Mar 25

No! That isn't how you use chopsticks!Click for full image

What if we go for something that’s kind of a cross between art and an eighties music video? We’ll have flaming eye balls and some women with retro make-up playing with her magical sticks. Then just pack any text at the top and if we can, make it like an ancient scroll banner. Classy.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.63 out of 10)

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31 Responses to “Beyond Wizardwall”

  1. Simon Says:

    My eyes . . . they burn! No really, they do.

  2. Adam Roberts Says:

    For Behold! I wield the mighty Cotton Bud of Balefire!

  3. SI Says:

    I don’t want to alarm that man. But he seems to have a women growing out of the back of his head.

  4. James Lovegrove Says:

    She’s knitting! Knitting wispy-shine magic from swirling eye-fire hair! With The Crow’s eye makeup on! Why can no one see that this makes perfect sense?

  5. Simon Says:

    James has been channeling early period Genesis again. I’m sure those lines are from a song on side 2 (side 2 – how quaint) of Nursery Crymes.

  6. Adam Roberts Says:

    Nursery Cryme, not ‘Crymes’! Tch! Don’t you know anything?

  7. Adam Roberts Says:

    And the correct lyric is: ‘they called him the man with farting eyes …’

  8. Simon Says:

    Now we know who edits the editors.

  9. Ron Obvious Says:

    Looks like Michael Jackson at a somber Halloween party.

  10. CSA Says:

    I like aswell how the text isn’t even centered. Its definately slightly to the left. I’m not sure why this offends me as much as the dude vomiting flame from his eyes.

  11. Vario Says:

    It helps if you sing this like ACDC:
    She was a rock-n-roll HAIR STYLiisssst, eEEEyyyyeaaaAH
    She was a rock-n-roll HAIR STYLissssst, eeeeeeeeyaaaaaaaaaaaaah

  12. JustinLeego Says:

    Top, top cover.

    The only thing about it that I don’t understand is why this site hasn’t yet been overrun by hordes of Idle Thumbs. WIZAAAARD!

    (sorry, Scoops)

  13. e.lee Says:

    ‘If you keep on doing that young wizard man, you will go flaming blind!”

  14. Branch42 Says:

    Yes very ‘Men Without Hats’

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘Excuse me? My eyes are up HERE! Oh, and down there too, I suppose.’

    It’s hard to see, but there’s a screaming phantom skull in the eyeball fire. Are those eyes actually Ghostbusters-style ecto-containment units? And by swirling her sparkler into the field, the lady has ‘crossed the streams’?

  16. Alessandra Kelley Says:

    Wow. I completely visually misread this. I didn’t see the guy’s head at all, just the woman. It looked like she was wearing a truly ugly shapeless buff-colored garment with her own black hair swirled in an entirely unlikely fashion to completely conceal any sign of her breasts, which struck me as an unlikely marketing decision.

  17. A.R.Yngve Says:

    For the last time: To be subjected to high energy emitting from your soft, wet, vulnerable eyeballs — be it in the form of fire, radiation, lasers, lightning, what-have-you — is A VERY, VERY BAD IDEA.

    Not to mention the fact your eyes are for SEEING. How useful are they if your vision is blocked out by fire, radiation, lasers, lightning, etc…?

  18. anon Says:

    And you thought the occasional hair or eyelash in your eye was annoying..

  19. lctwice Says:

    Janet Jackson meets Oasis.

  20. GSS noob Says:

    I was so busy looking at Janet Jackson and the swirly brown stuff that I didn’t see glowy-eyed man either.

  21. Thea Says:

    We don’t need another heeeeerooooo
    We don’t need to know the waaaaaay hooooome
    All we want is to be Beyoooooooond Wizardwall

  22. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Simon: The cover started as a Visine ad that got out of control.

  23. B. Chiclitz Says:

    They said “someday you’ll find all who love are blind”
    When your head’s on fire,
    You must realize, smoke gets in your eyes

    *apologies to Jerome Kern (also to The Platters).

  24. Francis Boyle Says:

    I’m half persuaded that this is a masterful interpretation of what it’s like to be inside Trump’s head.

  25. fred Says:

    Fingernails fingerfails.

  26. THX 1139 Says:

    “You won’t believe how high I am right now.”

  27. Tat Wood Says:

    @Francis Boyle: does he think ALL Mexicans are wizards? And that they’ll pay for it?

  28. GSS ex-noob Says:

    There are 3 people or beings on this cover: Janet Jackson, the guy with the fire eyes, and whoever it is with the hands.

    None of them know what’s going on with the whole situation any more than we do.

  29. Bruce A Munro Says:

    “We were a few miles beyond Wizardwall when the drugs began to kick in.”

  30. Francis Boyle Says:

    @Tat Wood: Well if Trump gets to be the second coming it’s only fair that the Mexicans get to be wizards.

  31. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The trope of energy shooting out of a person’s eyes (light, X-Rays, etc.) most likely stems from an archaic theory of seeing called “Extramission Theory”.

    This misconception is remarkably persistent. To this day, surprisingly many comic-book writers, fantasy writers and laypeople still seem to believe in it:

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