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Jan 23

Well... At least they don't sparkle at Vampire Junction!Click for full image

Art Direction: We all know the one thing vampires suffer from. Bighanditis! What do you mean that isn’t a thing? Of course it’s a thing, a vampire thing! Look it says right here in the book of ‘Your Pay Check’! Now, just draw some kid, in a cloak, looking like he should be in a broadway musical. And make his hands BIG!
Published 1985

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 8.05 out of 10)
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Jan 06

Two heads are better than one, it's double the pleasure and triple the fun!Click for full image

Janet’s Art Direction: Okay, fine, you’re an “artist”… you can paint your own cover.
Published 1991

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.49 out of 10)
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Nov 17

Just sitting here naked... watching the dinosaur...Click for full image

Jon’s Art Direction: Oh, just pick some stuff from the clipart. It’s about a time machine, so make sure you put a clock in there!
Published 1965

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.85 out of 10)
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Oct 25

Iron Side got a lot better when they replaced him with a robot.

SteveAsat Comments: You know what robots really don’t need? Polio. For more than three decades I have wondered whether anything even remotely resembling this scene appears in the novel. But it’s Saberhagan, so the mere thought of flipping through the actual text induces naptime.
Published 1981

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.44 out of 10)
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Sep 30

Ouch ouch ouch! Don't cross the thumbsss!!!Click for full image

Muttley’s Art Direction: A Wizard, right? You know, caped, with magic sparks or something. Big Hair (TM) too.
Published 1986

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.23 out of 10)
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Jan 27

I my minions... am the King of dance!Click for full image

Greengerg Comments: Poor Lin Carter, surely he won the lifetime award for the biggest string of terrible paperback covers. In this classic, the sad golden gargoyle refuses to join the revelers with their horns of ale, perhaps because he cannot figure out why a guy with such bizarre body proportions got to be the hero.
Published 1976

Many thanks to Green!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.64 out of 10)
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Oct 06

Best... musical.... ever....Click for full image

GK comments: Donkey Kong meets Short Round.
Published 1983

Many thanks to GK!

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 7.97 out of 10)
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Feb 25

OYE! Stop picking me horses nose!Click for full image

The great artists of our time had a formula for where the human eye would automatically look to when presented with a work of art. At that precise point I know exactly what we need. A huge horse’s head, in pain, as it gets speared by a crazed redhead.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.38 out of 10)
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Jan 27

GAHHHAAAAA!Click for full image

We’ll have a dragon sweeping into a castle wall, a ninja on its back. And we’ll have the dragon actually killing someone with it’s, ummmm, magic breath. That’s right, just magic. Possibly electricity. I don’t know what dragons actually breathed, I haven’t got to that part in my dragonology night course yet.

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.64 out of 10)
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Aug 19

Close your eyes my chimp buddy! His loincloth is falling off!Click for full image

I’ll admit the only idea I could come up with is: a woman with laser gun cowers backwards with her chimpanzee colleague, who, I might add, should be in a tight leather body suit. Also, throw in a huge red horned daemon bull creature as he hurls himself at them with a loincloth… sorry I mean spear… ah what the hell why not both!?

Actually, that cover IS a classical work of art!I would touch it without protective gloves.I've seen worse. Far, far, worse.Interesting, but I would still read it in public.Middlng: Neither awful nor awfully goodWould not like to be seen reading that!Awful... just awful...That belongs in a gold-lame picture frame!Gah... my eyes are burning! Feels so good!Good Show Sir! (Average: 6.33 out of 10)
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