Mar 07

Frostbite on MarsClick for full image

Good Show Sir Comments: And he’s in a hurry to get to where exactly?

Published 1957

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 4.94 out of 10)

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38 Responses to “First on Mars”

  1. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @GSS: in answer to your question; why, Venus, of course!

  3. Bibliomancer Says:

    A five-wheeled bicycle like that doesn’t work on Earth.

  4. Tom Noir Says:

    Lance Armstrong went to greater and greater lengths to avoid awkward questions about doping.

  5. Ray P Says:

    If only it was a penny-farthing. No-one tell him he actually has landed in Yemen..

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Who’s on first on Mars?

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    By the time the second guy gets to Mars, they may have developed a bike with a motor.

  8. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Do you think he climbed up to the top of his wrecked space cruiser to plant that flag or do you think it’s been there since lift off?

  9. JuanPaul Says:

    If he gets attacked by the infamous pizza-beasts of Mars, he’ll be eating pepperoni with extra cheese in no time.

  10. JuanPaul Says:

    @bc #8. It’s like one of those kids’ bikes in the 70’s with a banana seat and pennant flag…Baseball cards in the spokes, etc.

  11. Raoul Says:

    Thank God the tank of nitrous oxide survived the crash! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

  12. THX 1138 Says:

    The title of course refers to the tarantula, who beat this guy to it.

  13. fred Says:

    Great movie, even w/o the bicycle. But they did kill Batman.

  14. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Meccano — the toy for children of all ages!

  15. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @JuanPaul (10)—poor guy, that Erector Set® bike doesn’t even come with spoked wheels for those vroom-vroom baseball cards.

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    By the way, this is the “complete and unabridged” Rex Gordon, not that second rate Rx Grdn.

  17. Anna T. Says:

    I’m amazed he’s not freezing to death because he’s not wearing a full spacesuit. Such is the logic of antique SF book covers.

  18. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @6 BC: Who’s first on Mars. What’s first on Jupiter. I don’t know’s first on Pluto because we’re not sure if it’s a planet or not.

    @8 BC: why do you think it crashed? Too much drag!

  19. Yoss Says:

    Inside of every fat font, there’s a skinny font trying to get out.

  20. Tat Wood Says:

    Wasn’t he in Sonic Youth?

  21. THX 1138 Says:

    I want to know who the poor soul draped across the back of his contraption is. Was there a squabble over the last three course meal pill?

  22. JuanPaul Says:

    “Run for the hills folks, or you’ll be up to your armpits in Martians!”

  23. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.

  24. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @THX 1138—well, if he’s the “Robinson Crusoe of the Red Planet,” that must be Friday there in the back.

    And for GSS Catholics now deeply ensconced in Lent, I guess he’d be the “First Friday” on Mars.

  25. Tat Wood Says:

    First on Mars, then in more built-up areas, people have been switching to the new halitosis-powered mopeds, the Pogue from Tesla.

  26. Ray P Says:

    Feyd-rautha Harkonnen claims this dune-world.

  27. Tat Wood Says:

    @Ray P.: How does he cycle with a flying-wing jockstrap?

  28. Ray P Says:

    A master of prana-bindu yoga can perform unearthly physical feats.

  29. Tat Wood Says:

    @Ray P.: Kull wahad!

  30. GSS ex-noob Says:

    26-29: brilliant.

    @Anna T: Even more puzzlingly, he appears to have a full spacesuit in the cargo area of his pizza cutter bike.

    Unless… that’s a dead body, salvaged from the crashed spaceship. Mr. First On Mars has been flagging and looting later ships. It would explain why his transportation is so odd; he’s built it out of spare parts from wrecks.

  31. JuanPaul Says:

    Okay, since no one else is addressing the elephant in the room: What the f–k are those pink hairy things all over the ground???

  32. Francis Boyle Says:


    I thought the artist was going for really small craters but the one above the authors name is undeniably a spider. Now I have the irresistible urge to check the inside cover for the inscription “Property of David Jones aged 10½”.

  33. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @JP: perhaps those are eccrine sweat glands and, owing to a cosmic mix-up, our hero has landed on the surface of Mars the god.

  34. JuanPaul Says:

    @dswbt I knew the answer would be disgusting

  35. HappyBookworm Says:

    @GSS ex-noob – I, too, wondered why this guy doesn’t put on what looks like a real space suit if he’s got one…trying to look tough? My second thought was to wonder why his very thin metal wheels aren’t cutting deep furrows in the ground…

  36. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @HappyBookworm: Could be earlier speculation is correct and the bike doesn’t actually move. It’s just parked there and he’s sitting on it, maybe posing for a tough-guy photo, maybe saying “vroom vroom!”

  37. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The sequels SECOND ON MARS and THIRD ON MARS flopped.

  38. A.R.Yngve Says:

    But where did the other crewmembers go…?
    Well… this was also the “Donner Party” of the Red Planet.

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