Aug 30

Miss... please don't ride your horse through lava!Click for full image

Katie Comments: Memorably bad proportions.
Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 5.64 out of 10)

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24 Responses to “Hawkmistress!”

  1. FëaröfMùsic Says:

    This looks exactly like the cover of a notebook of a twelve year old girl. From 1977. “There’s a princess, and a pony. And everyone loves HER. Because she’s very brave.”

  2. Jaouad Says:

    The ball bearings in her midriff were a hassle to maintain, but at least they allowed her to look back without turning her head.

  3. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:


  4. Bibliomancer Says:

    eHarmony has found a perfect match for Hawkmistress.

  5. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Napoleon called and he wants his horse back!

  6. A.R.Yngve Says:

    Is that Harry Potter’s owl on her arm?

  7. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @AR: WHAT arm??? 🙂

  8. Rags Says:

    Hark, someone doth calls out to me. I shall turn thusly in the saddle, in the most awkward and back destroying manoeuver I can accomplish without falling onto my face, whilst holding this hawk. Keep riding forward noble steed whilst I look back longingly towards nothing in particular.

  9. Tat Wood Says:

    ‘Unknown Artist’ Pshaw! That’s obviously Bruce Pennington in his ‘every planet is made of pastel-coloured coral or the middle of a well-sucked Crunchie bar’ period.
    Which must be why you posted it on a Friday. Thank Crunchie!

    I’m more puzzled about how long Neddy can hold that position without falling over – that tail must be really heavy to act as a counterweight.

  10. THX 1138 Says:

    You see, men? Multitasking.

  11. B. Chiclitz Says:

    @Tat 9—title maybe should be: “Hawkmistress: A Fallover Novel.”

    “Hawkmistress”—is that a retelling of the Leda and the Swan myth? If so, perhaps not suitable for, well, anyone.

  12. fred Says:

    Amazing how the wind is affecting everything but the horses tail.

  13. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Let’s make our rebellious tween heroine who’s disguised herself as a boy to keep from being raped into a blonde damsel in a skirt. Or tights. Or both! And then show her horse trampling a Dali canvas.

  14. Stevie T Says:

    @Dead Stuff: You mean the horse that, according to the summary you found, is supposed to be black?

  15. Rachel J Says:

    Yes, that horse is really disturbing to look at. It’s as if its front section is levitating.

    Ah, well, at least the cover designer left out the exclamation point. Not *all* interference is bad…

  16. B. Chiclitz Says:

    I think there’s a face tree in the sand painting beneath the horse’s rear. At least I’m hoping it’s a sand painting . . .

  17. The Tag Wizard Says:

    Thanks Tat, it is very Penningtonesque.

    Rachel J, it must be the effects of the anti-gravitational lake of lava that the horse is melting its rear hooves on. Second deduction: Hawkmistress is made of wax.

  18. Anti-Sceptic Says:

    I see a giant dead lizard in the red sand.

  19. GSS ex-noob Says:

    I’m thinking that day’s lesson at Unknown Artist School was “take your daughter or sister’s Barbie, sit it on one of her toy horses, adjust their joints however you fancy, and draw, draw, draw! Don’t forget to use colors appropriate to Barbie too!”

  20. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @A-S: Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fan-DAN-go?

  21. Tat Wood Says:

    Ex-CUSE me? “Unknown Artist”?

    This couldn’t be more Bruce Pennington if it had a steam-train made of coral riding across a ruined city made of Edinburgh Rock and a priest with a huge collar and a flowing robe riding a spindly-legged Ox under a brown sky with a ringed planet (that’s really a skull).

  22. Tag Wizard Says:

    TW to TW: Done

  23. GSS ex-noob Says:

    Did Bruce’s daughter get her Barbie and Barbie’s Dream Pony back?

    (Seriously. I could replicate her pose exactly with my childhood Barbie, who I just discovered while cleaning out storage.)

  24. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @Tat: that would be an AWESOME cover! Get C. J. Cherryh to write the accompanying text and we’ll have all the money we’ll ever need.

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