May 02

No, not BrigadoonClick for larger image

Murray Comments: There is just so much going on wrong here.

Published 1931

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.13 out of 10)

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21 Responses to “Brigands of the Moon”

  1. THX 1139 Says:

    It takes three to Tango.

  2. THX 1139 Says:

    Australian Rules Lambada?

  3. JuanPaul Says:

    There’s a brand new dance and it’s called The Turtle 🐢

  4. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Creepiest looking Boy Scout I’ve ever seen. Don’t know if those boots make him seem a little less, or a little more, frightening. At any rate, judging by the angle of the falling gun, somebody’s about to lose a kneecap.

  5. fred Says:

    The flipped Moon egg-O is a nice subtle touch.
    If that is a mere brigand I wonder how awesomely bad a Pirate of the Moon is dressed.

  6. Bibliomancer Says:

    Other books in the “Brigands” series:

    Scofflaws of Mars
    Ne’er-do-wells of Jupiter
    Wastrels of Venus


    Flow My Tears, the Blackguard Said

  7. Tat Wood Says:

    Right in the ging-gang-goolies.

    I presume that the plural in the title makes the small blue submariners the brigands and that we’re supposed to be rooting for the Lone Ranger-Scout. The tiny woman is, therefore, hoping to see his woggle.

  8. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It seems this book has been in the public domain pretty much since the day it was published. There appear to be numerous sites where one can download it for free. Here’s one with a different cover, just as bad, but a little less creepy.

  9. Bibliomancer Says:

    @BC – That blurb is a hot mess:

    Gregg Haljan was aware that there was a certain danger in having the giant spaceship Planetara stop off at the moon to pick up Grantline’s special cargo of moon ore. For that rare metal — invaluable in keeping Earth’s technology running — was the target of many greedy eyes. But nevertheless he hadn’t figured on the special twist the clever Martian brigands would use. So when he found both the ship and himself suddenly in their hands, he knew that there was only one way in which he could hope to save that cargo and his own secret — that would be by turning space-pirate himself and paying the Brigands of the Moon back in their own interplanetary coin.

    That “moon ore” reference makes this sound dated. Should have used some modern sci-fi lingo like “unobtainium” in Avatar.

    They’re not “Martian brigands”. They’re “Martian scofflaws”. Like the previous title in the series. Get your jackanapes straight.

  10. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @ B’Mancer—Not only the blurb, but as you can well imagine the text itself is a real hoot. As the novel opens, our protagonist Gregg Haljan and his scrappy sidekick Dan “Snap” Dean are being grilled by the Big Brass about who spilled the beans on the Grantline Moon Expedition:

    “If you lads have told anyone–said anything–let _slip_ the slightest hint about it….”

    Snap smiled with relief; but he turned solemn at once. “I haven’t. Not a word!”

    “Nor have I!” I declared.

    [. . .]

    “You’re sure? A girl of Venus, perhaps, with her cursed, seductive lure! A chance word, with you lads befuddled by alcolite?”

    Ah, those cursed Venusian seductresses befuddling good Earth lads with alcolite. And I love that “Nor have I!” Such realistic speech! Small wonder at the disclaimer:

    “Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the copyright on this publication was renewed.”

  11. anon Says:

    by Y. Arming Scum

  12. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Does “font problems” apply to a book of this age? Because that’s the perfect typeface for 1932. Art Deco classic.

    Although the author’s name, I can’t say the same for… that y-R connection is just ridiculous considering there aren’t any other swirly bits like that.

    @Tag: aren’t the non-brigands wearing jumpsuits? Or all-over stretchy leotards, back when they were wool (ick), before we had double-knit and spandex.

    And the art, well…

    The big guy seems to be another species entirely. He’s much larger than the other two. Even if the one he’s hoisting is a teen, look at the difference in head size between him and the other two.

    I can’t figure out what the hell has gone on to get the sidekick into that position. It really does look like a sexy dance. I think @THX is correct, it’s Aussie (or Moon) Rules Lambada. Like, “Ooh, big sexy muscled brigand, take me away from uncomfortable leotards and Whitey McAryanface!” swoon

    Even in the 30’s, feet were hard to draw. Seriously, look at the size of yon brigand and tell me how his giant feet fit in those short booties (attn. @Tag).

    @Tat: I hadn’t considered that angle. Boy Scouts are much more swashbuckling in the future. But I’m with you on the toggle. Ahem. Are zap guns hair-trigger? Eh, in pulps, everything was hair-trigger, so you’re right; big guy’s gonna lose a kneecap or else the beam’s going to go through the thighs of both of them and the cape.

    @fred, B’man, anon: GSS!
    I continue to be impressed with @anon’s picking the perfect anagrams. Why are we arming scum, indeed?

    @B’mancer: So the Brigands are actually Martian and they and the Earthmen just happen to be on the Moon? Paying a visit for nefarious purposes doesn’t change their planetary citizenship! Even the title is a mess.

    @B.Chic: So this cover is actually better than the novel deserves.

    Methinks “Snap” has a secret. Never affected by sultry Venus girls b/c Snap is really a straight girl! Just look at the art.

    Of course they wouldn’t let women into space service in this future, so cross-dressing was her only hope to work on spaceships. And right there in the text, Snap says, “my private life will remain my own.”


  13. Tag Wizard Says:

    @gssXn – IMO everyone here is wearing a strapping outfit.

  14. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tag: but those are definitely booties. Not boots, they’re too small for what his feet ought to be.

  15. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Bibliomancer: don’t forget “Bounders of Titan” and “Ruffians of Mercury.”

    @B. Chiclitz: “Her lure?” Is that grammatically correct? I somehow imagine the Venusian woman hypnotizing them with an anglerfish-type lure growing out her forrhead. And “alcolite?” While smoking “cigarretium”, perhaps?

    @GSS Ex-noob: that _is_ a distinctive typeface. I initially thought this was an ER Burroughs work on the basis of the typeface and the Brigand’s outfit.

    The brigands are Martians, so they might actually be a different species, larger and smaller-footed than terrestrials. Or perhaps if they’re Martians of terrestrial ancestry they grow ’em bigger in lower gravity, while Martian men must submit to foot-binding to satisfy the lusts of the Martian women.

    Pirates of the Spanish Main were often of English rather than Main origin.

    If that is Dan, he does look rather feminine, but he may be wearing jodhpur-type pants, therefore exaggerating his posterior. And either that Martian is remarkably tough or Dan is remarkably feeble: it doesn’t take much force to do harm if you’re punching someone in the throat. (At least that’s what it looks like to me: the fingers don’t seem to be well positioned for stranglin’)

    (Really, that’s a “struggling damsel in distress” pose if I ever saw one. Perhaps the artist didn’t know how to do an SF cover without a damsel in distress, so he had Dan fill in as the closest thing he had).

  16. Hammy Says:

    That *is* a weird-looking tuchas on whoever is struggling with Mr. Boy-Scout-with-dim-expression. Or maybe “Snap” carries a moneybag and Mr. Brigand is reaching around to filch it.

    This artwork reminds me of that cover from one of the ERB Barsoom novels. You know the one…

  17. B. Chiclitz Says:

    Mopes of Miranda

  18. Raoul Says:

    Rapscallions of Uranus

  19. drlemaster Says:

    It’s like M.C. Escher choreographed the fight scene.

  20. Anna T. Says:

    What is going on with their waists?

    I’ve been looking for several minutes and I still don’t know.

  21. Tracy Says:

    They’re dancing the lambada!

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