Mar 09

Nothing can survive a strike from my ponytail!Click for full image

A collection of fantasy stories? Well I know what they’ll want. A huge barbarian with a ponytail swinging his axe at randomly placed wood. Hmm, you’re right, needs thickened out. Throw a stereotype wizard/fireball combination in there and some damsel with a sword.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.45 out of 10)

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25 Responses to “Masters of Fantasy”

  1. Simon Says:

    Traincrash lettering aside – Frazetta, where are you when we need you?

  2. SI Says:

    Yea, I mean we can’t even make out a visible bum crack on that women back there.

    I’m also not sure one can twist that way.

  3. James Lovegrove Says:

    “With a careless swipe of his double-headed axe, Dongor the Overenthusiastic managed to slice his own torso in half.”

  4. little mi Says:

    Wow! ‘…fans of the genre will welcome these new outings.’

    I love outings…will there be sandwiches or should I bring my own thermos?

  5. CSA Says:

    Maybe if you had a ThunderCats thermos and a Transformers lunchbox you might get away with it. But only if the outing was in a bus. More precisely, a yellow bus.

    I really hope that cover came with a pair of 3D glasses, it’s too perfect not to be in 3D.

  6. Ron Obvious Says:

    “Masters of Fantasy”? That’s stretching the definition of both those words to the breaking point. A more accurate title: “Hacks of Cliche.”

  7. Adam Roberts Says:

    I think the University of London should offer a ‘Masters of Fantasy’ programme. You’d end up with the letters ‘M.F.’ after your name, which could only be good.

  8. Adam Roberts Says:

    Also, shame on you, Good Show Sir commentators, for mocking the physically deformed fellow in the front! Such people are underrepresented in Heroic Fantasy art. Diversity should be celebrated. Although he’s not so much a hunchback, as a bizarrely over-muscled hunchside.

  9. SI Says:

    If a Masters of Fantasy program ever exists… I’m right there.

    And you are right Adam. We should be ashamed of ourselves.

    Hunchside… hehehehe

  10. Nix Says:

    Obligatory Pratchett quote: “I’ve never been at large. I’ve always been at hunched.”

    (You just need to make the characters fifty years older and the stonework more ornate and it would be a relatively not-awful cover for _Interesting Times_. But anyone who didn’t get Hamish in his lethal wheelchair in there would be wasting a cover…)

  11. April Says:

    I’m almost certain that this picture was lifted from the front of a 2nd edition AD&D player’s guide.

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:


  13. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    I have the horrible feeling that that ripped barbarian in front is a lady, not a dude.

  14. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    “Hojo – toh – OHHHH – NNNOOO!! “

  15. Muttley Says:

    Possibly a bad impression of a Pratchett-ficton-dwarf-lady. Er, without the beard.

    No, no, it just doesn’t work.

    The only explanation that fits is that he’s Mr. Apollo.

    You know – – –

    Five years ago I was a four-stone apology…
    Today I am two separate gorillas!

    That torso can’t be linked to the legs by any kind of regular human anatomy.

  16. Ethan Says:

    Masters of Fantasy eh… I’m really interested in reading a story by this “more” bloke

  17. FéaröfMüsic Says:

    @Tag Wizard: Sir, third solid candidate for a weird pecs tag. I believe this provides ample evidence to support your most excellent idea.

  18. Tom Noir Says:

    Nothing captures reader excitement like a good quote from ‘School Library Journal’!

  19. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Blurb Quote: “…fans of the genre will welcome these new outings.”
    Finally! Who’s being outed in this book? Will the truth about Conan’s “male friend” be revealed? Are we going to be honest about Elric’s Spa and Sauna Club? They’re naming names, people!

  20. Tat Wood Says:

    It’s called “Masters of Fantasy” but three of the five authors whose names are being dangled in front of us on the cover are women.

  21. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Yeah, Tat, but if the title read “Masters & Mistresses of Fantasy”… kinda clunky, no?
    I suggest the non-discriminatory title CHAMPIONS OF FANTASY… or even better, AUTHORS OF DISTINCTION IN FANTASY… or SUPER FRIENDS OF FANTASY…
    [The men in white coats arrive]

  22. anon Says:

    @Tat Wood: Yeah, that’d go over well: Mistresses of Fantasy.

    Weber Drake, Lackey Norton: Moon more

    *surprise vagpunch*

  23. Hammy Says:

    “Moon More” *what?* Or is that *who?*

  24. Tat Wood Says:

    @ARY, Anon: it’s not quite as clunky as the honest title would have been – ‘Fantasy Authors Not Ashamed to Write for BAEN’. Or maybe ‘The Best We Could Get Without Kompromat’.

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I am stunned by the barbarian’s pose. He looks like a doll with a ball joint waist that swivels over too far, and a head that does the same. It’s another case of raiding the toybox for models.

    And rampant font abuse. The ‘w’ in Fawcett especially annoys me. It’s backwards.

    @Tat: Too true.

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