 2017 at 1:36 pm
I feel as though this cover needs a space sheep. Mostly because there’s nothing to look at in the lower half of the cover.
January 26th, 2017 at 2:17 pm
I’d walk her plank, if you know what I mean!!!
Somebody tell me what I mean. Seriously, what does that mean.
January 26th, 2017 at 2:25 pm
Oh, dear. Tom’s given us a semantically nonsensical statement. I’m afraid there’s nothing to be done but shut down the universe and reboot.
January 26th, 2017 at 2:31 pm
The phrase ‘gravity defying’ certainly comes to one’s mind.
January 26th, 2017 at 2:35 pm
So I see The Great Tyrant’s gotten herself a makover then.
January 26th, 2017 at 2:35 pm
Her cape seems to have acquired its own atmosphere.
January 26th, 2017 at 3:04 pm
@Ray P—I guess that would account for the “wind swept” look since everybody knows that “in space no one can see you toss your hair insouciantly.”
January 26th, 2017 at 3:04 pm
Something really strange about that gun-toting arm. It seems to have an extra joint below the elbow, and to grow more massive as it approaches us. It may be the most extreme case of “Popeye Arms” I’ve seen here in awhile.
January 26th, 2017 at 3:18 pm
@BC: She was the most generically beautiful space pirate in the universe – and the bendiest!
January 26th, 2017 at 3:27 pm
There’s an annoying trope: is she firing her gun or is she holding a blowtorch? The “small flame from the muzzle of the blaster even though the owner couldn’t reasonably be shooting at anyone with that pose” cliché is one that needs to be eradicated. Who do I write to?
January 26th, 2017 at 3:32 pm
@THX1138 – It’s not a blaster. It’s a cigarette lighter.
January 26th, 2017 at 3:39 pm
@Bibliomancer—in space no one can see you blow smoke rings.
January 26th, 2017 at 3:42 pm
I would think that the “deadliest” pirate in the universe would know to dress more practically. Someone could shoot her right in her heart, with that outfit. It does look rather pirate-like, though.
And what is up with her right arm? Did she break it, and it didn’t heal properly?
January 26th, 2017 at 3:43 pm
This lady’s body proportions (NSFW) are all out of whack. Her legs are ridiculously long. Perhaps she is being stretched out of shape by the tidal forces of a nearby black hole?
January 26th, 2017 at 3:55 pm
This means….space pirates have beauty pageants.
Shouldn’t she be known as Universe Jane?
January 26th, 2017 at 6:00 pm
“She was the most beautiful space pirate in the universe — and the deadliest — unless you attacked her eyepatch side, where she was practically blind!”
January 26th, 2017 at 6:27 pm
How much hair does she have, in gallons?
January 26th, 2017 at 6:33 pm
She was the most beautiful space pirate in the universe—unless you count Bumella.
January 26th, 2017 at 6:48 pm
@BC: or Emeraldas.
January 26th, 2017 at 7:09 pm
@Dead Stuff—you’re right, she’s the winner. I think it’s the Heidelberg dueling
scar across the cheek that takes the prize. Much cooler than an eye-patch or an orb-shaped bum.
January 26th, 2017 at 7:39 pm
I wonder if there’s a first runner-up for the most beautiful space pirate pageant? Like if Jane is unable to fulfill her duties as most beautiful space pirate, someone else steps in. ….Or maybe Jane wasn’t the original winner and she earned the “deadliest” descriptor by bumping off the competition.
January 26th, 2017 at 8:07 pm
Incidentally, is there a star named Enaj or Enajyxalag?
January 26th, 2017 at 8:20 pm
@BC, DSWBT – My money’s on this lady pirate.
January 26th, 2017 at 9:57 pm
She’s got Popeye arms and her thighbones seem too long.
She’s generically pretty, but not outstanding, plus she only has one eye and the weird limbs. This leads me to think that lady space pirates are an average-to-ugly looking sort if she counts as the best. Does this, ipso facto blurbo, mean they also aren’t that deadly?
And who decides this? Is there a dodgy pageant that selects a new one annually, and the talent competition is raiding spaceships? Does Space People Magazine announce the Most Beautiful Pirate every year? Or do the Space People’s Choice Awards run some kind of interstellar survey? Emeraldas FTW.
January 27th, 2017 at 3:16 am
She was the most beautiful, and the deadliest, and the one with the longest legs, and the reddest hair, and the sexiest eyepatch, and the highest heels, and the tightest spandex, and the best cleavage, and one hell of a cape!
January 27th, 2017 at 4:12 am
@GSS lubber. Arr! Avast ye! Mind how ye be speakin’ o’ a’ lady behind her back, or ye’ll find yerself walkin’ the airlock!
Besides, I’ll have ye scurvy planet-lubbers know I be havin’ two perfectly good deadlights in me head! The eye-patch be but a fashion statement.
@JuanPaul. Shiver me hull-platin’! Now that be more like it!
January 27th, 2017 at 12:21 pm
I think I’ve solved the gun/arm mystery. Obviously, it’s cybernetic but the USP is that it comes with a special auto-tracking anti-spacecraft mode. Absolutely indispensable in the sort of battles that a beautiful and deadly space pirate is likely to get herself into. Just another great product from those ever-helpful guys at Sirius Cybernetics.
Spacesuit sold separately (since if you’re beautiful and deadly enough you’re obviously not going to be needing one).
January 27th, 2017 at 3:41 pm
@FB—I think they’ve changed their name to Suiris Cybernetics.
January 27th, 2017 at 3:46 pm
@B. Chiclitz. That, of course, was before they were bought out by Noycorp Ltd.
January 31st, 2017 at 9:04 am
Hmph, I much prefer this lady pirate
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/borderlands/images/4/4d/Profile_Scarlett.jpg