Apr 17

Giant space heads have to deal with giant pimples somehow.Click for full image

Tom Noir’s Art Direction:
“Scotty, we need more clip-art!”

“She can’t take much more captain! We push her any harder and we risk a font overload!”

“Dammit, just do it man!”
Published 1999

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.99 out of 10)

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39 Responses to “Minds Machines & Evolution”

  1. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    ‘If you’re going to parody the Sistine Chapel ceiling, don’t clog it with phallic space ships.’ Shouldn’t it be a design school rule that they teach you on the first day?

  2. THX 1138 Says:

    Michelangelo, move under.

  3. Phil Says:

    Ah, I remember the early days of desktop publishing and colour inkjets, when you just HAD to use every font and every colour on every single flyer you created.

  4. Tom Noir Says:

    “What are you thinking about right now, James P. Hogan?”

    “Oh, you know. Spaceships. Other planets. Monkeys. Flying monkeys. Robotic flying monkeys. Robotic flying monkeys holding up the Master Chief from Halo while he touches the finger of a regular monkey, like in that Michelangelo painting of God and Adam. Just stuff like that. What were YOU thinking about?”

    “I’m thinking I just remembered I have somewhere else to be…”

  5. L.B. Says:

    If he was going with the Halo motif, a Covenant alien would’ve been better than a monkey. And that dude’s face is going to haunt me all day.

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The credibility of the promised authorial vision is somewhat torpedoed by the less-than-grand design of the cover…

    …it’s as if a five-year-old with a crayon was told to write “SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE” on the front page.

  7. drlemaster Says:

    Clarke: Izaac Asimov, let’s see if this used bookstore has more of your books on the shelf, or more of mine.

    Asimov: Arthur Clarke, move over… to the H’s and take a look at that cover!

    Clarke: Good show, sir!

  8. Jon Says:

    Makes me curious about the cover to his previous book, Rockets, Redheads & Revolution…

    To the Googles!

  9. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    RoboHovah: ‘Bugger! I forgot to earth the ape!’

  10. Yoss Says:

    Rockets, Redheads and Revolution could be a Heinlein novel.

  11. fred Says:

    Where are the rivets in MACHINES? This cover deserves rivets and a DNA helix.

  12. Jaouad Says:

    The dude is actually the ‘dean of hard SF’, James P. Hogan himself. He did a third one, CATASTROPHES, CHAOS & CONVOLUTIONS.

    Notice how they use only 2 fonts here? Must have been a bad day at Baen.

  13. GDwarf Says:

    Am I the only one who thought that that was Walter Koenig’s face? Seriously, I’m convinced it’s either going to ask me where the nuclear wessels are or go “Be seeing you!”

  14. GK Says:

    “Arthur Clarke, move over twerp! Me and Hogan got this sci-fi game covered now!” – Isaac Asimov

  15. anon Says:

    Is that Newt Gingrich?
    Is this what his moon colony would look like?

  16. Rachel J Says:


  17. Tom Noir Says:

    I have been corrected since I wrote my original pithy blurb, no clip art is involved here. James Hogan’s enormous head does in fact orbit the earth, staring forever distantly out into space.

    I apologize for any confusion.

  18. Perry Armstrong Says:

    “Arthur Clarke, move over.” – Issac Asimov.

    … as said that time they were forced to share a bunk at a sci-fi convention.

  19. GSS noob Says:

    I met Hogan many times, drinks and laffs in the con suite sort of things, and I wouldn’t recognize this picture; I’d probably wonder when Philip Seymour Hoffman wrote SF.

    Sadly, in his later years, he went full loony — AIDS, climate change, evolution, and Holocaust denial. This also made him way less fun to hang out with, as did the fact that his 4th wife was ready to cut a bitch if you so much as looked at him.

  20. Bibliomancer Says:

    “Oxford Comma, move over” – James P. Hogan

  21. Francis Boyle Says:

    Why does Cyber-God need cyber-angels. It’s 1999: why can’t he use AOL Instant Messenger like everyone else. I hear it’s the way of the future.

  22. fred Says:

    “Take your hands off my ceiling you damn stinking ape.” shouts two Charlton Hestons to BAEN.

  23. JuanPaul Says:

    Bean: the only constant in an ever evolving universe.

  24. Ray P Says:

    If the giant Hogan Head in the sky is blotted out by a cloud of flying robot monkeys you had better believe He is the Lord.

  25. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Bibliomancer—Oxford comma, shmoxford shmomma—check out that crazy ampersand, man!!

  26. B. Chiclitz Says:

    It just occurs to me, I wonder if BAEN®️ came into existence only because it knew someday there would be this website, and it’s all part of a diabolical plot to eventually drive us all mad with these covers.

    If so, it may be working.

  27. fred Says:

    This should have been a two page cut out hole in the middle cover with an embossed Hogan Death Star Head on page two.

  28. JuanPaul Says:

    @bc25 it looks more like a g clef.

  29. Tor Mented Says:

    #8. Can anyone explain what the lone word “for” is meant to signify on the cover of Rockets, Redheads & Revolution?

  30. Raoul Says:

    Wow. Tough one. Perhaps “Arthur C. Clarke, move over.” for Rockets, Redheads & Revolution


    Arthur C. Clarke move over for Isaac Asimov A Dean of Hard SF for Publisher’s Weekly

  31. Tor Mented Says:

    The first interpretation makes sense grammatically, but if that’s what they meant, they laid it out very poorly. I’m tempted to think that the “for” is not even supposed to be there.

  32. Tom Noir Says:

    @Tor: Good link! Hard to believe that there was a busier and more poorly laid-out cover in this series, but apparently it is true!

  33. B. Chiclitz Says:

    That “Arthur C. Clark, move over” blurb is getting a lot of mileage. I just picked up a copy of Pilgrim’s Progress (the Baen edition) and right there on the cover it says, “Arthur C. Clarke, move thyself over.”

  34. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘Arthur C Clarke Move Over’ – The Ceylon Tourist Board, c1956.

  35. Bibliomancer Says:

    @B. Chiclitz – Good Show Sir! I believe Clarke and Bunyan were schoolmates. I also have that Baen copy. It also has a shuriken of approval on the cover saying “Buffy fans findeth muche to fancy herein!”

  36. Tor Mented Says:

    @Tom Noir: To be give credit where it’s due, I was just following the link Jon posted in #8.
    But even as busy and cluttered as that cover is, nothing bothered me as much as that poor, orphaned little word “for.” It is a function word without a function. So sad. Doesn’t anyone read the text before they print it?

  37. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @BC: But does it also say “Ye Novell”?

    At least the third in this set got a dull cover instead of a horrifyingly eye-searing one. Yay?

  38. B' Chiclitz Says:

    @B’Mancer— 😉

    @Tor M—might as well ask “Doesn’t anyone write the text before they print it?”

  39. GSS ex-noob Says:

    @Tor: It’s BAEN! sigh

    They honest to gosh don’t really edit. Hell, they don’t even proof-read.

    I’m not joking; if you look at their books, the lack of proof-reading is obvious (I’m not sure they even spell-check), and they freely admit they don’t edit.

    Slapdash is too kind a word, but their audience findeth muche to fancy and careth not about qualitye.

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