Feb 09
Dinosaur Samurai
Click for full imageDinosaur Warriors
Click for full imageTwo Tiny Claws
Click for full imageDead Stuff With Big Teeth Comments: If you look carefully, you discover it wasn’t penned by Bradbury himself!
Published 1993, 1994, 1999
(Average: 8.59 out of 10)
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February 9th, 2017 at 12:51 pm
In publishing and con artist circles (not that the two are connected in any way!!), this is called “The Old Bait-And-Switch Routine.”
February 9th, 2017 at 12:53 pm
Somewhere — somewhere close — a publisher is trying to sweet-talk J.K. Rowling into signing a lucrative “J.K. Rowling Presents” deal…
February 9th, 2017 at 1:04 pm
1) That dinosaur is not an actual samurai, now, is it? Trades Descriptions Act here we come.
2) I get the feeling this is a short book.
3) No need to get personal, it’s not the size that counts.
February 9th, 2017 at 1:16 pm
‘This is so cool!’
‘This is so stupid.’
February 9th, 2017 at 3:04 pm
Not surprised. Remember, he also signed up for that poorly-conceived
Ray Bradbury After Dark book series.
February 9th, 2017 at 3:17 pm
Death Rides a T-Rex.
February 9th, 2017 at 4:19 pm
The T. rex ridden by Clint should wear a sombrero and have a cheroot in his mouth.
February 9th, 2017 at 4:25 pm
Cover 1: So, yes, there ”is” a samurai, but does the title mean that the T. rex is one as well?
Also, what the hell kind of time travel shenanigans have these people been getting themselves into?
February 9th, 2017 at 5:11 pm
The commissioning process:
Baen call in on Bradbury, who’s a bit short of the readies. They ask if there’s anything of his as yet unadapted or unpublished, or if he has any ideas at all. He mentions this long poem about the moon landing and they demur, mumble, change the subject and look at their watches. An awkward silence later, Ray says ‘I’ve got home movies of my great-nephews Stevie and Johnnie playing with their action-figures’ and shoves on a VHS tape of eight year olds making ‘rarrr’ noises as the dinosaurs and ‘Haaahh’ noises as the samurai. Baen-agent’s eyes light up and they freeze-frame the tape at strategic intervals, making sketches. About four minutes into the clip Brett from next door comes in, breaks the leg of the Samurai doll and puts a cowboy on a T-Rex.
‘We can put your name on it if you want,’ says the Baen agent, trying to keep a straight face as Ray’s innate faith in the goodness of people gets another severe test.
February 9th, 2017 at 5:22 pm
I have two little claws folded snugly and tight
They are tiny and weak yet they know how to fight
Through all the long hours till daylight is through
There are plenty of things for my two claws to do
February 9th, 2017 at 6:36 pm
♬ So hold me closer Tiny Two Claws
Samurai Dinosaur is coming my way ♬
February 9th, 2017 at 7:27 pm
Pity the poor blurb writers under deadline pressure, forced to wreak such havoc on the language they may once have loved and which led them to be English majors. Saying “Old fossils never die” is like saying “Scrambled eggs never break.” Bad enough, as the clock ticks down, to be scrambling, as it were, for a cliché to crib, but then to twist it into something categorically absurd! Ah, humanity!
February 9th, 2017 at 7:43 pm
If all you knew of palaeontology was these book covers, you would be sure that carnivorous dinosaurs were all mouth-breathers.
February 9th, 2017 at 8:49 pm
@DSWBT – These covers make perfect sense if you are a fundamentalist paleontologist and believe the Earth is 6000 years old.
February 9th, 2017 at 9:25 pm
These titles are all good fun, but they can’t hold a candle to John Belushi as samurai:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhrzUVBhrLQ
February 9th, 2017 at 11:20 pm
@DSWBT – I laughed for a good little while at that mouth-breather comment. Good Show indeed!
February 10th, 2017 at 3:13 am
@THX 1138 – you beat everyone to it…I see a dinosaur VS a samurai.
Two Tiny Claws – What a terrible name for a cover this eye-catching. That’s like if a story was about a ninja jump-kicking the Loch Ness Monster and it was called “Four Sleek Flippers.” Focus on what’s important, please! The alt text is a much better candidate…
February 10th, 2017 at 4:58 am
Is the third one actually part of the series? It doesn’t have Ray’s name all over it, and is obviously BAEN! while the others are some other publisher.
