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Apr 02

Only two honourable mentions for the long Easter weekend! Mainly because I have completely lost track of what’s in my inbox!

Good to be back and posting covers again, thanks to everyone for supporting me through the dark times! You all get a cookie!

HEY! GET OF ME TORTOISE! Click for full image

Piper Comments: It isn’t exactly fantasy/science fiction. It’s psychology. The longer you look the more insane it gets (E.G. Eagle heads in crystals).
Unknown published date

So much awesomeness! Click for full image

Good Show Sir Comments: Unfortunately I never got to play this, I like to think it would be just as epic as the box art.
Published 1988

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.57 out of 10)
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25 Responses to “Honourable Mentions 14”

  1. THX 1138 Says:

    Top one: that’s how you sell crystals, Uri Geller! Do yours make little musical notes? I think not.

    Bottom one: Warwick Davis tries to make up for being the gooseberry on his own cover by taking up welding.

  2. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @admin: ah, no thank you! I already have directories FULL of cookies!

    Top one: my Geology professor suffered an interrupted field laboratory because a geriatric hippie lady in a Volkswagen had insisted all of the student’s hammering was disturbing the crystals. I imagine this must be her view of the Earth.

    Bottom one: based on their poses, this seems to be some rhythm dance game. I wonder what the music would have been…?

  3. fred Says:

    Top one: When you have the chance to replace a footstool with a turtle just do it.
    Bottom one: Where is the McGuffin baby?

  4. SI Says:

    Bottom: At least the witch in the background is being kept busy with holding the title up.

  5. THX 1138 Says:

    And the Kurgan asks, “Wait, was I in this movie?”

  6. Tom Noir Says:

    MY GOD. It’s full of eagles!

  7. FeařofMusic Says:

    So apparently a fashionable footstool is indispensable when freeing your eagle from that cursed plastic packaging it comes in. Actually it looks a bit like an eagle Pez dispenser. I might have had that one.

    That is a truly epic ting! going on with Madmartigan’s sword. And the queen in the back there looks decidedly masculine. I can hear David Naughton screaming at a bobby ‘The queen is a man! Aren’t you going to arrest me?’

    Is that a book, or as the title suggests, an actual game?

  8. anon Says:

    “Leave the head and the hands non-ghostlike.”

  9. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    Love Is In the Earth (top book) has a sticker over it and reads, ‘THE U****CE BOOK DESCRIBING THE’. I wonder what’s covered up?

    I think it reads THE UNFORGIVABLE WASTE OF SPACE BOOK DESCRIBING

    Other suggestions?

  10. Tat Wood Says:

    Top One: I’m not going to be able to hear John Paul Young’s 1978 hit without see it from now on.Presumably they completed the set with Love Is In The Fire and Love Is In The Water.

    Bottom One: was there an RPG of ‘Ewoks: Caravan of Courage’ as well?

  11. DaveM Says:

    Blue crystals? Stay the heck away from blue crystals, no good ever comes from them. Either you end up with a giant invisible spider on your back, or you get a creepy duplicate that asks everyone where your dead child is.
    Blue crystals? Just say no!

    As for the second one, glad it says “tor books” in the corner or I’d swear it was the cover of a generic 80’s rpg.

  12. Dead Stuff With Big Teeth Says:

    @DaveM: according to the infallible Vimeo, it is a board game. I wonder if we could start a game in this discussion thread? 😉

  13. Tom Noir Says:

    Not it!

  14. Jaouad Says:

    Does the Willow game involve putting your head and hands through holes in a piece of cardboard and waving them around while making faces like an Evil Queen?

  15. A.R.Yngve Says:

    The Willow Game… is it a book, or is it a game?
    Nah, it’s just junk.

  16. fred Says:

    Didn’t know peyote was a mineral and all Val Kilmer movies should get this paperback treatment. The Heat cover alone would be overcrowded madness.

  17. JuanPaul Says:

    Cover 2: Five against one. You’re just a bunch of big damn heroes, aren’t ya?

  18. Bruce A Munro Says:

    1: clearly a post-nanotech collapse setting in which animals are grown inside of crystals instead of being born and are used by people as footstools and other household appliances, Flintstones-style.

    2: the landlady is really pissed.

    Is the chap being dogpiled the same skull-faced fellow doing the sky-ghost behind the landlady? He’s got the same sort of helmet handles.

    It looks like Not Frodo is trying to give him a hotfoot with a July 4th sparkler.

    Why does Willow’s name require dashes between all the letters? It’s not an acronym.

  19. Tor Mented Says:

    Cover 1.) Ah, now I see how Carole Baskin of “Tiger King” made her husband disappear.

    (Is anyone else appalled that a library actually stocked this bit of New Age drivel?)

  20. Bruce A Munro Says:

    @Tor Mented: libraries are obliged to stock what the public wants, no matter how drivelly, a point made for me by a librarian who was quite put out when I joked about all the crap librarians must wade through in finding new selections for the shelves. Apparently I was being elitist or something.

  21. GSS ex-noob Says:

    This is a tough one to rate since the second one is moderately epic (and mostly looks like the movie characters) and the first one is… well… amateurish and stupid.

    #1. You’re a blonde. You wear a tablecloth. You stand on a turtle. You chisel an eagle that’ll be too large to fly out of a crystal taller than you and the turtle combined. The eagle, angry about being hatched, along with the grizzly bear, eat you while your dog does nothing. The overly-phallic crystals don’t care. Love is not in the earth.

    #2. You and your pals have an epic role-playing adventure, then put the game back in the box and go about your lives.

    I know which one I’d choose and it doesn’t involve turtles.

    @Tor, Bruce: libraries also often stock… rather not-so-good books if they’re by a local author. It’s much less trouble than having to put up with the author complaining at them.

    @Tag: needs author names added. Do we have a “little people” tag for Willow?

  22. Francis Boyle Says:

    I like how #2 has been “updated”, no doubt to include all the latest discoveries in the fast-moving field of bullshitology.

  23. Monty Says:

    Unwitting science-fantasy is still science-fantasy. Good show sir.

  24. B. Chiclitz Says:

    1. That bird’s feet have frozen tight onto the ice monolith. He’s stuck. Wait til the wolf figures that out.

    2. I just know the guy with his back to us is wearing giant glasses that say 1988!

  25. A. R. Yngve Says:

    Q: What are the “metaphysical properties of the mineral kingdom”?

    A: Mainly, that minerals exist. Far out, eh?

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