May 10

I'm Givin' Her All She's Got, Captain!Click for larger image

Tom Noir Comments: “Ohhh yes. She CAN take more of this, captain, if ye take my meaning!”
Published 1999

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.38 out of 10)

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23 Responses to “The Privateer”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    “Bump your head on this!”

  2. Leak Says:

    “Baen me up, Scotty!”

  3. Bibliomancer Says:

    It’ll never fit.

  4. fred Says:

    So, does Mr. Scott dock with shields up or down?

  5. JuanPaul Says:

    This is why you should never let Scotty near the holodeck.

  6. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Points for realism, at least. That is exactly the expression I’ve seen on people after they’ve been smashed in the face with a couple of asteroids.

  7. Francis Boyle Says:

    Nope, no phallic symb. . . (wait I think I’ve said that before).

  8. MakkaPakka Says:

    How do you pronounce “Prtheivateer”?

  9. Anna T. Says:

    Someone ought to warn the crew of that ship to look out for the giant, vaguely smug-looking British man with a moustache who’s been sighted in the area. (I know it doesn’t say he’s a Brit, but his moustache and facial expression give me that general impression.)

  10. Tat Wood Says:

    @Anna T: You have been reported to the Ethnic Caricature Standards Authority for misrepresenting Canadian hams who sound about as Scottish as Nelson Mandela.

    The smugness, hair and moustache clearly belong to someone from California c.1956*, usually a tycoon, in either a Douglas Sirk weepie or as the real murderer in ‘Perry Mason’.

    (*or San Francisco in 1976 for different reasons).

  11. JuanPaul Says:

    That’s no asteroid, that’s a space haggis!

  12. Hammy Says:

    In the immortal words of George Carlin, “ya don’t have to be Fellini to figure this one out!”

  13. GSS ex-noob Says:

    All I can say about this is: BAEN! all possible noises
    With obligatory orange block font.

    I had a copy of this once upon a time; IIRC I either got it used, read it, and then it left the house, or else I borrowed it and it went back. Point is, I read it but didn’t keep it. Because of this cover.

    Oh wait, on second thought, I read the first one, not this. Cover is less wink wink, nudge nudge, no Scotty smirk. But almost equally bad otherwise, with a shuriken of sale price and a red border.

    Third cover is much the same, minus some background business and plus a giant bug person posing with Scotty.

    So this one’s the worst, but among a lot of bad.

    @Tat: That mustache is too outre to have been on Perry Mason, even on the murderer.

    @MakkaPakka: Good eye! Now I’m also wondering. As well as wondering why “The” is even in there — title doesn’t need it, esp. so stupidly.

  14. Bruce A Munro Says:

    SPOILERS: Scotty’s giant ectoplasmic head does not, in fact, appear in this story.

  15. Tat Wood Says:

    Hang on… cheesy moustache, ‘Privateer’, unofficial TV tie-in… this is ‘Shoestring’ fanfic, isn’t it?

  16. RachelJ Says:

    Och, this series agin! Ah weel mind th’ foremaist book. Shall I hunt doon some sample chaipters o’ this yin?

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Hey! Why doesn’t this cover include an EQUALLY sized photo of S.M.Stirling? Bloody favoritism!

  18. Anna T. Says:

    @Tat Wood: Well, he could be Canadian . . . but so am I, and he doesn’t come off that way to me.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Anna T: Doohan was Canadian.

  20. Yoss Says:

    Is the “once you see it” in reference to the suggestive spaceship docking or the stealth cat head by Scotty’s left ear?

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Yoss: Both? But I think it should be Orson the cat disguised as an asteroid, being much more difficult to spot than the obvious docking.

  22. Tom Noir Says:

    @Tag Wizard: GXN is right! This needs an Orson tag!

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Yoss spotted it first. That’s a cut-and-paste Stealth Orson if ever I saw one. Just put his furry face front and center disguised as an asteroid.

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