Jan 21
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Tally ho! Well good chap I’ll have the one with swords and those smashing old wizards praising a big wolf in the clouds!
Published 2000
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Good show old bean, I’ll go for the one with double swords, a buxom beauty and a mighty cape. Spiffing!
Published 1993

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Tagged with: baldness • beard-wielding • bladed weapons • booties • bracers • capes • cleavage • clouds • daggers • damsel • DAW Books • dude • floating head • forest • Fred Gambino • headband • inadequate armor • Jody Lee • long haired men • magic • Mickey Zucker Reichert • Millennium Books • mountains • muscles • once you see it • Renshai Chronicles • robes • shields • shoulder pads • strange creature • sword • Wizaaaaaaaard! • wolf
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January 21st, 2011 at 10:30 am
I think there’s actually someone under that cape. The wind has just blown it into their face!
January 21st, 2011 at 10:49 am
Dr Phil’s been working out!
January 21st, 2011 at 11:29 am
Well, for preference I’ll take the slightly more interesting wizard that DOESN’T resemble every Gandalf clone out there, and who is partway through a David Copperfield style magic trick with his cape. Look ma, no hands!
January 21st, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Emergency ward statistics show that Fantasy warrior maidens are most likely to have injuries in the following areas:
1. Cleavage
2. Hips
3. Thighs
January 21st, 2011 at 1:09 pm
SI: you made me laugh aloud. You dog.
January 21st, 2011 at 1:23 pm
This falls under the Man vs Self category. Wonder if the wizard is marries to the wicked witch of the west?
January 21st, 2011 at 2:46 pm
It’s volume one of a quadrilogy: The Western Wizard, The Eastern Eazard, The Northern Nizard and The Southern Sizard.
January 21st, 2011 at 3:47 pm
The 1993 version has Trek’s Enterprise on it? Oh, of course then, shields up.
TWW2K has a great Moses.
January 21st, 2011 at 4:43 pm
In 1993 it was predicted that Jesse “The Body” Ventura would win the 1998 Minnesota gubernatorial race.
January 21st, 2011 at 4:54 pm
WESTERN WIZARD: The John Ford Story
March 12th, 2011 at 9:20 am
A buxom beauty that’s also a lefty swordswoman? Bonus!
March 14th, 2011 at 11:29 am
The clash of sorcerous powers… *KA-POOF!*
The ringing of swords… *RRRIINNGGG!*
October 21st, 2013 at 4:29 pm
Classic vs classic, if you ask me
(this new Random Terrible Cover feature is terribly compulsive!)
August 17th, 2015 at 1:53 pm
I think the top cover is not too bad, although I note that it appears that the artist only bothered to think up one face and just varies the amount of facial hair they put on it.
August 17th, 2015 at 5:37 pm
Second cover: Colbey Calistinsson or Stone Colde Stevee Austinsson?
August 18th, 2015 at 6:52 am
Neither wizard seems too happy with their companion. Maybe they should switch.
July 21st, 2019 at 5:15 am
Wait a second.
Yellow skin, bald head, blue pants, 5 o’clock shadow. Pretty sure that’s Homer Simpson.
October 25th, 2019 at 9:45 am
@TangoB: Plausible! After all, we know that Homer Simpson, like Yog-Sothoth, exists throughout time and space.
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fb/4d/16/fb4d16cef4defe1ce5bc03acbba090d8.jpg
October 25th, 2019 at 11:26 am
@TangoB & BruceAM: So he’s given up the doughnuts and hit the gym then, and, as often happens, given up his shirt, (but kept his blue pants). I look forward to the inspirational documentary about it. – or will it be a heartbreaking story of Marge and the children living with his roid rage.
October 25th, 2019 at 11:46 am
1: This cosmic ordering has gone too far, Noel Edmonds!
2: Sadly, this cover is not animated and we don’t see the cape blown over his head.
October 25th, 2019 at 2:07 pm
1 if you are looking for the western wizard, you might try looking west, for starters. If that doesn’t work, try the local Hooter’s.
2. I think ring and clash need to switch places…
The ringing of Sorcerous Powers – hello, Sorcerous Powers? Yeah, we’ve got a barbarian at the gate.
The Clash of Swords – that sword doesn’t match those boots
October 26th, 2019 at 3:41 am
@TangoB: GSS!
@Vlltp: the latter, I’m sure. He’s left home to wander with Zena, Warrior Ripoff, who doesn’t appear to have a scabbard for her ringing sword.
October 26th, 2019 at 4:53 am
Hey, that’s why the giant sea-wolf was missing from the cover of it’s own book! It’s wandered off to the cover of the first Western Wizard book, presumably to menace a sort of poncy-looking God, the way a giant apocalyptic wolf should.
October 26th, 2019 at 7:21 pm
@GSSxn: Oh, she probably carries a sword that is never sheathed and always thirsting for an enemy’s blood or something. Or maybe they just ring more clearly without a scabbard.
October 27th, 2019 at 5:06 am
@Vlltp: The ringing and tinging is going to be pretty often as she smacks it against everything in her path, therefore dulling the edges. Which will at least reduce the screaming and bleeding when it runs into her and Homer the Wizard.
@Bruce: Even the wolf objected to the other cover, proving its intelligence. squints I thought that was a goddess till I embiggened.
(Also, is the sidekick on the first cover a thin George Lucas? Why two completely different sidekicks?)
October 27th, 2019 at 5:36 am
You think these are bad? I have a copy of one of the other books in this series, that I haven’t yet been able to submit, because the cover’s SO VERY, VERY SHINY. Even without a flash, all I get is the book cover equivalent of that dude who photographed a metal teapot while completely naked. Only with more clothes, because I’m not an idiot.
October 29th, 2019 at 3:17 am
@FGK: send us a link to the Amazon listing or something!
I don’t know of a technique to photograph the ridiculously shiny books either.
I’m going to start calling this guy “Glindo” since he’s the good wizard of the west.
October 29th, 2019 at 4:00 am
@GSSen: Finally managed to reduce the glare enough, I think. Also, I believe his name’s Tokar. Which is no less dumb than Glindo.