That last one — shouldn’t it be Four Tiny Claws in total? Did T. tex suffer some sort of tragic limb loss? I do only see one arm. Of course, that’s nowt compared to the way they’ve drawn it standing upright. And I swear the rider’s a bearded lady. There appear to be chesticles.
Perhaps the one-armed dinosaur and the lady with the hormonal condition have teamed up to ride the range for revenge (ooh, that’s a better strap line than the original) against those who so cruelly teased them.
Would read the first book if it was Belushi’s samurai.
Needs “t-shirt and blue jeans” tag for the second.
raaarrr!
February 10th, 2017 at 6:06 am
The dinosaur warrior on the second book cover looks like it’s wearing a piece of lunch meat draped over its head.
February 10th, 2017 at 6:16 am
The first cover’s ‘dinosaur’ looks like a bit of mouth has been torn away.
February 10th, 2017 at 8:31 am
The first two are part of a 6 book series (books 2 & 4 respectively) that starts off where Bradbury’s classic short story “A sound of thunder” leaves off and were pretty much created to cash in on the 2004 film (which bombed badly). The first book in the series (Dinosaur World) was reviewed on Schlock Value and found to be surprisingly good (or surprisingly not bad) though. https://schlock-value.com/2015/05/31/dinosaur-world/
As for the third cover, close inspection reveals the cowboy isn’t so much trying to ride the T-Rex as strangle it to death with a lasso. At least that explains Rex’s expression.
February 10th, 2017 at 8:44 am
@DaveM: Two tiny claws are no match for one medium lasso?
That review of the first book says it’s from 1992, though, not associated with the terrible movie. And the Amazon review of “Dinosaur Samurai” is from 1998. The covers of the others are also different — maybe there was a reissue to coincide with the movie? Because that first cover does look damn 90’s.
The third one is merely unrelated Baenanity. It also has aliens, of course.
February 10th, 2017 at 1:25 pm
All three books were inspired by a child’s mash up of his action figures.
February 10th, 2017 at 11:04 pm
@JuanPaul: As is at least 73% of Baen cover art.
Raarrrr! waves toys around Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.
February 11th, 2017 at 3:43 am
@GSS ex-noob, did some checking and you are quite correct, the series was created in the 90’s and then re-issued in 2004 to coincide with the alleged movie. Supplies of sackcloth & ashes have been ordered so I may atone for the almost unknown crime of being wrong on the internet. 🙂
Oddly enough despite being drawn like an Enid Blyton cover (“Five go time travelling”?), the second cover may just be accurate. The series apparently does focus on the actions of two plucky teenagers who do find themselves at odds with intelligent tribal dinosaurs as some points.
February 11th, 2017 at 1:05 pm
Goodness! I submitted these covers, yet I didn’t notice on #2 that the Carnotorobrachiopachycephalosaurus” teeth go back to its ears!
February 12th, 2017 at 1:28 am
“Old Fossils Never Die…” Well, that’s because they already DID, ain’t it so?
(And of course “_______ Presents” usually’s a clue ________ had little or nothing to do with the content)
February 12th, 2017 at 2:00 am
@DaveM, you have done the even more rare “politely admitting you were wrong on the internet”, which is almost never seen.
I still don’t know what the things on the dinos’ heads are in #2. They’re not that intelligent about fashion, for sure.
February 13th, 2017 at 2:21 am
The Mermaid Conspiracy continues!
This one’s free (to lure in the unsuspecting), aimed at younger readers (ditto), and written by a Creationist.
https://www.amazon.com/Legend-Mer-Short-History-Mermaids-ebook/dp/B01NAURKAS/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
Where are the noble were-Chihuahua publishers when we need them?
February 13th, 2017 at 11:56 am
It seems that the new American Secretary of State is named Rex…what could this mean?
February 14th, 2017 at 6:04 am
DSWBT: Temperatures and civilization about to reach the same level as the Cretaceous?
February 14th, 2017 at 11:32 am
@GSS Orthodontist: I’ll get my floppy hat ready.
March 1st, 2017 at 12:06 am
1. NEWHAVEN – LEHAVRE
GETAWAY TO THE CONTINENT
March 1st, 2017 at 9:41 am
@GSS ex-noob #29 I can’t open the sample, but I will bet you anything that the “Mer” in the title “Legend of the Mer” is the author’s collective noun for mermaids.
March 2nd, 2017 at 3:18 am
I am absolutely certain it is, too.
You probably saved yourself some brain hurts not reading any of it.