Jan 23

Published in 69, heh-heh

Who you callin yucky monster?

Click for larger image

It’s a Two-fer Tuesday – Virgin Planet special!

Good Show Sir Comments:

#1 It says “Cover design Lester, Larkin & Divers” on back cover. Took a three-man team to design an arse cover.

#2 OK lady but if you’ve never seen a man you’re setting your expectations up a little high.

Published 1969, 2000

Thanks to Raoul for sending one in! You might remember this from here and here.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.40 out of 10)

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23 Responses to “Virgin Planet”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    1: You think you’d be safe from prying eyes in the shower, wouldn’t you?

    2: Oh, it’s a comedy novel now, is it? Such versatility!

  2. Bibliomancer Says:

    1. “I want my name branded right on that sweet ass!” – Poul Anderson, probably

    2. Space Chicken and Beefcake.

  3. JuanPaul Says:

    #1 Is this the first ever tramp stamp?

    #2 The bird is shouting “hammer time!”

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    #1. No wonder she’s a virgin with eczema like that.

    #2. Boy, are you on the wrong planet Mr Gay Nazi Pornstar.

  5. Ray P Says:

    #1 Taken from The Joy of Sex? Did Philip Larkin work on this when not computerizing Hull University library?
    #2 A more risque version of He-man and Masters of the Universe.

  6. fred Says:

    1. Norma Bates about to shock the audience.

    2. A roc on a rock and yet another spaceman in jodhpurs.

  7. Leak Says:

    1. Polka Dot Measles

    2. BJ Blazkowicz – The Early Dungeon & Dragons Years

  8. B.Chiclitz Says:

    1. Can’t top @Bibliomancer there.

    2. Why does she have embossed nipples on her breastplate? For that matter, why does he have embossed nipples on his breastplate?

  9. Tor Mented Says:

    1. They couldn’t be arsed to do a decent cover. (I know that’s lame, but I don’t get a chance to use UK slang very often.)

    ♫ Like a virgin
    Planet where they use Muscle Gain.
    Like a virgin
    With a cover
    Made by Baen.

  10. Tat Wood Says:

    1.I do hope that IS just water…

    2. Their idea of ‘a man’ derived from old videos of Bernie Clifton.

  11. B.Chiclitz Says:

    @Tor—delicately effective use of enjambment there. Good Show, Sir.

  12. Tor Mented Says:

    B.Chiclitz: Exactly. I just jam them syllable in wherever they fit.

  13. Raoul Says:

    Another cover:

    “Say hello to my little friend!”

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    As I said last time this one showed up (and IIRC linked to the BAEN!whatever yucky sound male and female pectorals make version), there’s no good cover for this book. The one with the odd trousers and many Spock eyebrow ladies is probably the best, yikes.

    I’m sure I’ve read this story but don’t recall it. Presumably the bird-critter is transportation in it. Birdy seems to get the best efforts of the artists.

    The rocket in #2 is an odd shape for a generic finned sci-fi spaceship. Rather squat and nobbly, which implies… ahem. Perhaps it’s all the rage in gay Nazi porn (and are we surprised that Baen! (etc.) has an Aryan cover boy)?

    #1: That’s shot through oil. At least I hope so, and there wasn’t actually that much mineral oil around the damsel’s bare skin. Talk about yucky.

    In all of these, the naughty bits of the person seem rather undefined. Even the manbum on the one Raoul found.

    I guess it’s a good or at least popular book to have so many reprints with so many different covers.

    @Tor: Good Show Sir!

  15. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @TagW: I feel that there ought to be more tags relating to ridiculous pieces/kinds of armor that would apply to her in #2. Along with her helmet from ancient Grome mixed with her pseudo-Native American feather earrings.

  16. Francis Boyle Says:

    Little known fact: that spaceship was originally designed for Flesh Gordon but was rejected for being a little too purple and nobbly.

  17. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Francis: I’ve seen “Flesh Gordon” more than once, and I think you’re right.

  18. Hammy Says:

    @Francis (#16) & GSS-xn(#17)…

    But have you seen “Flesh Gordon vs. The Cosmic Cheerleaders” (I think that’s the title)?

    Then again, no virgins in that flick.

  19. A.R.Yngve Says:

    They had never seen a man – but they knew that this fascinatingly yucky monster of a Hollywood producer wasn’t one!

  20. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Hammy (18): Maybe?

    @ARY (19): Ooh, been weeks since we had a Harvey joke! That first cover really looks like his speed.

  21. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Stay tuned for the VIRGIN PLANET HOLIDAY SPECIAL, with a cast of stars!
    – Channing Tatum as Beefcake Guy!
    – Julianne Moore as Amazon Queen!
    – Paul Giamatti as the voice of Ostrich!
    Featuring the hit song “I Lost My Heart To a Starship Beefcake”!

  22. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @ARY: Even Tatum at his beefiest isn’t this bicep-y. Or as Aryan. This is rather more late 80s Dolph Lundgren.

    So I guess it could be a special in the 1980s. Don’t know who we’d have for Amazon Queen back then, but maybe Charles Nelson Reilly as voice of Ostrich.

  23. jrdelirio Says:

    This book just attracts odd covers, doesn’t it…

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