Jan 21

I'll just put this Z&A here... there we go! See, it spells wizard!Click for full image

Tally ho! Well good chap I’ll have the one with swords and those smashing old wizards praising a big wolf in the clouds!
Published 2000

Hold on, we'll save the princess in a bit. I have a chance to look... awesome!Click for full image

Good show old bean, I’ll go for the one with double swords, a buxom beauty and a mighty cape. Spiffing!
Published 1993

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.59 out of 10)

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28 Responses to “The Western Wizard (vs The Western Wizard)”

  1. SI Says:

    I think there’s actually someone under that cape. The wind has just blown it into their face!

  2. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Dr Phil’s been working out!

  3. Herm Says:

    Well, for preference I’ll take the slightly more interesting wizard that DOESN’T resemble every Gandalf clone out there, and who is partway through a David Copperfield style magic trick with his cape. Look ma, no hands!

  4. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Emergency ward statistics show that Fantasy warrior maidens are most likely to have injuries in the following areas:

    1. Cleavage
    2. Hips
    3. Thighs

  5. Adam Roberts Says:

    SI: you made me laugh aloud. You dog.

  6. Dalton H. Says:

    This falls under the Man vs Self category. Wonder if the wizard is marries to the wicked witch of the west?

  7. Adam Roberts Says:

    It’s volume one of a quadrilogy: The Western Wizard, The Eastern Eazard, The Northern Nizard and The Southern Sizard.

  8. Evad Says:

    The 1993 version has Trek’s Enterprise on it? Oh, of course then, shields up.

    TWW2K has a great Moses.

  9. Queen Khentkawes Says:

    In 1993 it was predicted that Jesse “The Body” Ventura would win the 1998 Minnesota gubernatorial race.

  10. A.R.Yngve Says:

    WESTERN WIZARD: The John Ford Story

  11. Tim Says:

    A buxom beauty that’s also a lefty swordswoman? Bonus!

  12. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The clash of sorcerous powers… *KA-POOF!*
    The ringing of swords… *RRRIINNGGG!*

  13. Tag Wizard Says:

    Classic vs classic, if you ask me

    (this new Random Terrible Cover feature is terribly compulsive!)

  14. Tom Noir Says:

    I think the top cover is not too bad, although I note that it appears that the artist only bothered to think up one face and just varies the amount of facial hair they put on it.

  15. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Second cover: Colbey Calistinsson or Stone Colde Stevee Austinsson?

  16. anon Says:

    Neither wizard seems too happy with their companion. Maybe they should switch.

  17. TangoB Says:

    Wait a second.

    Yellow skin, bald head, blue pants, 5 o’clock shadow. Pretty sure that’s Homer Simpson.

  18. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @TangoB: Plausible! After all, we know that Homer Simpson, like Yog-Sothoth, exists throughout time and space.

  19. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @TangoB & BruceAM: So he’s given up the doughnuts and hit the gym then, and, as often happens, given up his shirt, (but kept his blue pants). I look forward to the inspirational documentary about it. – or will it be a heartbreaking story of Marge and the children living with his roid rage.

  20. THX 1139 Says:

    1: This cosmic ordering has gone too far, Noel Edmonds!

    2: Sadly, this cover is not animated and we don’t see the cape blown over his head.

  21. JuanPaul Says:

    1 if you are looking for the western wizard, you might try looking west, for starters. If that doesn’t work, try the local Hooter’s.

    2. I think ring and clash need to switch places…

    The ringing of Sorcerous Powers – hello, Sorcerous Powers? Yeah, we’ve got a barbarian at the gate.
    The Clash of Swords – that sword doesn’t match those boots

  22. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @TangoB: GSS!

    @Vlltp: the latter, I’m sure. He’s left home to wander with Zena, Warrior Ripoff, who doesn’t appear to have a scabbard for her ringing sword.

  23. Bruce A Munro Says:

    Hey, that’s why the giant sea-wolf was missing from the cover of it’s own book! It’s wandered off to the cover of the first Western Wizard book, presumably to menace a sort of poncy-looking God, the way a giant apocalyptic wolf should.

  24. Verylatetotheparty Says:

    @GSSxn: Oh, she probably carries a sword that is never sheathed and always thirsting for an enemy’s blood or something. Or maybe they just ring more clearly without a scabbard.

  25. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Vlltp: The ringing and tinging is going to be pretty often as she smacks it against everything in her path, therefore dulling the edges. Which will at least reduce the screaming and bleeding when it runs into her and Homer the Wizard.

    @Bruce: Even the wolf objected to the other cover, proving its intelligence. squints I thought that was a goddess till I embiggened.

    (Also, is the sidekick on the first cover a thin George Lucas? Why two completely different sidekicks?)

  26. FluffyGhostKitten Says:

    You think these are bad? I have a copy of one of the other books in this series, that I haven’t yet been able to submit, because the cover’s SO VERY, VERY SHINY. Even without a flash, all I get is the book cover equivalent of that dude who photographed a metal teapot while completely naked. Only with more clothes, because I’m not an idiot.

  27. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @FGK: send us a link to the Amazon listing or something!

    I don’t know of a technique to photograph the ridiculously shiny books either.

    I’m going to start calling this guy “Glindo” since he’s the good wizard of the west.

  28. FluffyGhostKitten Says:

    @GSSen: Finally managed to reduce the glare enough, I think. Also, I believe his name’s Tokar. Which is no less dumb than Glindo.

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