Jul 26

Queen of the MilfsClick for larger image

Max Bathroom Comments: “I’m so eighties retro even my parrot has a new wave hairdo.”

Published 1987

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.93 out of 10)

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20 Responses to “The Jade Demons Quartet”

  1. A. R. Yngve Says:

    “The official novelization of the KORG Synth machine!”

  2. Cornelius Says:

    Warning: Strapping your big magical stick to your upper arm can limit the amount you can wave it around, but can give you a longer neck.

  3. fred Says:

    Branch on a leash. You don’t see that every day.

  4. Francis Boyle Says:

    I bet this went down a treat with the arm-fetish community. Not so much with the we-want-our-book-covers-to-make-a-modicum-of-sense community.

  5. THX 1139 Says:


  6. Tor Mented Says:

    (mellow voice) “You’re listening to the smooth sounds of the Jade Demon Quartet here on WGSS. Tonight we’re digging the solo work of Jada Pinkett Smith. She achieved a remarkable atonal progression when her bonk stick hit the end of its tether, snapped back and smacked the sh!t out of her new-wave budgie.”

  7. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It seems the only way to get some people to take the vaccine is to put the syringe on the end of a stick, chain it to their arm, and wait for them to jab themselves.

    NEW-WAVE BUDGIE: Keep that thing away from me. I’m not a bat!

  8. Leak Says:

    @Cornelius: forget the stick – is it just me, or has she tied the end of one of her sideburn braids to that bird?

    Baaad idea if it ever starts pining for the fjords…

  9. Ryan Says:

    Wow, what a cover. So orange it could run for President.

    She had better hope she never has the fingers on her left hand bend back, or that ring is going to provide her with some fierce lacerations.

    Also, is it my imagination, or do both her bosoms point hard right?

    This is my first experience with falconry depictions where the bird of prey has a forked tongue, so that is neat.

    For some reason the choker she is wearing makes me think that she possesses a selection of interchangeable heads, and by merely unbuckling the choker she can choose the best one for the occasion.

    So she spent all this cash on a fine leather choker, matching wrist-bands, and the afore-mentioned stick-leash, but she uses a rope as a belt? Come on, even on a world apparently comprised of icing sugar this makes little sense.

  10. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I am relatively certain I saw this on MTV back in the day. At least the woman. But the background wasn’t so awful.

    @Ryan: Maybe the stick and her boobs are both magnetized?

  11. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Cornelius: if you need your Magic Stick to fight demons, you probably don’t want to accidentally drop it while waving it around too vigorously.

    If you’re selling something as the Jade Demons quartet, shouldn’t you put a Jade Demon somewhere on the cover? The original release put Demons front and center on three of four covers:

    It’s like they’re embarrassed about them or something.

  12. GSS ex-noob Says:

    The only Jade (possibly) to be seen here is all the drippy stuff in the background.

    Maybe the Demons got turned into partially burned candles by The Magic Stick of the Leash, with help from The Budgie of the New Wave.

  13. Max Bathroom Says:

    If you think the bondage gear/rope belt mismatch looks daft, consider that she’s wearing legwarmers and biker boots with her tunic, which is why the cover only shows her from the waist up.

  14. Tor Mented Says:

    @Ryan: And if she shakes her head too vigorously, she’s going to stab herself with her earrings. This woman is a series of self-inflicted wounds waiting to happen.
    On the enlarged view, I just noticed … um … something dropping from the hindquarters of the new-wave budgie.

  15. Ryan Says:

    @Tor: I thought that was the end of her slim pony tail, but maybe the new-wave budgie has an intestinal parasite, also orange.

  16. GSS ex-noob Says:

    The orange thing below the New Wave budgie is the end of her pony tail braid, but the slimmer dark thing below looks to be an antenna atop one of the towers.

    Not that it matters, if the woman moves at all, there’s going to be flesh wounds at minimum, which is liable to be dangerous around a beastie with a beak like that.

  17. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Maybe she needs blood to work Fell Magic and she wants to make sure she has a ready supply? (If all else fails, the Budgie can bite her.)

    “the slimmer dark thing below looks to be an antenna atop one of the towers.”

    The Jade Demons most fearsome creation: television!

  18. Hammy Says:

    I think she was an amateur boxer at some time in the recent past and took one too many blows to the nose….

  19. Tat Wood Says:

    ” It must have been love, but it’s O-O-O-Over now…”

  20. Emster Says:

    1987? Well, that explains everything tacky about this cover!

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